Dowry

[Only five]

Dowry from a Sikhi perspective is when one side of the families demands a commodity from the less fortunate family or the girls side. A gift is a gesture of apperciation that is not asked for or demanded from any side. With guptkuri's situation, it is a gift from the parents to her and the husband. But you need to be really careful, don't put the house even in your name. Keep it under your parents name, until you have 100% assurance that it is not a case of get rich and ditch.

[Only five]

So try to find the balance, maybe take the house but let it be known that its not a freebee and both you and your husband will need to pay toward it and eventually it will be yours. This will also ensure that back home he wont be letting others know that if you marry a kuri from USA, in laws will be handing out houses.

This can have the reverse effect where he feels undermined and has to follow the orders of the inlaws because they gave them a house. So it can result in him, losing some of his self-worth and acting out by saying we don't need the house and we can make one later on, how i want it to be.

[kds1980]

Dowry from a Sikhi perspective is when one side of the families demands a commodity from the less fortunate family or the girls side. A gift is a gesture of apperciation that is not asked for or demanded from any side. With guptkuri's situation, it is a gift from the parents to her and the husband. But you need to be really careful, don't put the house even in your name. Keep it under your parents name, until you have 100% assurance that it is not a case of get rich and ditch.

My bhua just told me of a case where she met a bibi who was in tears that her daughter is 27 and there are no good rishta's for her.She said

people come and say that they don't want anything but then they look at house and realise that the family is not rich and then they just don't reply back.

so one cannot say that dowry is demand from a less fortunate family because then people will not even go to less fortunate families for having a Rishta

[VanHelsingh]

My bhua just told me of a case where she met a bibi who was in tears that her daughter is 27 and there are no good rishta's for her.She said

people come and say that they don't want anything but then they look at house and realise that the family is not rich and then they just don't reply back.

so one cannot say that dowry is demand from a less fortunate family because then people will not even go to less fortunate families for having a Rishta

Great point. I've heard of similar cases but the roles are reversed, i.e. the lad isn't flashy or overtly wealthy (but holds down a respectable, white-collar job) but still isn't deemed suitable for a girl - even if the boy is considered to be a decent lad. But I guess you can't criticise people for aiming high - its their life.

[Bundha]

A dowry is actually what is given to the bride by her family on her wedding, whether it is asked by the boy side or not is immaterial.

If the boy side are "baysharam" they will ask straight up before the wedding. Others will see what they get and if it is not enough they will cause a commotion, a few will accept just what is given.

We are upposed to be reducing this kind of thing not increasing it, gifting a house and furniture seems to be very extravagant indeed. Kharkoo singhs in the 80's used to demand that any Sikh wedding should be done with 5 rupees due to the spiralling extravigance in Punjab.

[Only five]

My bhua just told me of a case where she met a bibi who was in tears that her daughter is 27 and there are no good rishta's for her.She said

people come and say that they don't want anything but then they look at house and realise that the family is not rich and then they just don't reply back.

so one cannot say that dowry is demand from a less fortunate family because then people will not even go to less fortunate families for having a Rishta

If you look at your so called scenario, then it has nothing to do with dowry and everything to do with class. Some people don't want to get married into families that are not wealthy and that is there choice, but it has nothing to do with dowry. Dowry comes in when a commodity is demanded/"deserved" from one of the sides. Also you did not understand what i was saying. The less fortunate part means the families could be at two ends of the spectrum, one's rich and others poor or one is a bit more well off than the other and then I added or the girls side (which you completely ignored and went off on a completely unrelated story). Its a demand requested from the family with more power to say we have more power than you so we need something of value that assure us that this deal will not be broken now or in the near future. I could have left it at less fortunate, but in this twisted punjabi culture, they see the girls side as lower. So when the grooms family takes the girl, it's like doing her parents a favor and now we deserve to be returned with a favor and this is where the dowry part comes in. Look at how many baby girls are being killed in this twisted punjabi culture. It's seen as a burden for the girls side and they cant wait to take the burden off their shoulders. Here I'll post the definition again for you.

Dowry from a Sikhi perspective is when one side of the families demands a commodity from the less fortunate family or the girls side.