Does It Matter? .. *mature Topic*

[Guest singh_saab]

So I have been "going out" with a girl for like 6 months, she is an amazing girl and perfect for me. theoretically it is time for the next step - marriage etc.

BUT. she had a serious boyfriend before me, and that relationship involved the couple having sexual intercourse. now she told me this on the first date, and i shrugged it off, but inside it was killing me but this girl was sooo good, and now it is eating me up to a whole new level for like a week i havent slept, worked or eaten properly, thinking that our first time (i dont want sex before marriage) during marriage wont have that special thing about it. now this is common for girls in canada to not be virgins but i wanted different, i wanted it in my own way, selfish? sorry if it is but thats me.

i wanted it to be pure and i want her to be pure, but it can never be. period. so i am going to break up with her simple.

advice - pls only serious comments. this is a serious issue for me, and i want serious comments because very simple it is making me loose the will to live and love her.

[Questioner 232]

Brother,

Love is not dependent on prior conditions, or on selfish personal preferences and desires.

[savinderpalsingh 705]

she is being honest, respect her for that . would you like it if after wedding you heard it from a third person?!!!

[Guest you]

She could be telling you the truth or lying. She could have had multiple partners. Saying I had one serious relationship is a good lie to say I was not fooling around and I am not that type of girl. Best to ask from others and then listen between the lines. The truth will come out. If you are going through this hurt now better to end it now before you get more emotionally attached to her.

[sssSSinghh 4]

i don't know,

depends on how much u trust her...... i mean u only know her for 6 months.

there's nothing selfish in wanting to be with someone who only will be with you......

u will always know that she was with someone else before u.

and u did nothing wrong man......u saved urself till after marriage, all u want is someone who did the same....nothing selfish about that....

But then again if u know u love her, and the big issue being u know she loves u, then by all means continue the relationship...

trust me in this age of kalyug its really hard to find decent girls man.....if u feel u can trust her enough to get married and share everything u have with her then go ahead...

This thing about virginity and young kids these day's its not just a candian problem, its much worse in India (its just kept under wraps).......

[sssSSinghh 4]

Make sure u dont get used though, i've heard alot of stories of indian student girls using guys just to get citizenship n stuff.......

most recently, just a couple of months ago a guy i know got married to a girl from India (arranged marriage). He was a virgin as well as a dumalla wearing amritdari, born and raised outside of india, this guy was in chardi kala.

The girl was amritdari, Keski wearing and everything, he thought he could trust her just because she was wearing a keski, did paath beautifully...but just a week after the marriage he busted her having sexual intercourse with her own cousin.....How F'ed up is that... further investigating revealed a huge backlog of sexual misconduct....she turned out being a right <banned word filter activated> who had used being amritdari and wearing a keski as her cover for her other dirty sexual activites.....he forgave her on more than one occasion, but she went right back to her old ways at every opportunity.... Safe to say he's part of the Divorced mans club now... just make sure u don't join him.

And this girl i talked to u about, is now on her way to Canada (toronto) as a indian student, she literally told my friend that she don't need him, as she is going to find someone else over here to get married to, apparently her friend did the same thing succesfully. (girls in India know that amritdari men are lookin for amritdari, keski wearing girls they are using this to their best advantage, it's weird how peolpe can have no fear of god and be so materialistic and do so much wrong just to get citizenship of another country).

So as you can see its koor kalyug.... if you can trust her and know she is in the relationship for the right reasons stay with her....treat her right....

Love is priceless, its invaluable....just make sure its true though.....

Goodluck with everything......

Plus always remember one thing only waheguru ji will give u true support all other relationships are koor... they are all in it for themselves... ant vich only waheguru will be there to support u, no one else will be there for u.

[Guest Degtegfateh]

Hey lad - did you ever decide what to do in the end ?

[singhbj singh 1,388]

So I have been "going out" with a girl for like 6 months, she is an amazing girl and perfect for me. theoretically it is time for the next step - marriage etc.

BUT. she had a serious boyfriend before me, and that relationship involved the couple having sexual intercourse. now she told me this on the first date, and i shrugged it off, but inside it was killing me but this girl was sooo good, and now it is eating me up to a whole new level for like a week i havent slept, worked or eaten properly, thinking that our first time (i dont want sex before marriage) during marriage wont have that special thing about it. now this is common for girls in canada to not be virgins but i wanted different, i wanted it in my own way, selfish? sorry if it is but thats me.

i wanted it to be pure and i want her to be pure, but it can never be. period. so i am going to break up with her simple.

advice - pls only serious comments. this is a serious issue for me, and i want serious comments because very simple it is making me loose the will to live and love her.

Singh Saab you are in a catch 22 situation.

No Gursikh girl will go around with a guy before marriage.

If you are into dating & pre-marital relations then most probably you will end up with a non virgin girl.

Only difference this one is honest others would keep mum !

[Guest singh_saab_]

Singh Saab you are in a catch 22 situation.

No Gursikh girl will go around with a guy before marriage.

If you are into dating & pre-marital relations then most probably you will end up with a non virgin girl.

Only difference this one is honest others would keep mum !

thank you all your responses.

firstly this girl is not from india but from canada.

it is catch 22 situation. but this girl is so perfect for me i cannot describe she will keep me on the straight and narrow. i was into dating - and have had pre-marital relations... but wanted better in my future wife .. i know this is selfish, hypocritical and wrong. i hate myself for feeling like this. but thats me :|

i know if i fall in love with this girl all will be okay. i hope i will!!! anyone else with serious comments please carry on

[singhbj singh 1,388]

thank you all your responses.

firstly this girl is not from india but from canada.

Don't be naive !

Not all Indians are backward, not all Canadians are modern.

[Wicked Warrior 205]

The only person who can decide is you. For me, I've kept myself clean and never had sex before marriage. I personally would want someone who was able to do the same.

She might be right and said she's only had one serious relationship. But I'd also wanna know if she messed around with guys in general before.

[Guest Anand]

Frankly, I think you are a poor human being.

Let me explain.

In the beginning you said you had pre - marital relations, I'm assuming you had sex. And it was ok with you. Now you have met a wonderful partner, everything is perfect except she is not a virgin and it bothers you. How about her? Does she feel comfortable that you are not pure either? And then you have the audacity to justify your breathtaking hypocrisy with 'that's me'. I think you are getting exactly what you deserve for the life you have led. You cannot behave in such a reckless and selfish manner without it coming back to you.

If one day you attain enlightenment as described by our Guru Ji's, you will put break the bonds of ego, reclaim humility and thus treat yourself and those around you with respect.

[Guest singh_saab_]

Frankly, I think you are a poor human being.

Let me explain.

In the beginning you said you had pre - marital relations, I'm assuming you had sex. And it was ok with you. Now you have met a wonderful partner, everything is perfect except she is not a virgin and it bothers you. How about her? Does she feel comfortable that you are not pure either? And then you have the audacity to justify your breathtaking hypocrisy with 'that's me'. I think you are getting exactly what you deserve for the life you have led. You cannot behave in such a reckless and selfish manner without it coming back to you.

If one day you attain enlightenment as described by our Guru Ji's, you will put break the bonds of ego, reclaim humility and thus treat yourself and those around you with respect.

FULLY agree with you. i am a poor human being for expecting this. and i feel like for feeling like this. but i cannot help it? it was one of my wishes pre marriage that my partner be a virgin. she doesnt care about my past, and it doesnt bother her AT ALL. and i know its hypocritical of me. but i just cannot help it. i wish i could. genuinely. and thank you v much i agree i dont deserve any better, truthfully i do not even deserve her the person who describes it as the biggest regret in her life. but i just cannot help it. argh

[savinderpalsingh 705]

FULLY agree with you. i am a poor human being for expecting this. and i feel like for feeling like this. but i cannot help it? it was one of my wishes pre marriage that my partner be a virgin. she doesnt care about my past, and it doesnt bother her AT ALL. and i know its hypocritical of me. but i just cannot help it. i wish i could. genuinely. and thank you v much i agree i dont deserve any better, truthfully i do not even deserve her the person who describes it as the biggest regret in her life. but i just cannot help it. argh

then stop wasting everyone's time here, you already know its only your fault ,

not the girl , go straighten your mind

[S4NGH 755]

you've known from the first date yet you dragged it on, you lead her on for 6months. wow. I admire her honesty.

We often spend so much time looking at the world and seeing how it impacts us, that we turn a blind eye to the impact we have on others.