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Loving Your Wife

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Beginner Grand Master

Beginner

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WJK WJF

A friend told me today that he can't ever picture himself loving a girl (as in his future wife), and I didn't pay much mind to it, both of us are just out of high school after all, LOL, but for those who are married, just a quick question. I know we're not supposed to be attached to anyone, but I'm guessing if your wife is religious and kind, it is easier to love her as she even helps you be attuned to God, right? My friend said that if a girl was a good God-believer, it would be easier to appreciate her, so basically, is that the secret to a good marriage that Guru Ji would approve of? Have a wife who's God-oriented?

Thanks :)

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MokhamSingh Grand Master

MokhamSingh

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WJK WJF

A friend told me today that he can't ever picture himself loving a girl (as in his future wife), and I didn't pay much mind to it, both of us are just out of high school after all, LOL, but for those who are married, just a quick question. I know we're not supposed to be attached to anyone, but I'm guessing if your wife is religious and kind, it is easier to love her as she even helps you be attuned to God, right? My friend said that if a girl was a good God-believer, it would be easier to appreciate her, so basically, is that the secret to a good marriage that Guru Ji would approve of? Have a wife who's God-oriented?

Thanks :)

Khalsa Ji

There are many factors in a relationship and especially in marriage. Obviously it would be pleasant if both husband and wife were spiritual people. Some of the key points to remember in order to be successful is to be tolerant , respectful , try to help each other etc. sometimes people can become over attached to someone or something without even realising it. Just remember that apart from Naam everything else is just temporary. Gurbani says that maya is a shull (scam) so in order to avoid being duped by maya it is very important to engage in Naam Simran. Showing love to each other in marriage is a wonderful thing but always keep in touch with Gurbani otherwise the over attachment can turn into pain.

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Beginner Grand Master

Beginner

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Thanks for your replies all.

I've read through it and most of the points that seem to be made are in regardance of maya, but in Gurbani, it says to love those that bring us closer to God, right? In that case, it seems wise to marry a wife who'll say things like "You should go to sleep now, be rested for Amrtivela", and if one is lucky enough to find a religious wife like that, the love between the spouses in that case would be good and not count as attachment, yes? Thus, that is the secret to a healthy love-filled marriage then?

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S1ngh Grand Master

S1ngh

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The secret is not to think about it at all. People with many hgh hopes from many years and who don't do any compromise on their wants will eventually end up dejected and/or single in high 30's.

Sanjog is the play of waheguru and he want us to worry about our nitnem and religious progress. there is nothing we can do to change our already pre-planned grishti jeevan by waheguru ji except we can always do ardas with pure mind and soul.

Regarding ur friend ji, It will be avery wrong start for him if he thinks that their grishti jeevan will be cool and will be easy for him to love heronly if she is religious. In this age typical gursikh couple spend an hour or two with religious duty (nitnem) while rest of the day they will be on their own nature (some ppl have good nature and some don't). My point is that you have to look at other qualities of a person to see if there is any match between you two souls. Her sikhi spirit will definitely show in other qualities.

when I met my singhni, we both did peek at each other qualities before getting married. My only clause was that she has to be amritdhari. I looked at some other points to get an idea whether our future will be good or not. Points such as; truthfullness, sewa mind, hobbies, social manners, culture and so on. If both truly follow sikhi without any hate then I strongly do believe that they will find lots of common ground and their marriage life will not hit the rocks.

There are many cases where I see religious couple marriage hitting the rocks.. Wife wants full cemented backyard while husband wants garden as he is nature loving. Wife do gossips with friends and husband take interest and eventually that isolates them from good Sangat. One is uneducated and no job while other is educated with job. One lies often such as with taxes, insurance and so on while other person dislike that. However both do their religious duties often. I dont know how good their marriage is but i certainly dont want my marriage to be in that position. Every small things here and there matters a lot...

^^^^^ Above is one real life example.. So in my opinion... Point is that religion plays important role to have love-able marriage however other qualities also plays important role and certainly can't be ignored.

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