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Help! What Shall I Do

Guest _sharonjit_

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Guest _sharonjit_


I don't know where to start. I shall try and start from the beginning and keep it brief.

I am 25 years old.My family is amritdhari and I have been blessed to be born into a gursikh family But lately or should i say this past year i have gone so far far away from sikhi. Let me try to explain ever since i was little i was brought up to live a gursikh life. Always doing kirten and paht etc but all that has changed. Once upon a time i could not wait to to got to the gurdwara and see Guru Ji but now i struggle to go to the gurdwara, i can't or should it be won't go??When i do my nitnem in the morning and if i do get as far as sitting there with my gutka i don't get very far I just switch off.I find so many excuses not to get close to Guru Ji. At one time there was so much piaar and love for sikhi and now its all gone and i don't know whether it will ever come back. I know thats why my life is such a mess! Having had a very very strict family upbringing and even now still have to ask before i can do anything and go anywhere.Ever since i was small through to my uni days it was go out do what i had to then straight home. I suppose in my parents eyes i did the right thing in that i got an education, never went out with any boys, never drank etc. From the very beginning i wasn't allowed to go to sikhi camps and interact with sangat of my own age. Somedays i think it is just better if i pack my bags and go.

Then being that age of "I should be married now" funnily enough has become so difficult subject of late. My parents just can't believe that they can't find anyone for me to get married to and in a way i kinda do feel sorry for them, having a daughter thats unmarried at 25. With everything so messed up I have now just hit rock bottom and please sangat ji i could do with your help

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Many people go through stages of spiritual depression and your situation is not uncommon.

The key to taking yourself out of this state is not to fall into a downwards spiral where you feel miserable, etc, this can lead to more serious things like clinical depression.

You need to keep Sangat of spiritually-orientated Gursikhs both your age and older. Just by being in their presence you will be inspired subconsciously as you see the power of Naam.

You need to start somewhere again with your Paath and no one else can start but you. Start with 5 minutes of Mool Mantar simran a day after you have eaten or before you sleep. Keertan is also very important - download lots of Keertan and listen to it whenever you have time. Attend Rain Sabae programs and other Keertan programs as often you can. Set yourself strict goals on how your amount of Paath will increase (eg. in 2 weeks you are going to be doing your Rehras Sahib on a daily basis, and your Mool Mantar will increase to 10 minutes) and reward yourself accordingly if you find it difficult.

Everyone goes through this situation some time in their life; what is important is that you make the effort now to get yourself back on track. Discipline is the key - no one will help you - everything is lying in front of you - you can only help yourself!

Marriage should not be an issue; 25 is still very young; your primary goal is to start doing Seva and Paath; once your life becomes Guru-orientated Guru Sahib will bless you in ways you can never imagine and petty things such as marriage will fall into place in a split-second!

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Have you discussed having/forming relationships or friendships with gurSikh guys with your parents?

Maybe your parents need to ease up on the control they have on your life and let you meet other gurSikh's in camps, etc.

I think if they feel you being 25 and unmarried is a bad thing maybe they should do something about it and let you attend places to meet suitable Sikh guys.

just a suggestion sister..... I hope it helps.....don't feel down....... always live in hope and remain content and grateful to God cos theirs always people worse off in this world. It happens to all of us from time to time don't stress about it.

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Keep your head up for all women. The pressure and making mountains out of molehills when it comes to unmarried womens ages is idiotic in our culture as well as all cultures around the world. Sure there are certain practical reasons to it, but the focus is always on women and this is sexist! The ONLY reason everyone ascribes to it is because..... everyone ascribes to it.

Well not everyone. Be one of those women who don't buy into it. Say "the h*ll with what people think". These days that is a young age. If you want perspective, think of someone who did get married too early (not age but wisdom). You are blessed to be in a position where you can make much better decisions about your future.

As for the sikhi, if it was ever really in you as you say, it will become the strength that will carry you through. Make sure you distinguish the strengths of sikhi from the downside of some cultural norms. Also really nice views in the other posts prior.

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Bhenji don’t feel down, everyone goes through phases when they are down for some reason or another but remember that you are blessed. You are the daughter of Dhan Sri Gobind Singh Jee and Mata Sahib Kaur Jee, not everyone is lucky enough to have them as their parents. :TH:

Bhenji, when you feel down, look back at the time when you took Amrit, seeing the Panj Pyares and Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee, read the hukamnamas that Guru Jee blessed you with, remember the taste of Amrit, remember how you felt just after you had taken the Amrit, remember saying Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Kee Fateh.. Remember the moment that the Amrit went inside your body..hopefully this will bring back those special memories.

Just remember that you are the Singhni of Guru Jee and try to remain in Chardian Kala and not Tehndian Kala. It can be hard as we are human beings and start to feel down and affected by things going in our lives, around us.

Is there a reason why you do not feel like going to the Gurdwara? Bhenji. Just look at it this way, think that Guru Jee via your parents brought you up in the way that he had, he wanted to take care of you, he wanted you to stay close to him and wanted to keep you away from the bad influences which most people think give them hapiness but in fact they do not and just give dukh and temporary enjoyment. Feel glad that you did not get involved with alcohol, boys etc.. If you had, your life would have been so different without Guru Jee. Guru Jee wanted to protect his daughter.

You are very lucky that you have been brought up in an environment where you were encouraged to do paath, keertan etc. This is due to some good karam that you have done in a past life that you are born into a Gursikh family and blessed with Amrit. Do Ardas to Guru Jee to bless you with pyaar for Sikhi and to help you through the problems of life.

Go to the Gurdwara, tell Guru Jee your problems and you will feel much better, feel as if Guru Jee is listening to you and that you are talking to Guru Jee. Do you have Gursikh friends in the area in which you live? Do Simran, keertan, paath with them.

If you feel that your mind switches off when you do nitnem, try putting on a tape/CD of Waheguru simran and do that for a while and then do your nitnem, this helps me and focuses my mind. Even though you do not feel like doing your paath, just do it. There will be a time soon that you will start to enjoy it and get the ras from the paath. Set aside time for Simran of Waheguru and Mool Mantar. Try listening to keertan with sikhitothemax translations, sing along.. It will make you feel so much better. On the sikhitothemax website, do random shabad and take a hukamnama and try to understand what Guru Jee is saying to you.

If you take one step towards Guru Jee, they will take thousands towards you.

:) :doh: :doh:

At the end of the day, when we marry and who we marry is not in our or our parents hands, it is in Guru Jee's hands. Just focus on Sewa, Naam, Bani, Keertan etc and Guru Jee will bring the right person into your life when the time is right for you to marry them.

Bhul Chuk Maaf


Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru

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Penji im in exact marriage situation, just turned 26 few weeks back.

im amritdhari and however do feel close to guru ji and in my experienc edont rely on others, camps etc when it happens it happens, have faith in guru jee. He will sort out your affairs, no one else panji ,trust me.

I thought it was all bout being in the right places, but in my experience thats not the case, coz we dont look at each other that way, and yeh sumdays i may get abit worried like i gota get married but i just keep walking, going uni and see what happens in meanwhile.

my parents are looking, they want to put my name in gurdwara list i just need to get time to give em a photo too. dont know if that way will happen, who knows.

ive had experiences where ive been introduced to guys and they kinda say no nicely (could be that ive got the most boyish looks haha :) ), i just think chalo singh pajee ho gaye, yeh it gets to me abit but guess what we're not living for others itsj just this game we're in and ultimately we gota play it, just remember that and keep saying , vaheguroo, vaheguru, try it it gets easier with practise, you'll find peace like no other.

guru jee knows all, what we may think or do , He still knows more!

fateh jee.

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