What Should I Do?

[Guest SERIOUS HELP]

Dear sangat

I do not ever post on these sites for advice as i am a very private person, but now things are very hard and just wated a different unbias perspective on things. I have been going out with a sikh guy now for nearly three years. The relationship was not for fun it was with the aim of getting married.

I told my parents, my mum met him everything was perfect couldn't get better...everyone got on great. He told his parents, however, his parents don't want to know bcos we are different castes. They have not even met me!

I am undecided on what to do...do I keep fighting bcos we are perfect together...or do I walk away bcos I can't risk wating and waiting as i am early mid twenties and ideally want to get married before 26.

So heres the dilema sangatji...

hope to hear from you soon

Gupt

[Heera Singh]

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!

its very simple... who's gonna marry you, him, or his parents? if he's willing to drop this because his parents "don't want" sum1 of a diff caste, then he doesn't deserve to be with you... its as simple as that.. .

if he's got the guts to stand up for what he believes in, then he'll continue to this path of marriage with you.. if he doesn't, then he's not really a singh (in my opinion) and he doesen't deserive 'ur hand' in marriage...

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!

[Guest __Singh__]

Dear sangat

I do not ever post on these sites for advice as i am a very private person, but now things are very hard and just wated a different unbias perspective on things. I have been going out with a sikh guy now for nearly three years. The relationship was not for fun it was with the aim of getting married.

I told my parents, my mum met him everything was perfect couldn't get better...everyone got on great. He told his parents, however, his parents don't want to know bcos we are different castes. They have not even met me!

I am undecided on what to do...do I keep fighting bcos we are perfect together...or do I walk away bcos I can't risk wating and waiting as i am early mid twenties and ideally want to get married before 26.

So heres the dilema sangatji...

hope to hear from you soon

Gupt

I think you have a good thing going here.....you have a singh who will (maybe) stick by you and vice versa, your family is happy the only problem is that his parents are stuck in their backward mentality sorry to be rude but its true. I dont know your man but he should stick up for you NOW if he doesnt then how will he stick up for you in the future??? marriage is for life not just for christmas!......you want to get married by 26 but nothing is guaranteed in this life.....it will happen when it happens...good luck with you future talk to eldars DONT talk to people who dont know you here as people can very easily judge you cos your in a pre marital relationship etc......

[JarnailS]

wjkk wjkf

tell your parents to talk to his parents.... only talk can bring up some solution....

whats the point of getting married if your families dont stay together. marriage is meant to bring two families together, not break them.

what gurughar the boys parents go to... invite some granthi or raagi from that gurughar to come into this matter or ask a bujurg baba or bibi ji to talk to his parents.

wjkk wjkf

[Guest Guest]

who's gonna marry you, him, or his parents?

Heera Singh, I almost always agree with everything you say. This time is no different, except that ^^ part. Strictly speaking, yes he is going to marry her and vice versa but in reality, with Punjabi culture, it almost always ends up with basically 2 families marrying/getting together. So we do need to look at the bigger picture.

Frankly, I side with parents on this issue. It is extra baggage we have to carry of previous generations. God willing, we will be able to get rid of this caste plague within a couple of generation in the future.

[Guest Guest]

nvite some granthi or raagi from that gurughar to come into this matter or ask a bujurg baba or bibi ji to talk to his parents.

It's funny, cause more often than not, it is the bujurg's that are strict on caste

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fathe!

Agree with Heera veerjee 100%. It is very much dependent on the character of the veer you're with... if he's willing to do whats right for you two and sikhi, then that reflects on him... and like Heera said, if he prefers his caste, then he doesn't deserve you.

As to the comment a bit later wait "a few generations"... that's what they said 500 years ago when our gurus made us all equal. Doing whats right and carrying our Khalsa banner doesn't take generations or millennia... it happens right here, right now, with us.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fathe!

[Bored]

jus ask the dude if hes gonna go though with it or not...thats all.

[Heera Singh]

with Punjabi culture, it almost always ends up with basically 2 families marrying/getting together. So we do need to look at the bigger picture.

isn't that a part of the problem, though? why not exterminate the problem at the source... we're not talking about punjabi culture, we're talking about a SIKH marriage.. and in a SIKH marriage there's no place for caste.. just think of what your Guru Sahib would say..

Frankly, I side with parents on this issue.

thats very unfortunate... i would imagine if u were in that exact same situation u would have a different belief..

It is extra baggage we have to carry of previous generations. God willing, we will be able to get rid of this caste plague within a couple of generation in the future./quote]

no, we do not have to carry it.. we can get rid of it... if we CHOOSE...

[sum chumaari]

jus ask the dude if hes gonna go though with it or not...thats all.

it really isnt that simple, especially when the guy doesnt answer you straight...or says he will marry you but in 4 years hasn't even aimed to meet your parents once...but claims you're the only person he an marry in his life....its a different matter

basically he says he will marry you but doesnt do anything about it - he sometimes just thinks things will magically falll into place...or his parents will finally come around and is still trying to persuade them...what should the girl do then?

serious help if this is a similar case with you you should leave the guy, coz us girls deserve a man with balls enough to stand up for us and our love if they feel that strong. if he cant do that you have got your answer.