Moving Into Inlaws City-Need Advice On This..

[Guest :(]

I needed some advice from the sangat

I am a singhnee from vancouver and I am currently in talks with a singh from toronto for marriage.

Upon my parents request and what I though would be a good thing too, I went to toronto to visit my family there and to see the guys family and just kind of see what toronto was like ( this is my third time going there) and to see what him and his family is like

His family is nice, and he is nice too, but, I really didnt get a good impression of toronto, I got horribly sick there, I had the worst experience with some people there, and i felt that at my time of need, the guy wasnt there to support me when I had told him of my experience.

I really felt htat if i married him and moved to toronto, of course i would be sad but would he support me in that transition of my life? i also met such "weird" people that it turned me off from toronto as a whole

all in all they are more "desi" than vancouver people all they do is watch cricket and its just such a turn off, they only shop at indian grocery stores, i mean i am really into my culture, i am a singhnee, but i mean.. just makes me wnat to throw up whenever i think of toronto. i have all my family here, although i do have close family there too, but my parents and brother and sister are here..

what advice does the sangat have? i told the guy after my experience that i wouldnt like to stay in toronto although originally i thought i would.

no offense to toronto sangat or anything, remember, this country we are just living in khalistan is our true home so dont take offense, but in th emean time, what can i do?

I am so saddened by this experience, the guy doesnt take my response seriously i think, he doesnt say anything about it when i say that..

does anyone have any opinions on this? and please, dont say anything that is obvious, please give me advice by putting yourself in MY shoes, maybe some older sangat will have a better idea, or any young sangat who can truly put thgemselves in my shoes, please contribute

[VanHelsingh]

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. Why beat yourself up over this issue?

No-one is forcing you to get married to this individual are they? If he's remaining tight-lipped at the moment its because he knows you aren't his wife (yet), and as such doesn't really want to commit to a point of view which might scare you off. But I guarantee you once (or if) you're married he'll suddenly find his tongue and you'll have no choice in the matter - if he's that kind of guy.

On the other hand, if this is a ploy to seperate him from his family because you don't want to live with his parents, then I suppose it would be better if you were honest about your intentions not to live with his family after marriage and tell him straight. Some might say there's nothing wrong with a couple buying their own house and choosing not to live with in-laws, etc. If you feel you can't hack it with his family, tell him now rather than drop it on him when it's too late.

[Guest :(]

nono, im a firm believer in staying with parents and taking care of them in old age, thats something im very proud of in our culture, one of the good things we have.. likewise, i would want my sister in law to take care of my parents so that is definitely not the issue, it is what it is, its what i wrote

[VanHelsingh]

Sister, if that's the case I guess you need to come to terms with Toronto's "pendu-ness". It can't be that bad, can it? I mean we are talking about Canada and not a third-world country.

I suppose the fact that your parents allowed you to visit your potential in-laws, suggests matters are at an advanced stage. I guess there's nothing more to be done than bite the bullet and hope for the best.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Bibi,

If you are not comfortable then it's better to discuss the issue with parents.

Take the help of your siblings to convince them that indeed there is a problem.

But first decide what you want ?

Like the wedding officiant speech"Either speak now or forever hold your peace."

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest PataNahey]

Very tricky situation.. Seems like that you are okauy with everything except locaion. I highly doubt that a guy will move to a new location after marriage. Its not that he dont give priority to your needs but he have to weigh the options, like his parents, house, job and so on....

It is not a big deal, so dont give up rishta because of past bad experience with city. You will get uses to it. Later on you guys can move to new location with less desis around...

[mundasingh123]

Very tricky situation.. Seems like that you are okauy with everything except locaion. I highly doubt that a guy will move to a new location after marriage. Its not that he dont give priority to your needs but he have to weigh the options, like his parents, house, job and so on....

It is not a big deal, so dont give up rishta because of past bad experience with city. You will get uses to it. Later on you guys can move to new location with less desis around...

U are encouraging a split in the House .

If one is so certain that one will not be able to get comfortable with the new place , then she should think twice before getting married to this guy.

[gurdssingh]

Moving to a new neighbourhood feels weird, compared to a new city if you never been away from home it will feel akward. I moved from the midlands to London and I missed home initally. But trust me you do get used to your new surroundings make new friends etc. (However its only like 1hr hour train or 2 hour car drive away to London, not thousands of miles and different time zones). So you may feel apprehensive. The main thing is how you think you will connect and get on with your new husband and family? We can all adjust to living in a new city but we can't really change a family and our feelings, if you think its not right for you then its a descision you need to think long and hard about, maybe the city thing is an excuse?

BTW nothing wrong with watching Cricket after football its the best sport even better than kabbadi and boxing. If it was Ice hockey would that have made a difference? My missus hates all sports so maybe without sounding sexist is that just a typical girl thing. (I know many girls engage in sports, but the majority of Asian girls I know, are not very sporty or into sports. They only go gym cos they have too).

[Guest singh]

I will give my honest opinion. dont do it. When you move to a new area. you have to consider the following.

you will never really be fully accepted as a person who grew up in that area. you will always be comparing your home town to the new you will go with. that can really mess up your head. But I'm sure that you can adapt. you just need to have the right frame of mind. i moved from a small town in the uk to a big city in london. at first i found it quite difficult but i just hung in their. and i had no problems.

But it depends on the person. if you ar out going and confident then it shouldnt be a problem fitting into a new area. but you will always be thinking about home which is the downside and can mess up your mind.

But if you dont like it that much then dont go.

[Guest Harsharan]

What about moving from Europe to vancouver?? Am

I gunna find it reli hard? Scaredddddd people