My Wedding

[Guest bride2be]

im the only person who has shakked amrit in my family.

im getting married to a singh who whos parents are amrit shakked along with his bro/sis.

benti, i dont want no arguments on this topic just advice please.

i will give you a brief outline of the wedding.

friday-

saturday-

sunday- wedding at gurdwara, milni, + cake cutting ceremony at gurdwara, kirtan/dhadhi, photos, hopefully gataka too

well sunday is all i am sure about, both of us have already asked parents and my singhs side of the family have sorted their side of the wedding out.

if i hire a marquee for my garden and have kirtan programme there with maharaj presence. (friday), it will be all clean, beautiful decorated.

please note - no meat or alcohol will be present throughout the wedding days.

if then on saturday, have a party in the same marquee after changing the flooring, decoratings, put a few tables in. if there is no meat or alcohol is that not ok? i mean there will be no dirty songs just giddah, jagooh etc. i am the only amrit shakked person in my household and my family. is this not understandable? they will not listen to me. so i thought that would be ok? please help me

[Guest guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki Fateh

Congrats Bhenji

I was in a similar situation to you when i got married a few yrs back, there were up's and downs with myfamily (as back in the day, i was really firm, infelxible and one-way in my outlook to sikhi), eventually i got my own way as to how the weddign as per gurmat should happen, but it caused a bit of stress within the family.

but looking back (expereince etc) maybe i was too harsh and in flexible in my ways

Do what your comfortable with, as you say there's no sharab and meat, so to me it's not really a party, just a family getting together to enjoy their daughters wedding, let them have their fun as it is a special occasion for them too, they will see the sikhi side during the kirtan prog at your house.

Sorry if I've said anything to offend any1 else

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh ji

[Only five]

Since you are Amritdhari then seek advice about the party from the Punj Pyare. They will direct you in the correct decision.

A family get together afterward at the house is alright, but to have a party with gidda and all is not appropiate.

As a family you can go back to the Gurdwara and your family can have Darshan of Guru Sahib again.

As Sikhs of the Guru we are not to give another place to indulge in maya or indulge in it ourselves.

One of the recent wedding I went to at the Gurdwara the family was announced as Gursikhs, but that evening they had a reception. Now do you see the message that was sent out here. The recpetion part without knowing was put as Gurmat when clearly it isn't.

As Sikhs of the Guru, you represent the Khalsa and you don't want to mislead others thinking something that is wrong into being right.

The Khalsa on these event has to put it's foot down and not fall under pressure to weak demands of Manmat.

[Guest .]

each time we're invited to a wedding, where the family are having a party the night before, i feel like theyre laughing in my gurus face.

why do we need to have a party? is bani not enough for us anymore?? are we so spiritually sick that we need parties and dancing and giddah to satisfy some sort of desire inside us that bani is not able to fulfill??

if the ananj kaaraj ceremony ALONE is good enough for guru maharaaj then it is MORE than good enough for us!!

yes i understand that sometimes you need to compromise, marriage is all about compromise and it wont work if you dont! but never ever compromise when it comes to gurmat asools. if we are not following gurmat, then we are turning our backs on our guru.

your family need to realise that this wedding is going to be conducted properly, exactly how guru sahib intended.

if they dont get a party, TOUGH. get over it! there will be hundreds more parties, theyll have more than enough opportunities to party.

if you went to a muslim wedding, would you expect them to serve pork? of course not. so why should we expect parties before an anand kaaraj?

please be strong. put your foot down. show your family that naam, bani, keertan, katha, dhadhi, gatka..anything gurmat related is good enough, it is not possible to improve upon gurmat. start your married life as you mean to go on.

[Papi]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki Fateh

Congrats Bhenji

I was in a similar situation to you when i got married a few yrs back, there were up's and downs with myfamily (as back in the day, i was really firm, infelxible and one-way in my outlook to sikhi), eventually i got my own way as to how the weddign as per gurmat should happen, but it caused a bit of stress within the family.

but looking back (expereince etc) maybe i was too harsh and in flexible in my ways

Do what your comfortable with, as you say there's no sharab and meat, so to me it's not really a party, just a family getting together to enjoy their daughters wedding, let them have their fun as it is a special occasion for them too, they will see the sikhi side during the kirtan prog at your house.

Sorry if I've said anything to offend any1 else

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh ji

Experience is always the best teacher

To the folks who are saying it's not okay to have a little get together, there must some days in your life when you do something with your friends, away from the gurudwara ...maybe sports or how about playing games?

[Guest bride2be]

i dont think you understand, i am their only daughter and the ONLY amrit shakked person in my whole family, that includes cousins cousins cousins masis cousins, nobody at all!

theyre already angry because i said no to a reception, what am i supposed to do? if i tell them about bani they will laugh in my face and say is a wedding not an akhand paath.

all they want is a marquee in the garden with a few bhangra track some fizzy drinks and veg food.

they want to do the jagoo and dance abit as its a happy occasion.

they want to do mayaan

all the 'normal stuff' for a punjabi wedding

[Only five]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki Fateh

Congrats Bhenji

I was in a similar situation to you when i got married a few yrs back, there were up's and downs with myfamily (as back in the day, i was really firm, infelxible and one-way in my outlook to sikhi), eventually i got my own way as to how the weddign as per gurmat should happen, but it caused a bit of stress within the family.

but looking back (expereince etc) maybe i was too harsh and in flexible in my ways

Do what your comfortable with, as you say there's no sharab and meat, so to me it's not really a party, just a family getting together to enjoy their daughters wedding, let them have their fun as it is a special occasion for them too, they will see the sikhi side during the kirtan prog at your house.

Sorry if I've said anything to offend any1 else

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh ji

Experience is always the best teacher

To the folks who are saying it's not okay to have a little get together, there must some days in your life when you do something with your friends, away from the gurudwara ...maybe sports or how about playing games?

Creates a false statement then give a reason to defend it. Next time i'll say pigs can fly and present a video showing pigs can't fly. What a smart plan

[Guest singh]

Hi

I appreciate that this is a difficult one however there is a need to stick to your principles. The best thing to do is have your programme on Friday. If they are insistent on a Saturday party ask them to ether do it elsewhere such as a hall which you will not attend or state that if it is in the house that you will go to a friends house or to the gurdwara and return when it is finished. i.e. take yourself out of the situation.

It is unfortunate that you cannot have your kirtan prog on the Sat nite since that would resolve all of the problems.

[Guest papppppi]

mayann is noo noo it gonna end up pulling ur kes out when they rub it on and its not gurmat jiii

do not falll for other people

if ur family want u to be happy 4 u they will know what is best gurmat wise

do not fall for other people

why have a party where people will jus come and eat and goo where u can have a akand path sehj path kirtan darbar katha

where people will go with lahaa and guru jis blessings

[AmarjitKaur]

As far as I can imagine your situation. On Thursday, have akhand path started at your home and contribute towards it along with some PaThi singh you guys can arrange for. ON Saturday morning, have smapti and invite all you can. Have keertan and then langar. And in the even, have some lady sangeet kind of ceremony where people can do more punjabi things and still not have drinks and forbidden foods. Its ok, let them dance a little with decent songs. Dancing is a good exercise. If you don't feel contributing, you go in some quiet room and do some Sukhmani sahib de path. That way people won't bug you either.

I don't know where u are located and does it suit you/your family or not, that you have to figure out. But by doing akhandpath in the family, whole family will get chance to contribute towards the sewa of guru sahib and ghar da mahaul would be more religious for those many days.