Please Help Me To Understand This

[rsingh077]

Raj Ke Fateh Sare Members Nu...

Dear Sikh Sangat Members,

I am undergoing through very strange family problem.I am from New Delhi and have been working in UK as a software professional from last few months.I have one elder brother he got married around 4 years back.He is also a software professional like me.Basically we don't belong to New Delhi but he got married to delhi based girl.Before marriage we used to stay together in same house.Once my bhabhi joined our family I have observed she was not keen on staying with us.My brother bought a house near my bhabhi place ( few yards away from her house) . Then eventually he moved to that house with my bhabhi by leaving me and my parents.Somehow I find it ditch with the family and he used to convince me by making some stories that things will be alright.

Its more than 4 years now I dont see single ounce of respect and responsibility from her side.My brother also behaves with us in very formal way.I stay with my parents and we also bought one house in New Delhi.Now I am in UK and I feel very much worried about my parents.Somehow I am so much shocked with this incident I don't make up my mind to get married.I have this deep phobia in my mind that girls don't respect their in laws.My parents have chosen the path of gurudwara ..they say their life is over now and they don't have any expectations from any of you.

In overall I am suffering a lot because of this..as I am unable to accept this rude behaviour from both of them towards us.My Bhabhi parents also till the time she used to stay with us used to communicate with my parents.They are also not concerned about it.Whenever I ask my parents why don't you talk to her parents about her rude behaviour..they say this is all baba jee dee wish and we are okay with it.What should I do as I myself very much extrovert person in life.I am B.Tech from one of the best institute in India ( IIT) and really doing well in my career..

[Mehtab Singh]

Hello veeray

Not getting married just because you had a bad experience from you bhabhi is not right. In fact, now you should make sure that whichever girl you intend to marry, or, whichever girl intends to marry you, better tell her that she should not, even in her dreams, imagine that you will live separate from your parents. And I think you should work out some way to bring your parents to UK to live with you. Its good that they are keen to visit the Gurdwaara, which I assure you they won't miss in UK either. Just be sure you marry a girl from a decent family who is respectful of elders.

Thanks to Ekta Kapoor (for making all those saas bahu serials), the real life of the average saas and bahu has become more complicated than it was before. The future mother-in-laws who watch that trash on TV start thinking of ways how to make sure that their bahu won't make their life hell, and vice versa. These Indian soap operas are the root of most of the chaos that has erupted in Indian families in recent years. I don't think there was much of an issue until the last decade, but after all these saas bahu soaps emerged on the Indian TV horizon, bang we had all these weird things happening.

[Sikh_Soldier]

Hello veeray

Not getting married just because you had a bad experience from you bhabhi is not right. In fact, now you should make sure that whichever girl you intend to marry, or, whichever girl intends to marry you, better tell her that she should not, even in her dreams, imagine that you will live separate from your parents. And I think you should work out some way to bring your parents to UK to live with you. Its good that they are keen to visit the Gurdwaara, which I assure you they won't miss in UK either. Just be sure you marry a girl from a decent family who is respectful of elders.

Thanks to Ekta Kapoor (for making all those saas bahu serials), the real life of the average saas and bahu has become more complicated than it was before. The future mother-in-laws who watch that trash on TV start thinking of ways how to make sure that their bahu won't make their life hell, and vice versa. These Indian soap operas are the root of most of the chaos that has erupted in Indian families in recent years. I don't think there was much of an issue until the last decade, but after all these saas bahu soaps emerged on the Indian TV horizon, bang we had all these weird things happening.

Paaji have you thought about how she feels about leaving her parents.. I'm sure you don't want to... but she may not either

To Original Poster... you make it suond like "the Path of the Gurdwara" is a last resort of some sort

[Mehtab Singh]

Paaji have you thought about how she feels about leaving her parents.. I'm sure you don't want to... but she may not either

To Original Poster... you make it suond like "the Path of the Gurdwara" is a last resort of some sort

Actually if she "feels" anything about leaving her parents, she will be more than happy to look upon her in-laws as her parents, and so things would work out perfect. I think you are trying to say that since the girl has left her parents, the guy should do that as well, is it? Well I am not sure if thats a way out.

[rsingh077]

Thanks a lot for your reply ...but does it solve my problem..I can take my parents to UK as well but why can't my brother and bhabhi share the love in the family...becoz of that i have really suffered..as for finding good girl I have really put great efforts for my brother and during my turn he has taken back seat .and my parents are doing just sake of responsibility ..this is another problem I am grappling with ..I am unable to find good gursikh girl for me .I feel because of my education a decent educated girl can support me in my life...Now I have been discussing this with my friends and it has become nightmare to find once good gursikh girl for me...though I have good number of non sikh girl as my friend but in my deep core i really want to get married with gursikh girl...I have seen nobody in my relation is coming up to support me..they say you just need a hi-fi girl and we can't help with you that...the problem there is no connection between sikh girls and boys nowdays...Am I the only one who is facing this problem

[Ramneet Singh]

Oh my, yeah i agree with mehtab bhaji, theres wayy to much junk on tv. Im probably wayy outa place for even replying to a marriage/family problem topic but i didnt rly understand what u meant by " the problem there is no connection between sikh girls and boys nowdays".

[RKang17]

IT'S A COMMON STORY, ONCE THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW COMES THE SON MOVES OUT WITH HER. DON'Y CHOOSE NOT TO GET MARRIED JUST COZ OF UR EXPEIRENCE INSTEAD LEARN FROM MISTAKES AND FIND A GIRL THAT WILL RESPECT AND LOVE UR PARENTS. KNOW IN ADVANCE THAT SHE IS WILLING TO STAY WITH UR PARENTS.