Stress Reliever

[Jkaur]

Friends I thing we r going too much serious on this forum too much of heated arguements goin on so  i m going to start a new discussion of all jokes. I hope u will help me by keep posting a few from U. But they must be as per standard so that it doesnt go against the forum's RULES

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

============================================

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me

beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me

stupid so I would be attracted to you!

=====

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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the animal in me." ...

"So what?" his wife shout back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"

[Guest balwinderkaur]

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the animal in me." ...

"So what?" his wife shout back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"

HEHEHEHEHHEHEHE i love this one..........sooooooooo funny.....keep posting more. mwahahahahahahahah

[Jkaur]

Hell`s not far

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpayee and Parwez Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.

The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. Musharraf showed him Pakistan's modern Tele-communication system. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to an old friend in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only 5 Rupees.

When Vajpayee returned, he too wanted India's Tele-communication systems to be at their best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made for the same. Musharraf came to India, visited the telecom department and then spoke with an old friend in hell for 5 minutes. However, this time, the bill was 500 Rupees! Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile, "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in

India?"

A High level diplomat gave a cool reply, "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India it is long distance!

[Jkaur]

The Indian Hell

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds a different hell exists for each country.

He goes first to the British hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the British devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the American hell, the Australian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the British hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells-why are there so many people waiting to get in?" He is told. "The power supply is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen to play cards..."

[Jkaur]

Indian Parents - Real "Settei" Case !!!

Divorcing after 45 years an elderly Indian man in Leicester calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!"

"Pop, what are you talking about?" The son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Leicester immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "They're coming for Diwali and paying their own travel fare."

[GABROO KHALISTAN DAH]

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh thnx panji

ineeded that

juss had a chem exam i'm lost tired dead <admin-cut> i feeel so bad hahaa

[Jkaur]

Why did Ah MAT go to a movie with his 18 friends ?

Because below 18 not allowed Lah !

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Ah MAT wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.

Ah MAT : "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl : "Yes !"

Ah MAT : "Give me a green one, please "

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Ah MAT is filling up an application form for a job.

He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected" He is not

sure of the question.

After much thought, he writes " Yes "

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Ah MAT goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah MAT : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah MAT : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah MAT : "I'll buy it "

The next day, Ah MAT goes to work with his thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah MAT : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do ?"

Ah MAT : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it !?"

Ah MAT : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"

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After taking photocopies of documents, Ah MAT always

compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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Ah MAT always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.

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After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been wor

king on for quite some time, Ah MAT proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.

"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah MAT brags.

"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.

"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah MAT replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS

WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".

============================================

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah MAT left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE", and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".

The bartender approaches Ah MAT and asks, "AND YOU,

BROTHER ?"

Ah MAT replies : "Mohamad Ali, MARRIED

[S1ngh]

Why did the woman cross the road?

That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

11 = 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant,

so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice;

if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

[moorakh mugadh]

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice;

if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

vwihgurU jI kw Kwlsw!

vwihgurU jI kI &iqh!!

hahahahaha eh gal pakki he

[Jkaur]

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming

That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away

What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell

Except for maybe "go to hell"