Stress Reliever

[Jkaur]

yeah i know i tot of just repostin here :wub: in da stress reliever... anyway bhenjee next time any jokes u know where it shud go too too much of heat here nowadays at least this topic will take out all dat heat

[Jkaur]

Corporate Lessons

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and

rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

**************************************************

Lesson Number Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to

get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't

got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied

the bull.

"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to

reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted

by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull-<admin-profanity filter activated> might get you to the top, but it

won't keep you there.

**************************************************

Lesson Number Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold,

the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it

was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung

on it.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it

began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile

of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops s-hit on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of s-hit is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep s-hit, keep your mouth shut

[Guest balwinderkaur]

heheheheheheh good one.

[Singhstah]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Letter from Grandma

Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did!

What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii; so I leaned out the windo

w and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... why even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared; so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma

[Singhstah]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

New York Taxi Driver

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy. "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

[Jkaur]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

[Guest balwinderkaur]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA rofl

[Jkaur]

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked."The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied."Who was responsible for our independence?". "There were so many. Whom to mention?.If I name one it will be a injustice to another."He replied."Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"."Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others,since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent man would not leave him.

"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this man. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him."By the way, what is your date of birth?" He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947." Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification."What is your fathers name?" He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one it will be injustice to another" The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?" He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

[Guest balwinderkaur]

hahahhahahaha funny...stupid guy

[birkhalsa]

"Dear God"-Letters from Kids

Dear God,

Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have?

Jane

Dear God,

Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.

Larry

Dear God,

If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

Mickey

Dear God,

I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.

Nan

Dear God,

In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

Jane

Dear God,

I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me.

Love, Alison

Dear God,

Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

Lucy

Dear God,

Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

Anita

Dear God,

Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident.

Norma

Dear God,

Who draws the lines around the countries.

Nan

Dear God,

I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay.

Neil

Dear God,

What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.

Jane

Dear God,

Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother.

Darla

Dear God,

Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.

Joyce

Dear God,

It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad

3; He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.

Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)

Dear God,

Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.

Tom L.

Dear God,

Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Bruce

Dear God,

If we come back as something - Please don't let me be Michelle Horton because I hate her.

Denise

Dear God,

If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want, except my money or my chess set.

Raphael

Dear God,

My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha Ha.

Danny

Dear God,

I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.

Sam

Dear God,

You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways.

Dean

Dear God,

I think the stapler is one of your greatest invention.

Ruth M.

Dear God,

I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying.

Elliott

Dear God,

Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.

Rob

Dear God,

My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they.

Marsha

Dear God,

I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.

Love, Chris

Dear God,

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea.

Sincerely, Donna

Dear God,

The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do.

Eddie

Dear God,

I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are God already.

Charles

Dear God,

I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunse

t You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

Eugene