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[Bhajneet]

Bhain Jee, thank you for explaining what I tried to do. Your way makes much more sense.

[Jaspaul Singh]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

My reply to confusedsingh is much less to do with Sikh teachings themselves. The only teachings I know of that are relevant are that Guru Gobind Singh Ji is our Father and Mata Sahib Ji our Mother, what our Father and Mother have given us and taught us is above anything our biological parents on this Earth say to us.

Although we should respect our parents there are a few issues you should remember when it comes to marriage.

Yes, caste should not exist, is it something that has been carried on from the Hindus and has nothing to do with us as Sikhs. Confusedsingh, please tell me are you following the trade of your so'called 'caste', most likely not. No Jatt in the UK, Canada or USA is a farmer, very few Tarkhaans are carpenters (apart from our dads) etc etc so the caste system does not apply anymore.

You have to patiently explain to your parents that we should not believe in caste and it makes no difference. you and your future wife will most likely be educated people, with degrees and well paid office jobs - how does your caste reflect this??? It doesn't!

This battle can be won! It took me a while but I managed to get my parents to accept me. They call themselves Sikhs but (no disrepect intended cos I love my parents they are great!) they have blind faith. And this means that they are more culturally and traditionally focused than relkigion apart from doing Paath.

My mum told me knot to wash my hair on tuesdays and thursdays so I did it on purpose every time when she told me off I said that my Guru Ji didn't say it and the Siana (elder) that did say it means nothing to me unless Guru Ji gave this command.

Over the years I have brought up light discussions with my parents about Sikhi, they have given me answers which I have proved wrong with Baani. I joined the Sikh society at uni and helped to run it, I started increasing my kowledge so that they could no longer tell me I was wrong in what I believed. And now they would be happy for me as a person to marry any Sikh regardless of caste however I acnnot say they would accept the same from my siblings as their beliefs are not as strong.

I guess what I'm saying is knowledge is power, even against parents.

the next thing I will say has nothing to do with Sikhi. I am assuming (forgive me if I'm wrong) that you are seeing a Sikh girl of different 'caste' and you want to marry her but parents don't agree.

If you love her marry her. I know that these relationships are not condoned by Sikhi but it's happened now you can't just forget it. If you marry someone of your parents choice you will still think of your girlfriend and will not treat yor wife with the love she deserves because you will resent her.

You have to remeber that only you can live your life not your parents. You have to live with your wife for the rest of your life. No disrepect intended but your parents will not be here forever, they will grow old and pass on, it is your wife that will accompany you on your life journey so make sure it's someone you will be happy with.

Don't worry too much, as soon as the first grandchild is born your parents will come around, it won't be a permanent upset. I've seen it happen so many times and now the parents love their daughters and sons in law they just needed to get to know them.

I'm not saying disrespect your parents I'm saying do what's right for you! Don't run away and get married, you need to gain your parents blessing and do it the right way even if it takes ages, you have to fight for what's right!

I hope this has helped in some way.

I'm sorry if I said anything wrong or offended anyone. Please forgive me as if I were your little sister, I'm young and anjaan.

Guru Fateh Ji

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Bhainji... honestly... that is such a wicked reply... <_<

[Manmohan Kaur]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Thank you for your kind responses to my reply to our ConfusedSingh but please do not praise me, I just wrote what my heart said.

We have all been brought to these forums through Guru's kirpa to help each other through our knowledge and experiences.

I have only been using SikhSangat.com for a few days but have learned so much from so many people in so many threads!

I just hope that all of our responses have been able to help ConfusedSingh in some way or another?!

Bhul Chuk Maaf!

Guru Fateh Ji