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Guest Singh1998

I left sikhi, now I want to go back into sikhi, but then I don't?

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Guest Singh1998

So no one in my family is amritdhari. We were proud of our caste (which i realised once coming into sikhi it didn't make any sense). Let me be honest. I loved my life when I wasn't a amritdhari. My family and loads of my friends and people would call me attractive and I loved all the attention from girls.  From all this attraction from girls, I got with the most popular girl that everyone likes apart from me and had sex with her. It was a dare and I was young!! And that really didn't help with me after taking Amrit.

For some random reason I woke up one morning and thought I wanted to take amrit. It was hard the first time I wore a patka to school. I lost all of the attention from everyone and loads of people would come up to me and say I looked way better without it, which wasn't really helpful. Anyway I had strong faith in maharaj and just let everything brush past me. Infact, even my dad would tell me that I looked way better without it and he told me that all my uncles and aunties etc had come up to him and said i just looked like a <banned word filter activated> and way less attractive and that I wouldn't even get married.  

So, I took amrit about a month before my 16th birthday  and took it way too lightly. Soon after I had realised how hard it really is, but with maharaj kirpa it soon became much easier. I was EXTREMELY STRICT. I would keep a chola on 24/7 and at that time I was going to secondary school in year 11 with a cholla, kambarkasa and 5 shaster on underneath my uniform. I had all my baniya kant (memorised) and would experience a lot of things during simran. I would eat out of sarbloh bate and not eat anything not prepared from amritdhari, which includes takeaways. I would wear a 13 meter dumalla everywhere even to bed. I just loved this sort of life at that time and I wanted to do it properly with all the rules and regulations to make maharaj happy. I think it went downhill because of that. I was just way too strict at a young age and just made it way to hard for myself.

I started going to a more densely populated gurdwara, where there was a heavy population of sangat that was my age. I started to gain that attention again from the girl sangat and it really felt good. I guess I'm really insecure and weak.

Anyway I started to slowly drift away from the gurdwara and became a Patit for about a year and a half. As my hair wasn't as long so I would stop wearing a dastar and style it up. I had actually gone to school with this hairstyle and a lot of people that had cussed me behind my back for looking ugly had now come back to me and hugging me and I started to realise a lot more popular girls coming up to me and being nice. Infact, in the space of about 7 moths I had been with 3 girls! And I'm not even proud of that, which Is why I think I went to a Sikh sangat for advice rather than other patits like myself.

I think I am writing this thread because I don't really want to leave sikhi but at the same time I do. I guess I just really need someone to talk to. Even though I am a Patit I always hear simran in my mind. When I wake up, go to bed or even at  school. Sometimes I just get really angry and listen to music with the volume up. And sometimes I just let myself merge with the simran, and I get a feeling of pleasure that felt way better than the lust type. I have just received my a level results and I am actually going to a top uni (oxford) to study law. I don't understand why maharaj is gifting me with all of this when I am thinking of leaving this path. I all scared of going to uni as there will not be any Sikh amritdhari sangat I can go to for advice, it will just be partying and lectures.

Sometimes I just cry and I hate looking the way I am. I just wish I looked normal with no attention from anyone and everyone will just stop telling me how I now look better without a dumalla on. Even now it has been about a year and a half since I have left Amrit. My relatives still say "oh you look so much better without that massive turban" at party's infront of everyone. and my dad would always say how he used to get these comments when he was young and he would say "I bet you love it" when I say no he would shout at me and just tell me to go away and be greatful.  Sometimes I get jealous when I see a person in bana and wish I was like them, and then sometimes I hate seeing anything sikhi related because it gives me the feeling of coming back into sikhi as I want to stay the way I am because of all this attention and to make my family happy  

I just don't know what to do.

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On 28/08/2017 at 4:54 PM, Guest Singh1998 said:

I lost all of the attention from everyone and loads of people would come up to me and say I looked way better without it, which wasn't really helpful. Anyway I had strong faith in maharaj and just let everything brush past me. Infact, even my dad would tell me that I looked way better without it and he told me that all my uncles and aunties etc had come up to him and said i just looked like a <banned word filter activated> and way less attractive and that I wouldn't even get married.  

This is because they don't have sangat of people that wear turbans or have love of Sikhi, as much. 

You are going through a double environment, where the majority of sangat you associate with are distracting you from what you yearn for. But also, the weakness inside yourself is what's confusing you, as you feel alone and different from everybody else. Can you contact Basics of Sikhi, or another organisation that will be able to help you with this process you are going through? 

Edited by simran345
Spelling mistake

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Guest Jacfsing2

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! I recommend you really check what you truly want in life, before going through with anything. Do you want a life where you can have the most beautiful women, compliments from those important towards you, the parties and the dates? Or is the opportunity to know that your entire life as a guardian, who himself is perfect in everything and is ready to give all they have to help you grow? If you pick the first, all of it is merely temporary and may not even last this life, while if you pick the 2nd, it will be not only for just this life, but a bond for eternity. I really recommend you research more into it, before making rash decisions. Read some Gurbani, words from Mahapurukhs, and great Sikhs, and to keep an open mind of the world and making a logical decision, read the words from those who do promote the other lifestyle and notice the difference completely.

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On 8/28/2017 at 4:54 PM, Guest Singh1998 said:

It was hard the first time I wore a patka to school. I lost all of the attention from everyone and loads of people would come up to me and say I looked way better without it, which wasn't really helpful.

Same used to happen to me, when I started to wear a dumalla it pretty much stopped. (Not saying wearing a patka is bad, just relating).

 

On 8/28/2017 at 4:54 PM, Guest Singh1998 said:

 I started to gain that attention again from the girl sangat and it really felt good. I guess I'm really insecure and weak.

 

This is where it mostly goes wrong, a girl gives you attention and then the ego thing happens and you do stuff without knowing it is wrong because you think you're more important.

So the main problem is your family and friends letting you down. They want you to stop wearing a dumalla (which you did but it's not your fault). I can't really suggest anything but hear me out:

What are you going to achieve by lusting woman?
The women will not be loyal to you, in the end, everyone will betray you. Only Waheguru will be with you always.
Regarding your family, try to show them the love of YOUR Sikhi, my Sikhi, THEIR Sikhi, OUR Sikhi. Show them it's possible to break bad habits.

 

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Guest

If you don't feel like getting back into Sikhi but you really want to, remember you are apart of a community where you are looked after. Shady year 11's are not going to look after you they are just going to make you drink, do drugs and then mess your life up at some point.

Talk to some Singhs, trust me when my cousin took me to the Gurdwara he made some friends with Singhs and they really make you feel like that you are one of them, because you are, they are your brothers. 

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Guest Guest Singh1998
2 hours ago, monatosingh said:

Same used to happen to me, when I started to wear a dumalla it pretty much stopped. (Not saying wearing a patka is bad, just relating).

 

This is where it mostly goes wrong, a girl gives you attention and then the ego thing happens and you do stuff without knowing it is wrong because you think you're more important.

So the main problem is your family and friends letting you down. They want you to stop wearing a dumalla (which you did but it's not your fault). I can't really suggest anything but hear me out:

What are you going to achieve by lusting woman?
The women will not be loyal to you, in the end, everyone will betray you. Only Waheguru will be with you always.
Regarding your family, try to show them the love of YOUR Sikhi, my Sikhi, THEIR Sikhi, OUR Sikhi. Show them it's possible to break bad habits.

 

I have tried to tell them. But they just don't want to hear it. From a young age we were encouraged to go out clubbing and I would grow up in an environment where there was alcohol and my cousins and uncles would talk about girls. They don't care about sikhi. They love Maas more than sikhi. My parents are going to pay for my uni education and I want to thank them for that, if I start to tie a dumalla and all of that again then they would be upset and I would feel guilty. Then on the other hand, it's maharaj that has blessed me with education. The truth is I have a fear. The fear of going back into sikhi and leaving it again. That would just prove my family's point on how I would be way better without sikhi. Then I would just be treating Amrit like a game. 

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Many girls love the bearded look. I remember when my beard was just growing and I used to wear a patka in 6th form, many goris loved it --- lol anyway...

Instead of getting with these girls, you need to find a marital partner. I myself went through the pain with going through all these arranged marriage talks with these alcoholic families and so on... If we marry into these families we will experience pain. The pain is made worse if we cut our beards or even hairs for these families. I prefer not to hang around my relatives as I will experience anti-gurmat pain and lack of turban respect. 

Although you follow some of Guru's rehat, you also need to follow Guru Nanak's way of grihast jeevan.

Because many sikh families are now not follow grihast jeevan early enough, it is causing a lot of pain in sikh population with excessive lust and stupid dating partnerships and so on...

IF you can marry out of these families and instead into gursikh families, this will greatly help you. However, a wife from gursikh family will probably find it painful living with your families. Even though you are going to uni, and also such a good one, I am still mentioning marriage. IF you cannot stay out of pre-marital lust then marriage will be a good support for you , even at your age. 

I went through so much pain of controlling lust during 6th form, so much attention but I only wanted to find a good sikh girl. University I went through this pain as well and somehow controlled myself again, especially difficult when seeing apney do this girlfriend-boyfriend stuff all around you.

I also recommend incorporating Guru Gobind Singh's banis in nitnem. Since you wore chola, maybe you already did? Chandi Charritar, Chandi Di Vaar, Uggardanti, Shastar Naam Mala. Also Sampooran Rehraas and sleep with Rakhiya deh shabad with Keertan Sohila.

You're so lucky though. I started full Japji Sahib paat probably during or after 6th form. Before I only knew like 5 pauris. 

Edited by ipledgeblue

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Guest Jacfsing2
25 minutes ago, ipledgeblue said:

Many girls love the bearded look. I remember when my beard was just growing and I used to wear a patka in 6th form, many goris loved it --- lol anyway...

Instead of getting with these girls, you need to find a marital partner. I myself went through the pain with going through all these arranged marriage talks with these alcoholic families and so on... If we marry into these families we will experience pain. The pain is made worse if we cut our beards or even hairs for these families. I prefer not to hang around my relatives as I will experience anti-gurmat pain and lack of turban respect. 

Although you follow some of Guru's rehat, you also need to follow Guru Nanak's way of grihast jeevan.

Because many sikh families are now not follow grihast jeevan early enough, it is causing a lot of pain in sikh population with excessive lust and stupid dating partnerships and so on...

IF you can marry out of these families and instead into gursikh families, this will greatly help you. However, a wife from gursikh family will probably find it painful living with your families. Even though you are going to uni, and also such a good one, I am still mentioning marriage. IF you cannot stay out of pre-marital lust then marriage will be a good support for you , even at your age. 

I went through so much pain of controlling lust during 6th form, so much attention but I only wanted to find a good sikh girl. University I went through this pain as well and somehow controlled myself again, especially difficult when seeing apney do this girlfriend-boyfriend stuff all around you.

I also recommend incorporating Guru Gobind Singh's banis in nitnem. Since you wore chola, maybe you already did? Chandi Charritar, Chandi Di Vaar, Uggardanti, Shastar Naam Mala. Also Sampooran Rehraas and sleep with Rakhiya deh shabad with Keertan Sohila.

You're so lucky though. I started full Japji Sahib paat probably during or after 6th form. Before I only knew like 5 pauris. 

Apologize, but what's 6th form?

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52 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Apologize, but what's 6th form?

In the UK you get to have a choice whether you want to go into Sixth form or not, but you need to qualify

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VAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA, VAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Why do you want to be a Sikh?  Is having girls and popularity more important to you than Sikhi?  What is your end goal in life?  Does that goal match with the aim of Sikhi or not?

I think perhaps you should ask yourself these questions and deeply consider where you want to be in life.  Please don't make Sikhi a shirt that you put on and take off.  

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Guest Jacfsing2

There is something else I would add, would these people realistically support you if you wanted to somehow go towards a route to spirituality, would they be willing to follow the true Sikh path with you, (not just saying they are Sikhs, but actually follow what Guru Sahib is saying)? I'm not going to say these people are bad influences, maybe in their minds, (somehow), they probably want good things for you, but you must be convinced that they way you are following is the best way, 110% of the time. Would these women chak Amrit to help you in life, would they even do something as simple as doing paht? Would your friends and family respect you going towards the path you want, if not, you should highly doubt calling them friends. You must also have strong self-esteem whether you want to be a Sikh or not.

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18 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Apologize, but what's 6th form?

6th form is the 12th and 13th year of education for uk students. Many uk schools end at the 11th year, so most 6th forms are colleges, but some schools also have 6th forms. The most popular qualification taken is A-Levels, it is the pre-university qualification taken in uk mostly in Colleges and in some Schools.

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On 8/31/2017 at 3:00 PM, Guest Guest Singh1998 said:

I have tried to tell them. But they just don't want to hear it. From a young age we were encouraged to go out clubbing and I would grow up in an environment where there was alcohol and my cousins and uncles would talk about girls. They don't care about sikhi. They love Maas more than sikhi. My parents are going to pay for my uni education and I want to thank them for that, if I start to tie a dumalla and all of that again then they would be upset and I would feel guilty. Then on the other hand, it's maharaj that has blessed me with education. The truth is I have a fear. The fear of going back into sikhi and leaving it again. That would just prove my family's point on how I would be way better without sikhi. Then I would just be treating Amrit like a game. 

The most logical thing would do is talk down with them and tell them that it is your life, it's not like you're forcing them to tie a dumalla 24/7. If that doesn't help then contact a Sikh Organisation such as SikhYouthUK.

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23 hours ago, ms514 said:

Please don't make Sikhi a shirt that you put on and take off.  

Exactly. Amrit is like taking a vow so if you break it then you are showing everyone how much love and respect you have for Guru ji. The OP should be ashamed of himself. He has chosen the lust for woman over his Guru.

Many Panjabi youth in the west take Amrit yet still keep bad habits and do not change their ways for the better. In other words, they  act like idiots. They are unable to comprehend and understand the meaning of Sikhi because they have not experienced hardship or suffering in other countries. Even if they realise this, they still do not want to abandon their comfortable lifestyle. They see no harm in remaining immature, copying each other like sheep and treating Sikhi like a sweet shop.

If they had real love and respect for Guru ji then we would not see and hear them make a mockery of themselves while setting an example to the next generation.

The image of Sikhi in the west has been damaged but not destroyed.

Edited by GuestSingh

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On 8/31/2017 at 10:00 AM, Guest Guest Singh1998 said:

I have tried to tell them. But they just don't want to hear it. From a young age we were encouraged to go out clubbing and I would grow up in an environment where there was alcohol and my cousins and uncles would talk about girls. They don't care about sikhi. They love Maas more than sikhi. My parents are going to pay for my uni education and I want to thank them for that, if I start to tie a dumalla and all of that again then they would be upset and I would feel guilty. Then on the other hand, it's maharaj that has blessed me with education. The truth is I have a fear. The fear of going back into sikhi and leaving it again. That would just prove my family's point on how I would be way better without sikhi. Then I would just be treating Amrit like a game. 

I really wish you were a user on this site so I could pm you, and try to help you out. But in the meantime, you have to realize that you shouldn't live a life for someone else, but do what you feel is the right step for you, in my view that's Sikhi, but that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself.

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