Stress Reliever

[Jkaur]

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking trough a citypark and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, " I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one".

"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Sardinia, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman." poof! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next", the Genie says to the professor.

The professor says," I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

[Gill]

hahahahah

[Guest balwinderkaur]

Subject: The Perfect Couplez...

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman

met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect

wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple

was driving their perfect car along a winding road,

when they noticed someone at the side of the road in

distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of

Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his

toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along

delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated

and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an

accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.)

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one

who really existed in the first place. Everyone

knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such

thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the

joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus,

the woman mu

st have been driving. This explains why

there was a car accident.

***** Men Keep scrolling

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still

reading, this illustrates another point: Women never

listen.

[Gill]

if the car was perfect why did it slip and crash?

[Jkaur]

Need that job?

Just send this one back:

Dear Mr. xyz,

Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

[japmans]

hahahaha trhat's too funny..that's me!

[Jkaur]

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game. The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot

of fun. He says,"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."

Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American. "Okay," says

the American, "Your turn."

So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American thinks about it. No

answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he send e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500. The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardar

reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!

-- Smart Sardar--

[Jkaur]

Just for a laugh

3 INDIANS and 3 PAKISTANIS are travelling by train to a Cricket match at the World Cup. At the station, the 3 PAKISTANIS buy a ticket each and watch as the 3 INDIANS buy just one ticket for them all. "How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the PAKISTANI."Watch and learn," answers one of the INDIAN. They all board the train. The

PAKISTANIS take their respective seats but all 3 INDIANS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please. " The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a

ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The PAKISTANIS see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the INDIAN style on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To

their astonishment, the INDIANS don't buy ticket at all!!! How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed PAKISTANI. "Watch and learn," answers an INDIAN. When they board the train the 3 PAKISTANIS cram into one toilet and soon after the 3 INDIANS cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the INDIAN leaves the

toilet and walks over to the toilet where the PAKISTANIS are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The INDIAN takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet !!

[Jkaur]

Classic definitions :

* Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at

one end & a fool at the other

* Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

* Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

* Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

* Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that

everybody believes he got the biggest piece

* Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is

defeated by feminine water power

* Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nothing listens & everybody disagrees later on.

* Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read

* Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight

* Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

* Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

* Etc : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

* Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

* Experience : The name men give to their mistakes

* Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions

* Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

* Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way

that you actually look forward to the trip.

* Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

* Optimist : A

person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says

in midway "See I am not injured yet"

* Pessimist : A person who says that 0 is the last letter in Zero,

instead of OPPORTUNITY

* Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich

* Father : A banker provided by nature

* Criminal : A guy no different from the rest.... Except that he

got caught

* Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

* Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after

* Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with

his bills

* Dentist : A magician who puts metals in your mouth and pulls out money from your pocket.

[Guest balwinderkaur]

i posted that already jkaur ...