Brick Wall

[s8220]

So,

I decided I was going to keep a pagh about two weeks ago. Told family, they seemed fine. I was happy.

Turns out I apparently said "I'm *thinking* of keeping a pagh" when I told them. Must have been nerves. I meant that I was going to proceed. They assumed it was open for discussion.

I told all my friends etc. Was recounting this to my older sister, who looked stunned.

Turns out, they're VERY much against the idea. Has caused a lot of issues, made my older sister cry, has upset me in turn. They keep on asking me to wait. Talk of how it'll affect their lives, how the pressure on them from family and mum to keep hair when they're not ready for it/don't want it will be insurmountable, How it's all pakhand as i'm not amritdhari (i explained that this was the path i was hoping to take, and that I already do paath etc), how I should learn gurmukhi first and change myself on the intside before i change myself on the outside, and how I'm "like every other Punjabi Man who only keeps a pagh for 'identity'"

I don't have much of a choice. I was incredibly upset because the next morning, I had to go shave. I feel awful. In one motion I've:

- upset my sisters who I treat like my mum,

- shown how little backbone I actually have,

- feel ashamed when I think about shoteh Sahibzadeh, what they were strong enough to go thru and how weak I am.

- feel slightly dead inside,

- feel disconnected from my family as a result.

Guess I'm not looking for answers. Just wanted to share. Thanks to all those who congratulated me. I actually felt like a part of the Panth

[japmans]

you are a part of the panth.

And Guru Sahib will keep you in sangat and keep you surrounded.. he will help you, if you really want it.

Bhai Joga Singh was one of his most pyaara singhs, and even he felt like giving in and going to a brothel, but Guru Sahib stood in the way and kept him from it.

How hungry are you for Guru Sahib? Because you need only take one step

Charan Saran Gur Ek Paindaa Jaaey Chal,

Satgur Kott Painda Aagay Hoey Layt Hai.

You will be a heer, a rattan for this panth. Your love is apparent from your posts. Keep the hunger! It will happen when it happens, and when it does, you'll be better for all the challenges and all the adversity. Don't give up!

[SonyNeech]

you are a part of the panth.

And Guru Sahib will keep you in sangat and keep you surrounded.. he will help you, if you really want it.

Bhai Joga Singh was one of his most pyaara singhs, and even he felt like giving in and going to a brothel, but Guru Sahib stood in the way and kept him from it.

How hungry are you for Guru Sahib? Because you need only take one step

Charan Saran Gur Ek Paindaa Jaaey Chal,

Satgur Kott Painda Aagay Hoey Layt Hai.

You will be a heer, a rattan for this panth. Your love is apparent from your posts. Keep the hunger! It will happen when it happens, and when it does, you'll be better for all the challenges and all the adversity. Don't give up!

I don't know what i need to say here..

just,

if someone not amritdhari.it doesn't mean he can't keep the hair and turban

SURA SO PEH-CHANIYE

JO LARE DEEN KE HAET

PURJA PURJA KAT MARE

KABHOO NA CHHADE KHET

[*gupt-kaur*]

I don't know what i need to say here..

just,

if someone not amritdhari.it doesn't mean he can't keep the hair and turban

uh?? im sorrry, i dont agree. we ALL should atleast make AN EFFORT to bcome amritdhari in our life. just because we havent been blessed by amrit doesnt mean we shouldnt build up rehit!

rehit, is vital..... and i belive its soo important to start with kes etc.... prepare urself for amrit.

vjkk vjkf

[Tejvir]

Hey, I went throught similar but not quite as full on.

I had a lot of obstecles when growing my hair.

One of the toughest was probably family support.

- Lack of support

- Discouragement

One comment I had was " Jaab e paaliya, Baal rakhey" You've put a burden by keeping your hair.

This was one comment after dunno how many which unleashed the krodh within me, and I blurted out.

"You should be supporting me, Do you know how many things are against me when I try keeping my hair."

You just gotta remember to stay strong, and its best not to tell anyone when you first grow your hair, as its a personal. Once you get over the rock star/emo look with your hair look wearing a patka, not nessesarily with the knot on top but like the cricketer monty panesar.

If you need any help with getting hold of a patka ask one of your friend who is a Singh, or PM me and I'll send ya one.

Once ya hair gets long and theres no other way of styling/controlling it, grab the top bit of ya hair and tie it up(it won't be much)

Tie a White ramaal around ya head(to keep the hair in) and practice tieing a pugh. If you need any help ask a Friend which is a Singh, watch online vids or PM me. I first got my cousin to teach me which was the only Singh in my Generation. And then I got Pugh material from a indian material shop. At first the pugh material is always tough and not very soft so you have to soften it with fabric softener.

Intially from a shaved head to wearing a pugh it took 8 months, could be less or more.

With the psychological side of things, There's no point thinking about how will other people see me, cos your not doing it for them. You'll even get other Singh's saying you that your pugh looks messy or what ever, but don't get disheartened, once you take the step there won't be a need to turn back

in the end its worth it trust me!

Sir Jaave Ta Jaave, Mera Sikhi Sidak Na Jaave

[SonyNeech]

I don't know what i need to say here..

just,

if someone not amritdhari.it doesn't mean he can't keep the hair and turban

uh?? im sorrry, i dont agree. we ALL should atleast make AN EFFORT to bcome amritdhari in our life. just because we havent been blessed by amrit doesnt mean we shouldnt build up rehit!

rehit, is vital..... and i belive its soo important to start with kes etc.... prepare urself for amrit.

vjkk vjkf

yes i know let's start to keep kase.it is good...AN EFFORT to AMRITDHARI best

but i told u i am neech aadmi..i don't keep my kase.

may be GURU JI don't want it..

[Matheen]

Trust me, they'll be fine with time.

[Guest Guest]

I don't understand why your sisters or mother has so much influence over you in such massive decisions. You should respect them as your elders and help them whenever possible but becoming a submissive slave to them and pandering to their every need is not normal behaviour. If they are crying over something you know to be illogical why should it affect you? Man up and respect your elders as you should but don't start worshipping them as Gods. Don't be so emotional over such things and pluck up some inner strength.

[Guest Guest]

I don't understand why your sisters or mother has so much influence over you in such massive decisions. You should respect them as your elders and help them whenever possible but becoming a submissive slave to them and pandering to their every need is not normal behaviour. If they are crying over something you know to be illogical why should it affect you? Man up and respect your elders as you should but don't start worshipping them as Gods. Don't be so emotional over such things and pluck up some inner strength.

That's exactly what I and other people thought but I didn't want to say it because it would sound abit rude! Respect to you for speaking the truth.

Also just to add your sister saying don't keep turban because she will be expected to keep her hair is very selfish. To me it seems like she was just crying over her own needs. Actually I am very shocked she was upset because she wants to cut her hair but now she will feel pressure to keep hair just because you want to wear a turban.

If my sister said that to me then my first thought would be what a self centered sibling and then I would tell her to stop being a cry baby...it will probably make her cry more but hey its the truth.

However unlike all the other posters in this thread.....I will say that you should not wear turban. This is because Sikhi is not desperate for anyone to wear a turban. Sikhi is about making sure those people who do wear turbans are of the best quality. I don't see you lasting to become the best quality so just forget about it.

Also if you really wanted to you would. I personally know people who have had alot more problems than you. I know peeps who had to tell their family they don't want to eat meat and then their family on purpose made lots of meat dishes...they then had to learn to cook veggie food. Or people who have told their parents they don't want to go to a bar anymore and they got dissed by being called 'baba ji' and I even know people who are told to leave their parents house because some parents think their child is becoming a 'terrorist'. At the end of the day these singhs plodded through it and their famliy accepted them. We all know families tend to be there no matter what but from your previous posts and this post you are influenced far too much by other people's view, what they think of you etc.

In all honesty as lovely as you sound, I really don't see you lasting wearing a turban even if your family did say yes this time.. I have this vibe your going to be those temporary 6 month singhs which I know and have met so many times in my life. Actually I wish I could place a million pound bet on every singh who I knew would cut their hair and remove their turban. I would be a billionaire about 3 times over....but alas no betting allowed on singhs!

With that in mind - I don't think you can do it, your always going to look for a problem - so why bother wasting our time and your own time.

[~Preeti~]

oi you!!! stop talking so much crap. who are you to tell him what he can and cannot do? atleast hes making an effort. hes come here to ask for help not to be criticised. it takes a lot of courage to do what hes doing especially since he has no support, people like him are so inspirational and we should learn from them not judge them.

s8220, do whats best for yourself, if you want to keep a pagh then you do just that dont let anyone stop you or tell you that you cant, course you can! prove everyone wrong and most importantly keep ya head up and stay strong. At the end of the day families are just part of the whole wordly illusion there not gona be there once your dead only god is and thats who you have to focus on nothing else.