I Keep Screwing Up

[JagsawSingh]

All my extended family and friends drink a lot and use cocaine a lot.

See that ^ sentence is very telling. I mean its obviously not true because there is nobody on earth who's entire extended family drink alot and use cocaine alot. So the problem is really the way the OP is seeing the world. he's seeing it wrong. He's seeing it in such a way that he's not even noticing the existence of 90% of his entire 'extended family and friends' who don't drink alot and use cocaine alot. All he's seeing is the bad ones because there's a part of him that wants to go out with and be with them.

I went through something a bit similar when I stopped drinking. I'm not going to lie to you, I really really wanted to sit with my cousins an drink with them. At least thats what I thought I wanted. What really gave me motivation was when I sat down and analysed just how better I felt both physically and mentally without alcohol. How proud of me my parents and wife (didn't have kids at that point) were. Now, as I spend all my free time in the company of my family, I think of these times as so precious I can't even imagine spending it away from them, doing destructive things.

At the end of the day, I don't neccessarily think prayer and Gurdwara is going to be the anwser for you right now. Its not a one size fits all situation. Those things come naturally once you start living a disciplined life. Right now, I think the first step for you is to change the way you see. Start noticing the 90% of the people around you who are good.

[simran345]

"Simran, thank you for your advise. You are right, the change has got to come from within myself but it is easier said than done. I come from a family where noone has ever kept kesh not even in my extended family and my cousins are either in prison, or out out of prison doing wrong things. I know this shouldn't effect my way of thinking but I have tried to go out with them without drinking and they take it to heart, even my uncles will look down on me and not talk to me properly if I'm being sober. Also, thank you for all the links you have shared, I have actually looked into attending guru nanaks mission over the past few months and have the urge to go a number of times but my own thoughts hold me back. Im worried what my family would think and what other people will think of me being there. We are known in Nottingham as one of the 'messed' up families so I'm sure i would get a few funny looks from being there. I have to get over this way of thinking and just get myself together and go"

Yes it's easier said than done, but it's slow steps you have to take and pace yourself. If you have been in a negative situation so long, one cannot expect things to change overnight. It's harder for you to go with the positive way of thinking as you are the only one up,against the rest of your cousins, uncles therefor you are feeling drowned by their views and way of having fun.

If your uncle is looking down at you, you should not let him make you feel you are wrong being sober. It's a good sign, as it's showing he is different to you and is not accepting the positivity you have without being able to turn to drink and he does not have that quality.

Don't worry, Let them take it to heart, one should not please others, be it family or relatives when it comes to being pressurised into something.

How long will they take it heart to? If you want to Change, you have to sacrifice some things, it's not easy, it will be hard, but you are giving into them. Why? Will they be there if you end up in prison? No. Will they be there to help you when you have a family and kids and they need help? No. Being sober and drug free is nothing to be ashamed of but to be very proud of.

I feel you have been this environment for a very long time, so you are accepting some things as being normal, because your soul has not been given the chance to properly to see the other side of the world. Now you are seeing it, your soul is realising there is more to life out there than the environment you have been in, and it's a good thing your soul is awakening to this.

Think to yourself, what do you want? What does your soul yearn for? And go with that. Dally Paji has given good advice, you have to be stronger and make the changes if that's what you want. You can still communicate with your family, but make a stand for yourself where it is required, they will find it hard at first, but they will slowly get used it when they see you are serious about it. And you never know your actions may have an impact on others in your family.

Don't think all people judge you, you can't be that messed up as I don't know your family. Other families have enough of their issues too, it's years before that there wasn't many punjabis in Nottingham, now there are families that have moved from other cities.

Don't let your thoughts stop you, you won't know what's going to happen until you go to the Guru Nanak Mission. If it's not for you then don't go back, but try it once.

As with any of the methods you try, my thinking is if it hadn't worked in the past, don't worry, try it again later. If one falls they must get up again and again and again until something works. Like a child learns to walk, they fall numerous times, but gets up, try, try , try again.

Show yourself what you are capable of, and don't rely on others as they wont be doing that.