Problems with wife

[West London Singh]

I'm not saying you're wrong, but surely they can't be as simple-minded as to take their cues from TV dramas?

Very cold-hearted people they are, no warmth, and rarely anything to offer beyond the superficial, i.e. what you see is what you get. Even the apparently religious amongst them reduce dharam to a simplistic, dogmatic set of rituals without an ounce of sprituality or grace. Just my opinion of course.

TV dramas probably pay a small part, but I must say that is a rather sweeping generalisation you've made there Kaljugi. They are, in fact, extremely warm hearted and very deep. Really its just a case of them being very outspoken and not knowing the meaning of shyness, timidity etc. If someone wants an obedient shy wife than I'd recommend marrying a girl from England, America or Canada. You don't find girls like that in rural Punjab. You upset them and they'll not only divorce you in an instant they'll make sure you and your family remain mentally, materially and physically scarred for the rest of your life. Really, nothing much has changed since Alexander the Great sent that letter home to his mum after witnessing rural Punjab. From time immemorial they have been well up for a bit of a fight. When the fight doesn't come they positively go looking for it. Either way they ain't comfortable without a fight. Never happy without an argument or two.

[VanHelsingh]

TV dramas probably pay a small part, but I must say that is a rather sweeping generalisation you've made there Kaljugi. They are, in fact, extremely warm hearted and very deep. Really its just a case of them being very outspoken and not knowing the meaning of shyness, timidity etc. If someone wants an obedient shy wife than I'd recommend marrying a girl from England, America or Canada. You don't find girls like that in rural Punjab. You upset them and they'll not only divorce you in an instant they'll make sure you and your family remain mentally, materially and physically scarred for the rest of your life. Really, nothing much has changed since Alexander the Great sent that letter home to his mum after witnessing rural Punjab. From time immemorial they have been well up for a bit of a fight. When the fight doesn't come they positively go looking for it. Either way they ain't comfortable without a fight. Never happy without an argument or two.

Personal experiences I guess.

Funnily enough I find there's more forward-thinking, 3-dimensional guys with the bit between their ears from back home in Panjab, but on the female front (certainly from my generation or younger)? I can't say I've ever been astounded or even mildly surprised at the variety of person from the fairer sex back in the land of the five rivers. I'm sure there's some who break the mold but I've not met any.

Also, personally speaking, it's not about docility or even obedience. Most guys with a bit of common sense aren't looking for a Stepford Wife, but someone....well, normal who isn't ensuring each step of life is an uphill battle between husband and wife. Some guys just want to get on with things with the minimum of fuss and mutual co-operation and maturity. Dramas between husband and wife - especially of the completely fabricated and unnecessary sort - are a complete waste of time and a sign of a lack of 'ukhal' passed on from parents, insensitivity and immaturity; culturual identity or not,

To give the impression to a partner that she holds all the cards (like the bit in bold above you've written) is ceding too much power and control than I would personally feel comfortable with. There's a difference between a guy acknowledging what you wrote, and then on the other hand him existing according to that nagging fear in the back of his head that a justified stern word or two to his wife when she's in the wrong will end in his ruin. That takes living under the thumb to an unpalatable extreme.

As clinical as this may sound when it comes to marriage, they are - certainly in Sikh households, especially those which are arranged and executed by both families - marriages of convenience and must be treated as such. To lose one's head fall into the old "love trap" means a person is on a hiding to nothing.

I guess I'm going to be looking for someone for a rather long time... :biggrin2: