Marriage

[EKM]

Fateh,

Pls help me..My wife has left me and playing in hands for her parents and her ego .She has taken transfer to different city and on and off gave me a feeling of cheating and mistrust( took away all the jewellery and kept with her). She doesnt share with me anything,and smallest of the happenings at home flows to her parents in a sec.She is in a Managerial position in a bank and as per talks with her parents it seems that the professional success only matters to them and their daughter.They are palying mind tactics by forcing me to come home at the pretext of seeing my daughter.As my dad is heart patient i cannot ask my wife to live with them as she is very short tempered.Moreover i cannot get transfer to thet city as it will pose a greater risk as they have pressurised and took in writing that i will not manhandle my wife( instead several times she had been very aggressive.Its almost two months,initially she used to call me now she seldom calls me.I cannot even think my life without her as she was the first girl i loved,similarly i am depressed by the thot of seeing her with other man that if it goes wrong to divorce.Her mother is all behind this game as she wants that she shud dominate at home.I regularly feel down in spirits and tired.Help in breaking me free from their mind tactics and get my family back.I never imagined that in marriage which is of souls such dirty games are played.

I think if this continues i will be in deep state of unrest mind and health which nobody seems to be concerned off apart frm my parents.

In short right now i am deeply shattered with the treatment from soulmate.

Is materialism and freedom to women destroying marriage ,families and mutual respect .If yes then why people who beleive in this are effected the most..just because they are more emotional than the previous lot.

I want my family back but i also want not to be treated this as my weekness for mind games and used as doormat.

I am sorry if the above doesnt link up very well during converstion.It might be diffficult in understanding..but i am waiting for blessings of sangat in the form of advise...LUV

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

EKM ji,

You have to understand that unless an individual changes his or her mindset it is impossible to change their perspective. Only thing one can do for another is to pray that he/she gets Gurmat or even Sumat.

It is always tough to balance or choose between spouse and parents. When "push comes to shove", matters must be confronted at the crucial point. When wife isn't willing to assist or adjust with in-laws then what options do you have ? On the other hand, if wife isn't willing to co-operate and even listen to her husband then what options do you have ?

One has to be practical in life and balance one's emotions.

Read, listen and contemplate on Gurbani this will bring peace to your mind & body.

ਸਿਮਰਉ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਉ ॥

Meditate, meditate, meditate in remembrance of Him, and find peace.

ਕਲਿ ਕਲੇਸ ਤਨ ਮਾਹਿ ਮਿਟਾਵਉ ॥

Worry and anguish shall be dispelled from your body.

Source: Sukhmani Sahib

http://www.srigranth.org/servlet/gurbani.g...0&Param=262

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest Guest]

Paaji, I am very very sorry to hear you are experiencing this with your wife. I am not married so forgive me because I may not know the best advice to give.

From the situation, I think you need to put yourself in a stronger position. At the moment from what you wrote it seems that she is the Breadwinner. If it was me, I would put myself above that, career wise, spiritually and mentally. For example, where are you in your career? Strive to become better so you are not dependent on her money. In the same way play sport or go to gym to take out your anger and frustration, you'll become a more confident person. And lastly you need to strengthen your mind mentally, do Jaap sahib every morning and believe me you will get so much josh and rush it will boost your confidence.

Don't be in a vulnerable position by depending on her, that is exactly what she wants and that is exactly what her mother wants to see you doing. Become independent, become confident, trust Waheguru and always do Jaap sahib (if you can't do jaap sahib, do guru gyatri mantra- Gobinday, mukhanday, udharay, apaaray, hareeang, kareeang, nrinaamay, akaamay) it's in the jaap sahib and it was baba deep singh's personal gurmantra which gave him so much shakti and cuts through all the negative drama in your life. When you get in this position, she will automatically realise and come back to you. If not, someone else will come in your, someone who appreciates you. But first strengthen yourself! see what happens after that.

Best of luck Paaji, you deserve the best. but please try to think positively and positive things will happen in your lifee.. Trust waheguru...he will GUARENTEE your path to happiness and success!! best of luck..

[Tony]

Fateh . . . .

We go through so much in life. I am talking from personal experience.

My thoughts are with you in this matter.

I will pm you on a personal basis. IN the mean time be strong and strong. I wasnt but time is such a thing it will make you go through this. Just dont leave Bani...... it is the ONLY help which will really help you.

Fateh . . . . .

[Tony]

On a separate note; there are so many sikh/panjabi families which are being devestated in the western and in our own homeland now a days.

the other communities have an internal counselling service which helps such families to cope and try to salvage the marriage. I dont know of any in the SIKH community which does this. We as a community need to look into this.

Your thoughts/comments welcome!

Fateh . . . . .

[xHarinder_singh]

Dear Veer,

First of all, our soul-mate is God. Having said that marriage is a pretty strong committment and is not a joke. For me personally, relationship with spouse is based on RESPECT and TRUST. In ur case, it seems there is neither trust in ur relationship nor respect. Such a relation is BOUND TO CREATE TROUBLE.

If I was u, I will concentrate on simran and try to live a very simple spiritual life. If ur wife changes, great, welcome her, otherwise let her go. MOHH(attachmen) is FIRE. U seem to be completely engrossed in Moh with ur wife. SIMRAN IS THE ONLY SOLUTION.

Basically, only a relation that is based on GURMUKHTAYEE is true, rest all are false and only give pain. Only when 2 people make each other japp naam and help each other get nearer to God, their relationship is true. Rest is FIRE.

[Harjeet.Singh]

Whatever is to be done by God he goes on doing that...

Sorry im of no help, but what im trying to say is ultimitaley as long as you keep faith in God, only good can come out of this so don't worry and keep strong in your faith. You will make it. Always think positive no matter what, you must meditate on God, he himself is engaged in fulfilling all your desires, he is the destroyer of all pains and diseases. Tell your mind, this, you have to seriously brainwash yourself. I don't mean telling yourself false information. Brainwash is made up of two words, brain and wash, you have to wash your mind, focus on what is important, this is God. Then he will take care of the rest for you. Do not lose this battle to your petty emotions.

In the end, your life can be back on track, even better than what it was before, your wife could come back to you who knows, but never forget God.

Wordly pleasures are the disease, but pain is the remedy, your pain is just weakness leaving the body, you are only going to get stronger as a result of this.

[EKM]

I thank from bottom of my heart to all Sangat ji...that they have tried to hold me and infuse strength ....I will try my best ...to feel presence of GURU..

Waheguru ji ka khalsa..

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest dirk diggler]

Fateh,

Pls help me..My wife has left me and playing in hands for her parents and her ego .She has taken transfer to different city and on and off gave me a feeling of cheating and mistrust( took away all the jewellery and kept with her). She doesnt share with me anything,and smallest of the happenings at home flows to her parents in a sec.She is in a Managerial position in a bank and as per talks with her parents it seems that the professional success only matters to them and their daughter.They are palying mind tactics by forcing me to come home at the pretext of seeing my daughter.As my dad is heart patient i cannot ask my wife to live with them as she is very short tempered.Moreover i cannot get transfer to thet city as it will pose a greater risk as they have pressurised and took in writing that i will not manhandle my wife( instead several times she had been very aggressive.Its almost two months,initially she used to call me now she seldom calls me.I cannot even think my life without her as she was the first girl i loved,similarly i am depressed by the thot of seeing her with other man that if it goes wrong to divorce.Her mother is all behind this game as she wants that she shud dominate at home.I regularly feel down in spirits and tired.Help in breaking me free from their mind tactics and get my family back.I never imagined that in marriage which is of souls such dirty games are played.

I think if this continues i will be in deep state of unrest mind and health which nobody seems to be concerned off apart frm my parents.

In short right now i am deeply shattered with the treatment from soulmate.

Is materialism and freedom to women destroying marriage ,families and mutual respect .If yes then why people who beleive in this are effected the most..just because they are more emotional than the previous lot.

I want my family back but i also want not to be treated this as my weekness for mind games and used as doormat.

I am sorry if the above doesnt link up very well during converstion.It might be diffficult in understanding..but i am waiting for blessings of sangat in the form of advise...LUV

[Guest dirk diggler]

Paaji, sorry to hear you're having problems with your marriage but from the sound of it, you are much better off without someone that damaging in your life. Ditch the witch and move on. You deserve better than the likes of her.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but I've been through the same nonsense with my old woman and I'm much better off now that she's out of the picture.