Is Our Memory Shelf Life That Limited?

[vikramjitsingh]

Fateh parwaan karro jiyo,

I lost my Mom three years back. She singularly brought up my Dad's side of the family. Practically all her nephews and nieces got her help and affection. She did a lot for her sister. To the extent that she did not press for any share in her parental property and let all go to her sister (she lost her only brother in the 1970's).

A day before her death anniversary in a sad state of mind my Dad told me that 'just see no one will even remember this day'. Early in the morning I got on the phone and spoke to all my cousins and requested them to call up my Dad. What shocked me was that none of them remembered my Mom's death anniversary. Not even her own sister.

Really very depressed by this. I know it’s a reality but when it hits you it really hurts.

Does time really heal or is our memory shelf life limited?

And then from our minds memory of our loved one's is automatically omitted.

Will after my passing all my near and dear forget me that fast?

Is it that only for a few years our memory does last?

Don’t they say our deeds linger on after we’ve gone?

Shouldn’t people be remembering us for what we’ve done?

Anyway thankfully once we go it’ll not matter to us,

That in the memory of the one’s we loved our memory misses the bus!

I'd posted this message on another Sikh Forum yesterday. After posting the message I went to Sector 34 Gurudwara to attend the Bhog of a friend. And the first shabad that Ragi ji sang was :

(536-15)

jagat mai jhoothee daykhee pareet.

In this world, I have seen love to be false.

I've got the answer.

Guru Rakha

[Papi]

Awsw ]

aasaa ||

Aasaa:

jb lgu qylu dIvy muiK bwqI qb sUJY sBu koeI ]

jab lag thael dheevae mukh baathee thab soojhai sabh koee ||

As long as the oil and the wick are in the lamp, everything is illuminated.

qyl jly bwqI ThrwnI sUMnw mMdru hoeI ]1]

thael jalae baathee t(h)eharaanee soo(n)naa ma(n)dhar hoee ||1||

But when the oil is burnt, the wick goes out, and the mansion becomes desolate. ||1||

ry baury quih GrI n rwKY koeI ]

rae bourae thuhi gharee n raakhai koee ||

O mad-man, no one will keep you, for even a moment.

qUM rwm nwmu jip soeI ]1] rhwau ]

thoo raam naam jap soee ||1|| rehaao ||

Meditate on the Name of that Lord. ||1||Pause||

kw kI mwq ipqw khu kw ko kvn purK kI joeI ]

kaa kee maath pithaa kahu kaa ko kavan purakh kee joee ||

Tell me, whose mother is that, whose father is that, and which man has a wife?

Gt PUty koaU bwq n pUCY kwFhu kwFhu hoeI ]2]

ghatt foottae kooo baath n pooshhai kaadtahu kaadtahu hoee ||2||

When the pitcher of the body breaks, no one cares for you at all. Everyone says, ""Take him away, take him away!""||2||

dyhurI bYTI mwqw rovY KtIAw ly gey BweI ]

dhaehuree bait(h)ee maathaa rovai khatteeaa lae geae bhaaee ||

Sitting on the threshold, his mother cries, and his brothers take away the coffin.

lt iCtkwey iqrIAw rovY hMsu iekylw jweI ]3]

latt shhittakaaeae thireeaa rovai ha(n)s eikaelaa jaaee ||3||

Taking down her hair, his wife cries out in sorrow, and the swan-soul departs all alone. ||3||

khq kbIr sunhu ry sMqhu BY swgr kY qweI ]

kehath kabeer sunahu rae sa(n)thahu bhai saagar kai thaaee ||

Says Kabeer, listen, O Saints, about the terrifying world-ocean.

iesu bMdy isir julmu hoq hY jmu nhI htY gusweI ]4]9]

eis ba(n)dhae sir julam hoth hai jam nehee hattai gusaaee ||4||9||

This human suffers torture and the Messenger of Death will not leave him alone, O Lord of the World. ||4||9||

[jassa]

time can do anything it cure wounds it can fade the love and everything ... but how can overpower this time and remembered for ever ... one of the very few persons i slaute in history is udham singh he waiting for 15 years and not let time heal his wounds ... and one more thing i would like to add its not that fake love ... sometimes true love also fades away ... your in love with some of ur friend today but after fews years of being out of contact your attachment would not be same it doesnt mean few years back u didnt shared any bond ... its just time and normal human nature ...

[WildCard]

WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Vikramjit Singh Ji,

to expect others to pay the same attention and have the same concern for our (or any) circumstance or situation is futile. Each of us has a unique perspective of the world and how long or short our memory is of anyone or anything is directly related to our unique view. just as Mahraj has created us all with unique DNA, unique fingerprints and uniqe dispositions, we each have a unique world view.

It is not important that others do not remember, do not concern yourself with that. What is important is that you and your immediate family (your father and siblings) remember. The love that you would have shared as a family is different in both its nature and its intensity than it would be for anybody else in the extended family, so do not judge these people too harshly. when they lose somebody that close, they will remember their own loss and then, just as you are finding now, others will not and they will ask the same question.

What counts is that you remember her, what she did for you, what she stood for in your life and how she has influenced your journey. What did she teach you in life and what did she teach you in her passing away? Be grateful for her, all that she taught you, and look for her when you look at ur dad, your siblings, the other people in your life both near and far. look for her in the smiles that you share, the hugs, the comfort and even in the disagreements and arguments. look for her mannerisms in those close to you and i think you will find that the essence of who she was and what she meant to you is not far at all.

be strong Veer.

[Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz]

sometimes when things are too painful, it is a natural psychological defense mechanism to block out those depressing thoughts or events. i always remember around what month so and so died but to remember the date etc make me relive the pain..instead of grieving for the ones who have gone to their true home where we will also go one day, pray for them in your ardaas always , the only thing that can help them.stay strong, all of us one day will have to face the pain of a parent passing away, death is a hard thing to understand but our gurus have described it to us in such detail that we should try to encourage each other and stay in chardikala and not be afraid of it...

if you have ever seen gursikhs who know their time of death, each birthday that passes they cry because they havent left this world, they know truly, they TRULY know that our home after life is our true home, we can say these words, but for them they know it to be true

stay in chardikala and rem this is kaljug, we all need to keep it as blissful as we can with sikhi in our lives, we are so blessed with that chance, as well we need to accept death + guru jis charan with grace and happiness when this life comes to an end and the soul moves forward..it's a reminder for all of us inlcuding me