Dowry

[Guest gupt]

I m gng to marry a amritdhari boy, he is very nice in everything. But he said me that his father thinking is that if, in life the boy(groom) suffer from some financial crisis then the girl(bride) parents should be strong financially to help the boy(groom).

The boy is agree with his parents thought. He said to me that this is practical life not bookish. If the need arises then we can take help from ur parents.

Is this right?????? Is this dowry?????????????

While knowing this & while knowing that my parents are of middle class family. I should marry him???????

[Balait_da_Sher]

If they expect your parents to be strong financially to help then they should first be strong themselves to not need help. Whilst asking for help is not a bad thing, insisting someone is able to help is.

I don't think the boy or his parent's attitude is good and yes they are asking for a dowry. If they don't ask for it now, then you can be sure that in future a situation will arise where they will expect your parents to give them money and if they cant then they will not be happy with you or your parents.

[VanHelsingh]

What a piece of work. "Kanni Gal Paa Ditee" as they say in Panjabi.

Look, there's a huge difference between falling on hard times and trying to salvage a bad situation. No problem with that. But what the fella is suggesting is "We won't ask for anything now but later on there might be a time when I'll need 'something' ". But it's been done in such a subtle way as to make the comment appear innocuous. Wah!

[Guest alternative to dowry]

What do the boys family consider to be a 'financial crisis'? Is it not being able to afford thier next summer hols or a new Jaguar car? Or maybe to furnish the inlaws new house with new furniture?

Are they already in some kind of monetry trouble that they are expecting a financial crisis?

Why isn't the boys family being 'practical' and offering to help incase of trouble? Have his parents already put aside a sum of money/savings in case their offspring get into money troubles later in life? Or for when you two want to buy your own house and need help with a deposit? That would be 'practical'!

IMO yes seemingly, it is a form of dowry.

From what i have seen, there is now (rightly so) a stigma attached to asking for dowry. But greed does inspire creativity, so now inlaws will do what your in laws seem to be doing. Or another thing I have heard is prospective in laws saying: "We dont want a dowry from you, but we do expect a 'good and proper' wedding". In other words they expect the girls side to lay on an extravagant wedding, no expenses spared, shower all the relatives with expensive gifts etc.

It appears your prospective in laws are following this new method. They want you and your family to look after them - via their son, afterwards.

Your family should really sit down and have a frank and open talk about this (impending and expensive) 'financial crisis' with the other side. Better have the aggro now than after marriage.

[MokhamSingh]

Wherever there is money involved a puch up will ensue. The wife will be compelled to side with her parents and the husband will be too proud to bow down.

The perfect setting for a hell like relationship. There'll definetly will be tears before bedtime. If you need money go to the bank , that way even if you do incur a loss at least your wife will Side with you.

[West London Singh]

The way my parents brought me up......The way I thought all Sikhs were.......was that it was shamefull and dishonourable to ever expect your wife / daughter in law's family to spend on you. I think its a sign of the times, that 'Punjabis' no longer know the concept of shame.

[tuhintuhin]

waheguru ji...watch Aamir khans's "satyamev jayate: episode # 3......on dowry...how in laws come up with the ideas and tortures to get dowry.....

you should ask just one question to boy...why do they expect so (financial crisis).....if they are not financially strong....why her parents should give their daughter to them ? and if his sister's to be inlaws aks him to do so, would he go ahead ?

personally if situation like this arises in my family, i won't support it..........seyaane nu ishara kaafi........tomorrow they'll say already we told you...and you don't even know how much would they be looking at while seeking this "help" say dowry.....

another thing you need to know if they give or plan to give dowry in his sisters (if any) wedding, if yes... so this is clearly a dowry....they might come up one day before wedding and ask for this help,,,,,,,

[tuhintuhin]

Your family should really sit down and have a frank and open talk about this (impending and expensive) 'financial crisis' with the other side. .

to add........ make a video of the conversation......as the girl named "Rani' (satyamev jayate show) did ........really inspiring and hats off to her and her courage......

[VanHelsingh]

The way my parents brought me up......The way I thought all Sikhs were.......was that it was shamefull and dishonourable to ever expect your wife / daughter in law's family to spend on you. I think its a sign of the times, that 'Punjabis' no longer know the concept of shame.

'Honour' is what we're experts at. Shame is a becoming a stranger amongst Sikhs.

[Guest Guest]

Gupt before giving advice, would like to know answers to the following

Is it an arranged marriage or love ?

Are you working or not ?

Which country were you born & brought up in ?

Which country was he born & brought up ?

Is your family business or service class ?

Is his family business or service class ?