Married Life.....in Laws Hatered

[singhbj singh]

Singh Ji, I'd hardly call a journey up into the Himalayan mountains regions to Hemkunt Sahib as a "weekend getaway."

It's far from relaxing. I spent most of my time up there wondering when I was going to slip and fall to my watery death thousands of feet below. Admittedly, upon entering the actual complex it was a feeling like no other, but getting there and going back down was a tortuous experience.

It is possible

http://www.hemkunt.in/hemkund-sahib-yatra-by-helicopter.php

http://www.deccanair.com/hemkund.php

[simran345]

It is possible http://www.hemkunt.in/hemkund-sahib-yatra-by-helicopter.phphttp://www.deccanair.com/hemkund.php

Suppose that will be quite expensive too. ?

[singhbj singh]

Suppose that will be quite expensive too.

Bhein ji it is

http://www.sacredyatra.com/hemkund-sahib-helicopter-tour-by-utair-from-dehradun.html

I think it's better to take a week or ten days off if visiting Hemkunt Sahib.

Other options are Patna Sahib & Baru Sahib.

[Guest kaur_2009]

my husband parents are conservative.....they don;t like us to go out more.....they just want us to do our work

[singhbj singh]

Bhein ji just suggest a Gurdwara tour for the whole family & offer to pay the expense. If it helps select wedding anniversary or husband's birth date as reason for visit. Am sure something positive will come out of this.

[sikhni777]

When you are stuck in all directions, then you have to rely on yourself to sort out your problems.

I was sort of a slave to my MIL for 4 years until I came to live with my sister in law and this opened my eyes completely.

My MIL was totally different here. She got chased off watching the T.V and she never interfered in the couples conversation. She retreated in to her room often when she tried to initiate a conversation with my sis in law.

With me, I was dead scared of her when I lived with my MIL. I did everything she told me and I still got insulted. Nothing was enough. I got told other girls - married girls were so sweet - were able to finish their tasks and still be smiling and energetic. They cooked better than me.

In my sis in laws house she ate dhaal and roti - whereas with me I was always stuck in the kitchen cooking.

MY SIS IN LAW RULED OVER THE LADY WHO TERRIFIED ME!!!

How was that possible?

The article below expalins the power of no..............

It is psychological article which will benefit many.

At the end of the day we forget that people will treat us the way we let them treat us.

(The girls who were totally obedient to their parents before they got married and obeyed every command and got told - wow you are the best, are the ones I realised who suffer the most. This is because they dont realise the power of no.

NO is POWERFUL. Learn to use it. It is a skill.

I use it now - and that is what helps me survive. ( It is hard to use - but it rewards ultimately)

I do my duty - cooking, serving, going to work but not to the extent that it hurts me. I am important and I give myself time off. I need it and I take it off. I say NO no matter whatever the consequences maybe - even insults. The insults from doing the work and hurting yourself are totally equal. So why not do the work - and also benefit yourself.

(Note this does not involve shunning your duties and being lazy. It simply means being assertive)

Read this beautiful article and reap the benefits.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201310/the-power-no

[sikhni777]

A misunderstanding occured or was created on purpose by my MIL. It all started when my hubby went to visit her alone for 3 weeks and me and my son were here. When I put my son on skype and tried to say satsrisakaal to my MIL, she would ignore me totally and not reply back. So I thought it was her bad mood and stopped trying hard. Then I realised it was a trap.

She convinced my hubby that I loved my own mum most and did not show any respect to her. So he came back and the topic of daughter in laws being disrespectful to their MILs kept creeping up every now and then. Despite expaining my predicament to him, he did not take my side.

So one day when we were having our lunch - a video came on where a MIL was cleaning the floor and her DIL wanted to pass. The MIL's eyes were half shut and she by mistake put the dirty rug on her DILs feet and the DIL started shouting and called her hubby who started to scold the poor MIL.

My hubby turned to me and asked - Do you think that is her real mum or MIL?

My throat was welling up with tears and the roti refused to get swallowed. I did not reply. I had had enough of that topic. The third time he asked the question - I could handle my anger no longer. With tears in my eyes I left my roti and went to the kitchen - I think I banged my hands on the dinner table first - banged utensils in the kitchen - hit my son - lost control (told my husband that they should kill all the DILs in the house as they are totally evil and useless ) and picked up my coat and went out for a long long walk to the shops and walked for 3 hours until I cooled down. On the way I was regretting that I had not picked up any money as I would have done my shopping too.

( He was back from work and needed a rest - so he had to look after my son. He had to clear my uneaten food up and then I came back feeling much cooler)

The topic was never ever brought up again in our home. (The issue is still unresolved as the story now is that my parents teach me in secret to not greet my in-laws)

Thinking about the whole episode 2 years later and placing myself in my SILs shoes - I could easily have stopped the whole mess if I just had been assertive enough and demanded an explanation as to why I have been ignored in the first place. Problem solved. Thats what I think anyway.