How to deal with Parents?

[Jaspaul Singh]

Waheguroo ji ka khalsa,

Waheguroo ji ki fatehhh !

Feels like i posted after years... hahaha... but it feels good to post again ... i bet no one else noticed

Anyway, the topic today i had in mind were parents...

I had a talk with a couple of people today about parents are their decision/support for their child if he or she wants to come in sikhi...

... i had a similar experience where i am an only amritdhari in my family but my family (keeping in mind they are not amritdhari) supported my decision 100%... and i hope one day guru ji can give them amrit too as well...

So my question here is since i bet A LOT of youth may go through experience with their parents... does your parent support you or go against you following sikhi? What are your experiences?

If they support you what is your message to those youth that want to follow sikhi but cant since their parents do not support them and force them against it...?

Some parents even force you to cut your hair, some even force you into eating meat, and this is eventhough you may not want to but many reasons can be because of marriage, being 'healthy', what 'others' will think about you and the list goes on and on and on...

... lets hear everyone elses views, and how we can tackle this problem ever so rapidly growing in our families today...

bhul chul maph!

[naam_jap]

Interesting... me and ambrosia were just talking about this... and I was really confused on this matter as well. I have been confused many times, sometimes looking at the ideals of Ram who in the epic, said to lakshman "Those who dont listen to parents not even God listens to them".

Thanks to ambrosia, for clearing my doubts on this by reminding me of the line "gurdev maata, Gurdev pita", which appears before Sukhmani Sahib in Guru Granth Sahib.

The divine guru is your mother and father.

[guruji's_student]

FATEH JIO!

well my parents dont really support me with my sikhi, and when i first came into sikhi they hated it !!, my dad is the most unrelgious person EVER!..he dont belive in god basically, he smokes n that as well NOT GOOD!...

...well he like used to call me a freak and stuff and stil does kinda, it huts loadz escpially because your doing the right thing by coming into sikhi but theyre stopping you.... like when i wore my patka for the first time he started saying things to me madee me so upset, i wanted to go khalsa camp wouldnt let me! wen i wore my kirpan he went in a stress...my fmaily dsont support me either! so it is very hard, but with guru jis kirpa you wil get through it! REMEMBER ITS ALL A TEST!

but we had a long chat and now tries to accept me for it but is stil going to take him ages!...hes going to flip when i tell him that i want to start gatka and wearing a dastar!

my mums reigious but a little, she thinks im rushing it almost because im to young! but if you undersatnd sikhi and how you feel , you know that revicing amirt is essential and living a gursikhi live is a MUST ....

..parents need to help children become more into skhi

WE NEED TO KEEP SIKHI ALIVE!!!! ...after everyhting all the gursikhis did!, if we dont keep sikhi alive then who will?

VAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA VAHEGURU JI KI FATEH!!

[Guest Lohgarh Singh]

wjkk wjkf

i know its reli sad but my dad dsnt support me at all in my sikhi. he calls me extremist just cz i wear keski or dhamalla. he dsnt like me listning to dhadi kirtan, having shastars, wearing a thik kara, researching into sikhi, defending my religion (sum1 bein racist to me he says walk away), saying that u shud tie ur kirpan round ur hed wen havin ishnaan, having or doin anything to do with nihangs or even looking up to akali nihang baba nihal singh. and many others but i dnt wna say too much

i thank akaal that i have found my way and i am the way i am.

[sher_panjabi]

Family reaction to me keeping kesh. My family and I were all monai. My family have great respect for Amritdhari and Gursikhi, however we don't practice the external Sikhi.

I wanted to keep kesh in year 10 (2000). It was a Sunday night, I got a dastaar out of my cupboard and said "dad can you help me fold the dastaar". My dad said, "why, are you going to tie a pagh now?"

I said "no. i am going to wear a dastaar to school tomorrow." My dad said, "no! don't be silly, go and do your kam." I was so disheartened that I didn't have courage to keep kesh til 6 months later.

A few times I tried to keep Kesh and didn't have a hair cut and made excuses to my dad to get out of having a hair cut. However, the pressure from my dad and brother got to me and I ended cutting my hair (even though I had told my mind "you will not cut your hair -- now is the time to take the step towards guru ji)".

In Sept. 2000 I had my last hair cut. It was a cheap place. Paid £5 for the hair cut. (Inside i felt like crying while my hair was being cut).

When decided to keep Kesh (then on), my dad said to me that if I kept Kesh that I wouldn't get married (and I felt and sensed that he also implied getting a job would become difficult because of discrimination in the workplace). He said he was worried as Singhs don't get married and no one wants to marry them.

In the matrimonial section of the newspaper, you always find 'clean shaven Sikh boy wanted'. He said Kurian (girls) nowadays do nakre (excuses and be picky) with monai (cut haired people), so where does that leave Singhs. Instead he said I should grow Kesh after marriage. I told him, why should I keep Kesh after marriage You marry someone for who they are. I thought, is me growing Kesh after marriage going to change the girls mind about marrying a 'Gurmukh'. How do I know that after marriage if I grow my Kesh, and if my wife is against the idea of wearing a pagh and keeping kesh, then maybe she will divorce me or separate or give me a choice between her or religion. A Singh wants to marry a Sikh who is proud to be Sikh and not ashamed to be known or seen as a Sikh. A Singh will get a good job, if not that, a better one. A Singh will get married to a girl, if not a better and more beautiful girl.

Its weird my family and dad helped me get close to Guru ji by taking me to the Gurdwara, teaching my shabads, telling me stories and having discussion on Gurmat... yet when I took a step towards Guru ji then it was "too much"... its like you give me the sweet taste of Sikhi and then say "sorry, you can't have it fully."

Guru Nanak, Guru Gobind Singh will help and bless those who try to follow their teachings and path - not put them down! I told my father, 'That Guru's path who I have chosen, will look after me and all my affairs. You don't need worry.' Instead I said you should be worried about the boys like my brother and cousins who cut their hair, drink alcohol and drift away from Sikhi. They are the ones who need the help and worry.

Once I said this, my dad said, "okay fair enough. i am sure that you will be keep kesh and never cut it again in your life. you are strong enough to keep it and not feel down or upset from pressure and abuse which you may face at school."

I remember my brother and me used to have pity childish arguments. He used to say that Singhs don't get good jobs because of discrimination. Instead he thought only people with short hair would or do get good jobs, become high flyers and marry the best girls. I would argue that I don't care. He would argue would you rather be working in central London, in a really good status job and with a really high pay or be a factory worker Singh. I said I would rather be a factory worker Singh, who is a proud Sikh.

Once I had kept kesh -- then everyone thought it was good and okay. But when deciding to keep it a lot people tried to dispersuade and test me.

"Take one step to the Guru, and the Guru will take millions of steps forward to welcome you." (Bhai Gurdas Ji)

[soldier_khalistani]

i agree with sher punjabi and i have to agree with u bro "son of dasam paatshai"

even wen i come from gurudwara at late night cos i been doing seva parents like early ajjehya kaar etc im wat im not in a club getting mashed. also the "son of dasam paatshai" u mention wen someone doing something wrong e.g racist my mum n (dad sometimes) like leave it etc happened espicially once wen a non-sikh walked into our gurudwara and started saying offencefull stuff and threating a baba evryone stood but i didnt wat happned after that well...lets just say he ended up being .... somtimes my mum encourages me etc to do seva but sometime they reluctant. true say sher punjabi even my uncle said to me even though i have kesh and trim my beard that u going to find it hard to get married i was like wat on earth me having kesh got to do with who i marry, he like nai nai koriyan clean shave mundeh like karda i was like wateva eva since then i dont really talk to him i wanted to give him a good beating but he my elder plus i wanted to say wat was on my mind but as it might of been true and hurt him i didnt. everytime i see him i feel hurt inside u get me.

[Gurpreet Singh]

My Family were first shocked when they realised that I wanted to keep my kesh. They are Radha Soamis and no one in my family keeps kesh. After realising that I wanted to be a Sikh ...my hair just grew and I never thought of removing it however i wore a bandana since I didn't even know to tie a pagh. I start taking pictures of myself with my bandana and stuff and one day i sent it to my parents and they were shocked. They tried to convince me that this was all outside features and at this day and age you don't require to keep kesh etc. But I was convinced that this is what I wanted to do but still i wasn't too strong in carrying it out ...i went down to Guyana and my parents still tried to convince me but since they realised that I was serious they gave me the silent treatment for a while then everything just start falling into place. Me being the moorakh I am ...remember trying to get the material for my dastaar in Guyana It was so funny because the person i sent to get the material got me some weird material that was too slippery...but anyways my parents weren't too happy still since they believe strongly in their Radha soami guru..however they respected my decision at that time.....anyways I came back to canada and I start tieing a pagh ..this time with the right material ......it was hard at first because it took me like 45 minutes to tie a dastaar and that too i wasn't even satisfied with...so i just returned to tieing a bandanaa....anyways the time went by and I felt the Urge to take amrit however due to Guruji's Bhannaa ...amrit sanchar at the gurughar got cancelled ....everything happens for a reason.. i definitely wasn't ready yet.....then summer 2004 came and my family was taking a trip to india...for this trip i was told that i should cut my hair and look 'proper'...even some of my friends were like trim ur beard...however i didn't listen to anyone...and i went to india with my family with a bandanaa...i do have some pics maybe i will post them one day ...in india thats where i fell....after being told soo much about not requiring the physical features ...i seem to lose my focus and i trimmed my beard and i also trimmed my hair a bit....it was all fine for a few days thats when i stopped doing paath because i felt soo guilty that if im not following guruji's first hukum then im just making a fool of myself...i felt soo guilty so altogether i stopped reading bani...i stopped listenin to kirtan.......and at the same time my cousin was gettin married...so everyone was busy with that...anyways everyone was happy...my parents were happy too that i wasn't keepin my hair etc....but then i got sick...i got jaundice but still this moorakh didn't get smart....i came back to canada and in the US thats where i last trimmed my beard again....anyways after i came back here i was sooo ashamed of myself before going to india i had become the Vice President of the Sikh Student Association at my college and I was so ashamed to not have the khalsa roop..i felt like a hypocrite and i actually was a hypocritee...for days i wouldn't leave my room...i was soo sad ...everything seem to be falling on me...some sardars i knew.. who became monai when they came up here saw me and though they didn't say anything that smile they gave me made me feel worst.....and i had two keshdhari friends who were in tears when they saw me with me too.....i felt sooooo ashamed....i felt like i turned my back on MY ONLY SAVIOR Satguruji...and thats when i found the strength Guruji gave me ....my parents were shocked again that i was keeping my kesh but this time they knew i was serious...Guruji opened up his arms for me....he forgave me and in time everything fell into place...I became his sikh on December 18th 2004 and now my Dhari is hugeee and flowing ...and Guruji is so amazing...my parents have now accepted the fact that This is what I want and this is not something I would give up for anything......and for my brothers and sisters out there who face the same difficulties with family..have faith in guruji....they will tell u its hard for sikhs now because of sept 11...u won't find a wife..u won't find a job but ....just remember GURUJI has your back ....just do ardas to him...NEVER give up on him..never give up the principles of sikhi for anything or anyone....remember he's all we have in this World...each of our family members all have a lifespan...they will be here for a short time...don't turn ur back on SATGURUJI for them...Guruji is with u always....when u acknowledge that....Nothing can come in your way....i just wanna leave with this note that the other day my mom had a dream that i cut my hair...and look at how awesome guruji is....she called me like soo many times because she was worried and scared that it happened for real....See what I mean ...they will come around...they have to....Our Guru is awesome....sorry for the way i wrote this...i know it might be hard to understand because i just wrote it as the stuff came to my mind....maybe i will polish it up one day......Dhan Dhan Guru Granth Sahib Ji!!

[Pheena]

inspiring stories....The thought of getting married and girls only wanting Clean Shaven guys. Look at it this way...you are not limiting your options, but refining them per your standards.

[sher_panjabi]

reading gurpreet singh ji's story i feel like crying!

crying of joy!

[*PO$H_ Da_PO$HY*]

innit emotional stuff ......

& very inspiring ...all the stories