Confessions of a Toronto Nice Guy

[Mehtab Singh]

Dear Sangat ji,

One thing I have realized is the whole world is obsessed with sex, posters on this forum are obsessed by the fact that they are addicted to pornography or are obsessed with kaam or maybe they have had sexual relationships already.

I was always interested in getting married when I was younger, in fact as a young man, I was hoping that I would be married off when I was 24, it never happend. I never decided to have sex even at that early stage, because I believed in the notion of waiting till marriage. I think these these days, no one does, and the fallacy of expecting your wife to be a virgin is worthless as well. I waited, I still didnt' decide to have sex, but I met a lot of Sikh women, (Yes, you can call them Sikh or not), but I choose to, did it matter to me if they were virgins or not, but they expected to have sex and if you didn't, you were classified as gay or something was wrong with you. Lets just say, I never wanted to admit that I was a virgin, here I am 27 and telling women, I have never engaged in intercourse, well lets just say it was comical to say the least.

So I am turning 29, my parents are asking me to go to India in July to get married and which I am.. But my concern was why I even bothered to not have sex, I believed in this whole notion of love and marriage, and soul mates.. I feel somewhat cheated and sad, that I couldnt' find anyone..

I just needed somewhere to vent my sadness and frustration. To all teh girls born here in the UK/US/Canada, there are good guys out there, every check wants a guy who is a bad guy, who treats them like <banned word filter activated>, and finally they open their eyes. I wasn't a boring guy, but I think I was a genuine human being.

Confessions of a Toronto Nice Guy

Congratulations, and I know Singhs a lot older than you who got married in mid 30s and were virgins at the time of marriage. You're a strong guy just like them, so don't let a bunch of foolish people around you put you down.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

Everybody is different. Some people marry young, some old, some more then once and others not at all. It is all Prabh ka bhana so whose to blame ? If your parents don't fix up your marriage by 25 then you shouldn't depend on them. They have failed to perform their duty or dharma as a parent. Marrying late isn't advisable coz after 30 your sex drive will start to subside & it becomes difficult to conceive a child. Most of the baba's pretend to be celibate but have sex with their followers or servants. "One can choose to remain hungry but one can't kill hunger or temptation"

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

P.S - It's better to be a HONEST sinner than a DISHONEST lying saint.

[Guest Someone]

Excuse me how the hell is it the parents fault if you are not married by 25, think u need to do some growing up. Sometimes its difficult to find a partner.

[Guest Guest]

I think you need to grow up.

If you are living with parents & they are paying bills.

How the hell can you get married without their support ?

It takes lot many years to build a house and afford a good lifestyle.

Nobody has that at a young age so stop dreaming.

Be practical !

[Only five]

If the last poster is suggesting to the OP to move out. Don't listen to the above poster. As parents reach their senoir years, they need someone to take care of them. So you moving out will only show that you are abandoning them when they need your help. If the future wife suggest we will place them in a senior home or get them a person to take care of them. Look both ways and run the 8 mile away from this woman. Also if your parents do help to support you and the wife, don't do it more than one or two years. Its not a bad thing as you are trying to get on your feet. Also it will teach the wife that she needs to respect your parents. Many women today have lost respect for parents. So before looking at her education and job look at how much she respects her parents and how she will treat your parents. If she speaks of moving out, then shes all bad news.

[Guest jen25]

awww noooo we girls ("nice") look for guys just like you too and have to resort to a marriage planned by parents. It's not a big deal, but i totally get why it is sad and frustrating! you made yourself become the kind of guy for the kind of girl you are looking for! only to not find her on your own!

just please don't EVER lose hope but still accept all that is given to you gracefully. And know that the girls who are nice do not all want "bad" guys. I've have always said I want to marry the man who loves Waheguru more than they love me. ...Maybe it is just time and space that is not bringing you to the one you are looking for. but Hukam always prevails! What you do will lead to its own consequences/reactions. If you are honest, no need to worry. You will meet/end up marrying the one you need.

All the best!