Being Sexually Assulted At The Age Of 8

[gurdasi]

i wud lyk 2 no wat ur views r on a child being raped at the age of 8. Dis child is a sikh and unfortunatly was raped by a sikh man. At the tym the child did not no wat was happening to her wen d abuse was happening. Its only wen d child grew up she began 2 realise wat had happened 2 her has scarred her 4 life. Dis child is now 23yrs old. A grown up women. She stills has nightmares about d whole thing. She considers herslef to b dirty. She has never revealed her secret 2 any1. She fears ppl will luk dwn at her. She even fears 2 get marrid. She crys everyday. A day has not gone by wer she has not shed a tear.

Wat wud u advice her 2 do????

[Guest shastr]

is this bhenji in california......?

[gurdasi]

is this bhenji in california......?

It doesnt make a difference wer she is.

[Paneer Monster]

vaheguroo jee...i am extremely saddened to read this thread as i am sure all members of the board are.

if the girl knows who did it she should report it immediately. the police have a legal obligation to guarantee confidentially. after reporting the incident, the police will put her in touch with some professionals that could help her to come to terms with what has happened.

it would be a good idea for her to speak to some bibiya in guroo jee's sadhsangat - maby not about the incident but just about gursikhi, as anyone can find fruits in sadhsangat and at satguroo maharaj's sweet charan.

the bibi will need your full unconditional support, unless she takes action it will eat her up for ever....

please note: please do not say she was raped by a "sikh man" ... people who rape have no faith in satguroo jee therefore can not be sikh.

[gurdasi]

vaheguroo jee...i am extremely saddened to read this thread as i am sure all members of the board are.

if the girl knows who did it she should report it immediately. the police have a legal obligation to guarantee confidentially. after reporting the incident, the police will put her in touch with some professionals that could help her to come to terms with what has happened.

it would be a good idea for her to speak to some bibiya in guroo jee's sadhsangat - maby not about the incident but just about gursikhi, as anyone can find fruits in sadhsangat and at satguroo maharaj's sweet charan.

the bibi will need your full unconditional support, unless she takes action it will eat her up for ever....

please note: please do not say she was raped by a "sikh man" ... people who rape have no faith in satguroo jee therefore can not be sikh.

she fears 2 tell d police as she thinks more and more ppl wil get 2 no about it. She no's hu d man was. He was a relavtive. She has nt told any1 bcus she fears the trust of the mans wife and child will break. She does not want the mans child 2 hate his own father as much as she hates him til dis day. She just wants 2 get mukti from dis without telling the police. as her own family members do not no abt dis

[Paneer Monster]

please check your inbox, ive sent you a personal message

[AK-47]

This unfortunetly affects many more people then actually speak out about it, not just in our community but in all, and not just against young girls but boys as well.

If the sister needs support then direct her to a local rape/abuse clinic phone service. They will be professional and trained and will know the best way to speal to her. If we (without having the training but trying to do our percieved best) ask questions e.g. what happened etc, we run the risk of reminding the person of everything they went through, this may destroy any defence mechanism they had developed to cope with the memory. If we do this and then dont know how to fully support after .. then we do more harm then good.

The professionals should be discreet and understand cultural sensitivities and not wanting to involve the police. Most victimes of child abuse and rape probably feel the same way, they just want a way to peacefully carry on with their lives.

Whatever you do, do not pressure her to do or say anything. If you are a male trying to help, she may even fear you a little if you get too close, so be careful and keep the amount of space that she is comfortable with.

Read Gurbani, (chaupai sahib) encourage her to do the same and read history of great sikh men and women. When you loose faith in mankind/people you need to be reminded that not all are the same. Her future husband could well be one of the good guys. Her pain and distress need to be transferred into strength. The fact that she has got to this point in life is testament to the strength she already has, and there is nothing wrong with having doubts and fears, just need to control them.

Regarding the feeling dirty, that is something the professionals will deal with better as this would be a common feeling amongst people who have been through this. As far as Sikhi is concerned, the dirt is in the actions of the perpertrator and not the person who was abused. She doesnt need to tell anyone, they dont need to know. Not because of embarassment, but because it is non of their business. We all keep our private life private.

Read gurbani and try and do seva with other bibia, eg langar making seva etc. Keep sangat with older women rather then the younger ones if that is more comfortable. Above all refuse to let the evil person who did this still run her life. Her strength will be demonstrated by breaking free of his hold which he has even to this day. Read read and read gurbani.

sorry forgot to mention, dont make any promises you may not be able to keep, eg 'im gona kill the guy that did this'. Imagine the extra stress this puts on the person, she may feel its her fault that someone gets killed/you get in trouble etc. And then if you dont do what you said, she may feel that you cant be trusted.

Remember this is about her, not you. So despite what you feel, you need to put her first.

May maharajh bless her.

[MokhamSingh]

The more you talk about it , the better you will feel. Bottling things up is like walking around with excess luggage. If you feel that you can't talk to anyone else then how about a psychologist?

Have you spoken to your doctor?

In the Uk there is an organisation called the "Samaritans" , they give free advice and are excellent listeners.

Keep posting here too. A problem shared is a problem halved.

[guruvah]

edited

[gurdasi]

thnk u all 4 ur reply. I will send all of ur suggestions on2 her. But wat she really wnts is 2 walk on d marag of sikhi. She wants help 4rm guru ji. In terms of gurbani wat shud she do???