I'M A 16 Year Old Sikh Boy And I Want To Cut/Shave My Hair

[whyshouldicare]

I am very confused about this topic. I have brought it up to them and i ended up going to a pshycologist for my trouble. I hate the way I look and feel. I don't believe in this aspect of the sikh religion because it holds no significance in 2010. I am actually considering just shaving and watching their reaction. I need guidance. because I still feel like i want to shave.

[Guest Bloom]

In My Opinion,

Look At It From The Gurus' Point of View. Study A Little About The Great Gurus' and Your Faith In The Guru Will Become Strong. Then Your Faith In The Gurus' Teachings Will Become Strong.

It Is Not About Year 1, Year 2010, or The Future. Even In The Times of The Guru People Did Not Keep Their Kesh. But, The Guru Brought The Eternal Truth. The Same Truth of The Lord Is Infinite. The Same Rules Applied In The Past, Applies Now, and Applies In The Future. It Has Nothing To Do With The Time. The Truth Does Not Change. The Guru Are The Embodiment Of Eternal Truth.

Choteh SahibZadeh Gave Their Lives But Not Their Sikhi. This Was To Show Us How To Live. Bhai Taru Singh Ji Showed Us How To Love The Kesh and Teachings Of The Guru.

Build Your Mental Strength By Studying About The Great Gurus and Your Love For The Gurus Teaching Will Automatically Become Strong. Take Your Mind Towards Becoming A Better Sikh and Becoming A Great Khalsa, Day by Day, Second By Second, But Even As You Build Your Strength Stay Within The Boundaries Of Your Hair From Head To Toe. The Guru Gave The Hair As A Fort. Even Where Guru Gave Amrit To The Panj Pyarehs, That Takhat Sahib Is Known As Takhat Sri KeshGarh Sahib. Which Means The Fort of Hair. As You Build and Learn More and More, and Your Belief In The Guru Gets Stronger And Stronger, Even While You Learn, Stay Within The Fort of Your Hair From Head To Toe.

Build Your Confidence With Your Saabat Roop (Natural) and Don Yourself With a Crown and Build Your Love For The Guru, And Automatically You Will Feel and Even Look Better To Yourself and Others. It Doesn't Take Long For That Effect To Take Place. It Can Happen Even in An Instant, and Then Remain Permanent. It Can Even Be Sparked At This Very Moment.

Best Of Luck Brother.

Our Love and Prayers are With You.

Build Your Understanding For The Palace of Guru Gobind Singh Ji Day By Day, Second By Second, Remaining Within The Fort Of Hair, From Head To Toe.

You Do Care! If You Didn't Care You Wouldn't Have Posted! And We Are Glad You Posted! And We Care! Or We Wouldn't Have Replied! And Guru and God Cares! Or Guru Wouldn't Have Sacrificed Everything For You! And Khalsa Panth Cares! And Everyone and Khalsa Panth Loves That You Care Too! So Take Care Well! And That's Why You Should Care!

If We Have To Scold You Too, We Will! Keep All Your Kesh Brother!

[buddasingh]

I am very confused about this topic. I have brought it up to them and i ended up going to a pshycologist for my trouble. I hate the way I look and feel. I don't believe in this aspect of the sikh religion because it holds no significance in 2010. I am actually considering just shaving and watching their reaction. I need guidance. because I still feel like i want to shave.

Do you hate the way Guru Gobind Singh Ji looked? Do you not think he felt like a King? What is the faith or philosophical significance of taking a razor to your face daily in 2010?

Does identity not hold significance in 2010? Identity always holds significance. You identify yourself with the clothing you wear. Would you wear anything? If identity does not hold significance in 2010, then if you shave, make sure you wear a skirt to school as well cause pants surely hold no particular significance in 2010.

Forget about what your parents think for a moment. Educate and empower yourself about the Sikh faith. Identity is not an aspect of the religion. If you take H2O (water) for example, you can try to say oxygen is but one aspect of water. However, if you remove oxygen you no longer have water, you have hydrogen only. Water gives you life, take out the oxygen and you die.

Change is part of growing up. Every 16 year old will be self-conscious with some aspect of this change. They generally don't go around telling their friends. If you give in now, your psyche will always remember that you could not cut it in becoming a man with self confidence. More than anything, you likely need self confidence that comes from learning about Sikhi.

[SunSingh]

The reason you feel this way is b/c you don't have Guru ji's shakti inside you. As a result your mind runs outside, and feels the (limited) power of outside opinion which influences you. If you start waking up early and doing paath, doing naam simran, than you'll build up power inside of yourself. This will allow you to live independant of worldly opinion. And then you won't have any problem keeping kesh anymore.

[conquerthemind]

I am very confused about this topic. I have brought it up to them and i ended up going to a pshycologist for my trouble. I hate the way I look and feel. I don't believe in this aspect of the sikh religion because it holds no significance in 2010. I am actually considering just shaving and watching their reaction. I need guidance. because I still feel like i want to shave.

It may be 2010, but the path to God has not changed. Keep that in mind...the path to God is the same as it was 500 years ago...the same as it was when Kaljug began. The Gurus taught us what we must do to win this game of life (they taught us how to find and tread this path). "Kiv Sachara Hoee-ai Kiv Koorai Tutai Paal? Hukam Rajaaee Chalanaa Nanak Likhya Naal." If you want to win at this game of life, you must follow Guru Ji's Hukam - keeping our hair is one of the Hukams.

Take me for example. I'm a girl. Yet I have more facial hair than most guys...I don't remove it...nor do I cut off the hair from my head.... and I manage to get through life perfectly fine!!

If this doesn't convince you...then do whatever you want - it really makes no difference to us. Your life is yours alone. You screw it up, you will suffer for it - not us.

May you make the right decision.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa.

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

[humkire]

whyshouldicare jee,

It appears that your parents are forcing things on you rather than encouraging and inspiring you to do the right things. Do share what the psychologist said and whether he has had a private talk with your mom and dad, and what he said he would tell them , as this will help to help me and others assess the situation better.You can p.m this to me in private if u prefer.

I am getting a feeling that the real problem is not the hair but difficulties in your relationship with your mom and dad. It is very common that around your age of 16, your parents forget that you are growing up and cannot be talked and ordered about as if you are still a kid. This starts from little things and builds into big things. This can make you feel not loved and home can start feeling like a hot hell because no one ever wants to treat and talk to you as a growing up adult person with whom they need to discuss things rather than force things on you. There is a generation gap, the relationship starts breaking down, they feel you dont love them anymore and are too stubborn and rebellious, and you feel they are too bossy and not giving you freedom and independence. This can all lead to kids running away from home, doing the wrong things or having a psychological crisis or breakdown.

First thing is to remember that your parents do actually really really love you and just want to protect you and want the best for you because you mean everything to them. So try to avoid getting angry with them and hating them. They may be going about saving you from bad things in the wrong way but that doesnt mean they are bad. Remember your mom had to carry you around in her womb for 9 months and really suffer at child birth and how she would stay up all night wen u cudnt sleep and breast feed you and change your nappies and wash you, take you to doctors wen u fell ill . Remember how your dad protected you and worried about you wen he was working and cudnt wait till he came back home from work to kiss you everyday. See the film called Incendiary to understand how deeply parents love their kids(or the new series of Battlestar Galactica and keep an eye on the chinese girl cylone and her love for her kid).

If you can change your attitude towards your parents who you feel are patronising you, you can be more positive and receptive to their good advice and will start to see the wisdom in their words. I once had a conversation with a prostitute whom I was counselling and she told me she had 3 kids but smoked cocaine and followed men in their cars for sex. I had to advice her that she was a very irresponsible mother who could get murdered by bad guys and that she needed to stop prostitution and cocaine and start becoming a good mother to her kids. You are so lucky your parents aren't like that but good people who have never let you go hungry and be bad examples to follow.

Veerjee, once you can start loving your parents again, or more than you are now, you will see that their advice is good and you will start cooperating with them. Try to slow talk to them too, either through your mom, or through one of your chachajee, mamajee , masijee or bhuajee, that you want to be treated as an adult and explained things and not forced into things. Dont rebel and do things to await their reaction because you will break their heart. Instead try to explain to them your feelings and your needs and give them ideas e.g why not go to a nice seaside cafe for tea and talk out things. Tell them you really love them and ask them to tell you how much they love you. Tell them you are not stubborn and ask them to tell you the history of hair in Sikhism. Assure them that you do not want to destroy your life and do bad things but want to pass your gcse's with good results, do your A levels and go to one of the top 5 universities in this country. You must tell your parents your needs and also take their good advise. It works both ways.

Veerjee, I am very very proud of you that before you ended up cutting your beautiful hair you have come here . Here as you can see no one is forcing you but people of around your own age are logic-ing with you and reasoning out with you. So do listen to them too because i can see they all love you even if some replies appear a bit direct and harsh. Keep posting all your doubts here because thereare many wise people of your age here waiting to be your friends and talk to you.

So do try to calm things down between you and your parents and do try to get them talking to you like an adult. You are 16 means you must be very soon having your gcse exams. Instead of hair, worry more about your coming exams and prepare well for them so u can pass and do your A levels ok. If you need help in any subjects , please type on here and let us know because I am sure there will be someone in your town in this website who can become your friend and help you in your studies.

I do not want to talk you down because you must be much more cleverer than me in many things like how to use computers, play games etc etc but if i can humbly say this for you to consider....... if you cut your hair who do you please? -just yourself and some friends to look 'modern'. But if you keep yur hair you will make Gurujee so happy with you and once God is happy with you, He protects you, looks after you and that is very important because in the next few years you need God's help in your studies and to get a job etc.

Also, make sure you are going to the gym, learning gatka, going swimming, cycling etc regularly. Thats very important at your age. Also take punjabee classes, learn how to play the tabla or harmonium, and how to read Gurbani. At your age, instead of worrying about cutting hair, you want to do well in your studies, develop many hobbies, be very talented and physically fit.

Veerjee , if anything i have said is wrong or hurts you, I am really sorry. I have written you a long post because I suffered exactly the same kind of treatment at your age or even much worse when i was your age and it brings back painful memories. Hope you find my and other's advice on here helpful and i think you have a lot of things to teach me too. I am really surprised that at your age your english is so good the way you typed your post. You could become a writer or journalist haha.

Try to get your parents to arrange for them, you and the rest of your family to go somewhere nice for this summer even for a week and come back and teach me how to type with both hands on my computer hehe .

Take care and be good.

[Khalasthan86]

Paaji, trust me, dont cut your kesh, trust me, its cool!

if you have a beard / moustache, dont cut it, trust me,

ask a 13 year old, who is eagar for a dhaari, how he feels...

does a lion every cut his mane??? <-- answer that question :D

[SarabLoh]

how kesh applies in the modern world.

Most people weren't keshdhari in guru sahibs time either, there isn't much difference from then and today. Kesh makes you stand out, thus forces your character to grow into some one who is comfortable with him self and his ideals. kesh made you stand out then, as it does today and teaches you to not subject your self to the will of others and society. it teaches you to be an individual, a unique entity, immortalizing you as an exemplification of this ideal. If your not comfortable with your self, it becomes apparent and those around you. Then you become nothing but a sheep, one who cant think on his own and face society in the face and say " I am ". You're denying your self liberty to not give a crap about others and do what you have to do, and this earns you respect in the world. Cutting your kesh shows the world your weak and subject to its will. I live in the states, and went to school with one other punjabi. I was the only sardar. People respected me for who I am and having enough in me to stand out and not hide who I am. On top of that I am an amritdhari singh who follows rehat. While my friends may drink smoke have sex etc. they respect me for being able to follow a discipline. Everyone loved me from the ghetto gangsters to the white kids, and those people are still my best friends. the other punjabi was one with cut hair trying to fit in with everyone. changing his hair styles to clothign styles trying to apart of one group or another. a few people even asked me why doesnt he keep his hair. "is he too much of a bi*ch to stand out like you?" no one respected him, even though he was a really good kid. moral of the story, cutting your hair isnt going to change your skin color.

Before you cut hair and think why should i cut it and what do i get out of it, ask your self why should i not cut it and what does this hair and beard bring to me"