Anger/swearing/ dream

[Guest Mrs Kuldeep]

Hello Everyone,

Firstly may I just mention I'm not a gursikh but I am a sikh punjabi, who doesnt eat meat or egg anymore, I've started doing amrit vela paath only recently and am trying to get on the right path, so I hope its still ok for me to carry on as im not sure if this site is only for gursikhs. I wanted to come on this site especially to get gursikh views from a religious point of view thats all. 

My issue is I cant stop from swearing in my head at my husband! I have tried so many times to tell myself I'm only making it worse for myself, i do try to listen to path as much as i can but as soon as i stop listening i get upset and those swearing thoughts come back. Ive been married 14years, my husband is an only child, ive always lived with my inlaws, i have always supported my husband and his family mentally as there was many problems within his family, we have a lovely 10year old daughter. In june 2016 my husband was caught cheating with many romanian prostitutes by his own family, he then left home last year january without telling anyone, so its been a year since he left our daughter and me at his parents home who have kindly kept us at thier house. He hardly ever sees our daughter and fobs her off with lies, hes swears at his parents and says if he has 20different marriages they should stick by him, i just dont know what happened to him or who he's become.  My husband and i are joint partners in our business which he threw me out of in june 2016, but the worst part the lies he tells are out of this world, the lies are what make me so angry that then leads to swearing, he denies everything and yet i have all his pictures his phone messages but he still says its not him. I never swore before any of this happened, i always did what i was told to do, we had a love marriage, so i have so many unanswered questions and i cant get closure from him as he denies everything. 

My question?

My fatherinlaw always says this is what is in our kismat, so does it mean i deserve whats happened to me, are were paying the price for our wrongs doings in previous lives?

Regarding the swearing in my head, how can i stop this coming into my thoughts, as i dont want to be this angry human as its not my character, is there a different paath i can do? I did go gurdwara today and that was the only place i felt at peace and no swear words came to mind. Im not suicidal, i do have counselling and im not blaming life i just blame my husband for the pain and embarrassment he has caused all of us. 

Lastly something that has always bothered me, at the age of 12/13 years i had a dream and i remember it clearly, i was dressed in white sitting down with mirrors everywhere, sat next to me was me, so basically i was sitting next to myself she looked the same, she looked at me and said on the 12th of January you will die but she never told me what year, im now 39years and it still bothers me.  From sikhi point of view do we believe in dreams? Was this a warning? And yes many dream of people dying but i wasnt dead she told me my death date. 

Thank you everyone for your time 

And all views will be really appreciated. 

Ps. i hope i havent offended anyone in anyway 

 

[Guest MrSingh]

Bhenji,

We are not responsible for other's actions. Your husband has indeed done misdeed, but the past is in the past. He himself will face the consequences. Whatever happens, good or bad, always comes back. Instead of swearing in your mind at him, focus on what exactly you want. What do you want, would you like him to come back to you? To change his ways? To find peace within yourself? There is no reason to blame him, the more we blame someone, the more nothing gets resolved. Our reactions determine whether we feel pain, not because of the actual individual or event.

I believe you don't necessarily have to stop "swearing" at him in your mind, but to redirect your thoughts to another direction in your subconscious mind. It's important to accept and love yourself first. I would redirect your thoughts in your mind to "I accept myself, the past is in the past, and I decide to let this go of my mind". Redirect your thoughts to thoughts of peace, joy, and wonderful memories you have had. If you change the way you look at things, things you look at will change.

So, keep doing your paath, give your love to your daughter, and focus on improving yourself. All this talk about kismat and dreams is fine, but we have no control over that. All of us only have control of current situations now. Remember, accept yourself, always strive improve to yourself and just......let it go.

[simran345]

14 hours ago, Guest Mrs Kuldeep said:

My fatherinlaw always says this is what is in our kismat, so does it mean i deserve whats happened to me, are were paying the price for our wrongs doings in previous lives?

 

 

 

14 hours ago, Guest Mrs Kuldeep said:

Regarding the swearing in my head, how can i stop this coming into my thoughts, as i dont want to be this angry human as its not my character, is there a different paath i can do?

Do you do Simran or Mool Mantar? 

 

14 hours ago, Guest Mrs Kuldeep said:

Lastly something that has always bothered me, at the age of 12/13 years i had a dream and i remember it clearly, i was dressed in white sitting down with mirrors everywhere, sat next to me was me, so basically i was sitting next to myself she looked the same, she looked at me and said on the 12th of January you will die but she never told me what year, im now 39years and it still bothers me.  From sikhi point of view do we believe in dreams? Was this a warning? And yes many dream of people dying but i wasnt dead she told me my death date. 

Don’t worry about this. As children we have all sorts of dreams which when we are younger have more of an impact on us remembering them. Because that was probably the first odd or chilling dream you had, so you remember it more. You have to stop being afraid of this, as I’m guessing you work yourself up and get anxious every year before that date. Even if you try not to, it still comes up as it’s been embedded for a long time. Tell your counsellor about this, he/she will help you to deal with the negativity of it that it has created. 

You are going through a stressful time, but from what you are saying, he is not living with you. You need to make yourself strong internally and stand up to what he’s done. You need to think about yourself and your daughter and what’s best for you both, as he’s already left. Your in laws are probably feeling ashamed for their spoilt son? They do not have to compromise with his bad behaviour and how he’s treated you and your daughter. 

I’m not sure what else to advise, as you are in this terrible situation, and only you know what you are going through, but I do hope things get better for you. Maybe contact one of the Sikh helplines? 

 

[simran345]