Re-marriage

[SSM]

i wander if there any stories from Guru Jis times abt separation at least....any1?

[Kharkoo4Life]

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji speaks only of a union (imlwp) not divorce (judweI). It gives us instructions to merge our souls with others…not to separate it (be it the mergence of our soul with that of our spouse, or the mergence of our soul (Awqmw) with the supersoul (prmwqmw) of Waheguru). There is only a shabad for how to unite with your beloved, i.e. the ‘Anand Karaj’. So what shabad will you recite for your divorce?

However, this should not be taken to imply that divorce is prohibited or considered a sin in Sikhism. Rather it emphasizes how we should approach all relationships in our life (that of friends, relatives, spouses or even with God) with an open heart, understanding mind and forgiving conscience. So that we forge these relationships for eternity, and not simply to suit the transient whims of our individual needs. So that when problems arise that we try and work through them and remain firm on our commitments to each other rather than seek an easy, quick solution.

eIq aUq nhI bICuVY so sMgI gnIAY ]

ibnis jwie jo inmK mih so Alp suKu BnIAY ]

He alone is called your companion, who will not be separated from you, here or hereafter.

That pleasure, which passes away in an instant, is trivial.

(Guru Arjan Dev Ji, Rag Dhanasri, 677)

Simply put, we should not walk into a marriage thinking oh of things dont work out ill just get divorced. Marriage is a life-long commitment. Rather than having thoughts about doubt or unsurity we should be focused on committment, faith and complete trust in the other. When two people are ready to lead a life and husband than it means they are willing to sacrifice everything for the other person. If one is not willing to do this then they are not yet truly ready for marriage. Our aim and focus both in thoughts and actions should be to make the marriage work with a sincere dedicated effort. Marriage is not simply an instand bond occuring after singing your names, or reciting a shabad. It is like any other relatinship in life and requires constant effort by both members of that relaitonship to nurture, strengthen and develop that bond into sometinng that is unbreakable regardless of the obstacles it may face.

That being said one must not impose a generalized all-out prohibition on the concept of divorce. For instance, people change with time, something no man or woman can predict. An intiialy caring, supporting husband may become verbally and physically abusive to his wife, and sometimes even children. If after multiple warning, attempts to rectify this problem the husband continues his destructive behaviour and refuses to change then why should the wife and children be punished by having to subject themselves to the abuse day after day? Is the wife not entitled to liberty, freedom and self-respect? My aim is not to encourage divorce as a first-line solution for difficulties in marriages. Every marraiage has its upns n down, and we should always try to solve them as quickly as possible in the best interstes of all involved (husband wife and children) and maintain the family unit. However, if a situaion gets out of hand, and the best intrets of the wife/children are being violated then by all means we should not prevent, object or even look down upon someone who as a last resort wishes to pursue divorce. We should support them for the wellbeing of both them and the children.

[raju123]

hi nama singh

Is it okay to remarry with the 4 laavan if you have been declared a "divorcee"?

One of my friends is remarrying in a few weeks and she had this problem a while back - she wanted to have a Gurdwara marriage but her in-laws were not keen.

I hope not to alarm u but her inlaws were not to keen ??????

A marriage in the sikh faith can only be done by 4 laava around the sggs

Other wise it is not blessed by our guru’s.

Even if u only invite a small amount of guests it will be better in the long run to say u

Had a proper sihk wedding instead of just a court marriage, is some one ashamed or embarrassed.

Please no offence intended to either party…but your words go me a thinking…

All the best…

[dreamman]

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji speaks only of a union (imlwp) not divorce (judweI).  It gives us instructions to merge our souls with others…not to separate it (be it the mergence of our soul with that of our spouse, or the mergence of our soul (Awqmw) with the supersoul (prmwqmw) of Waheguru).  There is only a shabad for how to unite with your beloved, i.e. the ‘Anand Karaj’.  So what shabad will you recite for your divorce?

However, this should not be taken to imply that divorce is prohibited or considered a sin in Sikhism.  Rather it emphasizes how we should approach all relationships in our life (that of friends, relatives, spouses or even with God) with an open heart, understanding mind and forgiving conscience.  So that we forge these relationships for eternity, and not simply to suit the transient whims of our individual needs.  So that when problems arise that we try and work through them and remain firm on our commitments to each other rather than seek an easy, quick solution.

eIq aUq nhI bICuVY so sMgI gnIAY ]

ibnis jwie jo inmK mih so Alp suKu BnIAY ]

He alone is called your companion, who will not be separated from you, here or hereafter.

That pleasure, which passes away in an instant, is trivial.

                                                      (Guru Arjan Dev Ji, Rag Dhanasri, 677)

Simply put, we should not walk into a marriage thinking oh of things dont work out ill just get divorced.  Marriage is a life-long commitment.  Rather than having thoughts about doubt or unsurity we should be focused on committment, faith and complete trust in the other.  When two people are ready to lead a life and husband than it means they are willing to sacrifice everything for the other person.  If one is not willing to do this then they are not yet truly ready for marriage.  Our aim and focus both in thoughts and actions should be to make the marriage work with a sincere dedicated effort.  Marriage is not simply an instand bond occuring after singing your names, or reciting a shabad.  It is like any other relatinship in life and requires constant effort by both members of that relaitonship to nurture, strengthen and develop that bond into sometinng that is unbreakable regardless of the obstacles it may face.

That being said one must not impose a generalized all-out prohibition on the concept of divorce.  For instance, people change with time, something no man or woman can predict.  An intiialy caring, supporting husband may become verbally and physically abusive to his wife, and sometimes even children.  If after multiple warning, attempts to rectify this problem the husband continues his destructive behaviour and refuses to change then why should the wife and children be punished by having to subject themselves to the abuse day after day? Is the wife not entitled to liberty, freedom and self-respect?  My aim is not to encourage divorce as a first-line solution for difficulties in marriages.  Every marraiage has its upns n down, and we should always try to solve them as quickly as possible in the best interstes of all involved (husband wife and children) and maintain the family unit.  However, if a situaion gets out of hand, and the best intrets of the wife/children are being violated then by all means we should not prevent, object or even look down upon someone who as a last resort wishes to pursue divorce.  We should support them for the wellbeing of both them and the children.

135275[/snapback]

I completely agree with you kharkoo bro and thats why the first of my reply to Heera Singhs case was why the divorced happen... as the only thing I have found in that whatever has been writtne by heera singh bro is his father didnt let her mother to go to guruduwara etc.... welli myself have seen many ofthis cases, but never seen a divorce coming out of it... practising your religion doesnt bound you to goto guruduwara, yes doing sangat has its importance but liabilities and boundations are also a part of life... if the heart and mind of a person is there for god, nothing to worry about wether u go to guruduwara and not.... especially when it can become dangerous to a relation...

bhul chukmaaf

Fateh

[SSM]

nai veerji i dont think we should be discussing any member's family here so lets leave that out but lets talk generally.

a relationship is to be given 100% effort no doubt hoever a sikh must also meet his Guru.

singhs used to have a desire to meet guru Ji centuries ago, guru Ji used to give them darshan but nowadays Guru ji in this roop as sri guru granth sahib ji lving and blessing and giving darshan to all only a few mins walk away and we cant even go there?

ppl used to know they could be killed for being sikh but they never stopped praying to Waheguru and showing pyar cos we need Guru Ji and without them we nothing.

[Heera Singh]

okay.. i forgot to mention that he was a drunk.. and he beat her... also he cursed her... he turned his whole family against her.. they all treated her like crap..

ummmm.. what else... left home for months at a time... used her for money and never gave back... was never happy at home.. would purposely bring meat and alcohol into the house even thought we said not to because we had maharaj jee's saroop in the house.. and other things that i won't mention as u guyz don't need to know...

dreamman... wanna make ur decision now?

[SSM]

i agree

[Barik]

~Waheguru~

[amarjeet_singh_1699]

hmmmmm

firstly u shudnt have relationships b4 marriage at all. its manmat

secondly in case like heera singhs, i wouldve got the dad sorted out by few gursikhs, a good talking to or beating, and then see wat happened

[SSM]

amarjeet veerji bro totaly agree..