I Don'T Like My Wife , What Should I Do

[Guest newbie]

West london singh - spot on my friend.

[Guest Guy]

thanks for all your replies ,

I understand that beauty is not everything and Gurskihi far above these things. But frankly speaking , i am not Brhamgyani who can detach myself from maya comletely. I have just started Gurskihi jeevan and i know how hard is for me to give up bad habits which i had developed before Gursikhi. So its not like that i took Amrit and all bad habits are gone. My thinking still similar to old way.

When i asked Gursikhs that how can i stop myself for going after girls , then they told me that once you are married this habit will pass away. Whenever i see any beautiful girl then i simply tell my mind not to look after that because once i will get married then i will loot at her. This way i was controlling that thing. But now i can't do that. My problem still remains.

I have long list of things to control on Gurskihi life but i am a human. Its not like i eat some tablet and next day all vices are gone.

Also i am not saying that i am abadoning her. i just want to know how to convince my mind. The other thing is how can i convince my parents , they are not gurskih and i have to deal with them everyday.

I don't know how you guys can say that its my fault. I told you that i ried hard but could not find suitable girl. I was not ready to comporomise on sikhi so thats why i prefered gurskihi over beauty. But i am still human who feels attracted towrads beauty. I know its wrong but i am trying to fight

[Guest Naam1]

wow its that girl that could do way better than you mr singh!

she deserves way better....How can you base your marriage completely around physical attraction..physical attraction i tell you you lasts only for a bit,it will definitely lose as the years come by.

its your youth now, you are lucky to be blessed with khande pahul da amrit, dont make a mock of it by dissing your wife who probabaly possesses amazing qualities for manmat ideals that you are currently lusting after.... remember a marriage doesnt last if its just based on looks.

dont spoil her life but rather get yourself sorted out and start to do simran and treat her like a princess because thats what she is and its your duty to become a good husband and see her for who she really is....she is NOT the body and neither are you so grasp this and move on and work on your gursikhi jeevan right now otherwise you will fall deeper into kalyug my friend.

[scooter]

Looks like there are lot of high Avastha singhs here who have conquered over maya and also expecting same from you. They can see the empty portion of your glass.They are true as their avastha is higher. But i am not at that level so i will give my worldly opinion.

You have already done a great thing by becoming gurskih from mona. I have gone through same process so i know how hard it is go against family members.

You have already sacrificed so much. So as Hancock says "Good Job".

If you are thinking that if you were mona then you could have found some beautiful girl , then you are wrong. Its our past karma.What if you were mona and you got ugly wife. Then you could have more depressed than now. I have seen one very beautiful girl from AIIMS went to depression because she could not find partner according to his job and beauty. At least now you know that Gurskihi is everything , you have something to cheer

I can give you many examples where smart/rich/intelligent/model/body builders etc etc young boys have average looking wife. Even if you look at film stars like shah rukh khan , aamir khan. They all have average looking wife , although they could have married with most beautiful girl. so its all destiny

Somewhere very smart person have ugly wife , somewhere mother has lost her only son , somewhere a girl has lost her father , somewhere a 1 year old has lost his family in accident , somewhere a wife has lost her husband. There are plenty of cases like that happenning every minute in this world. If you think that you are unlucky then just think again.

If you are thinking that being smart/intelligent/rich and on top of that being gurskih is unlucky then you need to look around you. GOD has given you so much. realise that. Our problem is we don't know what we want. talk to me after 3 years of marriage and then tell us if she was good or bad. Guru sahib will never do unjustice to his gursikhs. It is hard to understand now , but just go on. There is quotation

"If you are going through hell then keep going"

This was the reason Guru Sahib told us take Amrit and get out of this birth/death cycle. Even if you could have got beautiful wife in this janam , then what is the garanate of having same in next janam.

If not , then same thing will happen in next janam. Or what if wife is beautiful but you are very poor.Then you will again complain to GOD.

So bottom line is Forget about beauty and everything else. Just try to do as much simran as possible and get MUKTI. The problems of world will never finish. You are not the only one. The world is sufferring. " nanak dukhya sab sansar"

[Guest ows]

"so i will give my worldly opinion. - Doesn't matter what level you're at, when u step onto the path of Sikhi, you follow it as much as you can- you don't shun it's principles and put forward your own Maya,(Demonic) manmat principles.

Stop disrepecting the Guru.

"You have already sacrificed so much."

Really? Sacrificing maya is 'so much'.

How bout feeling the pain of martyrdom, being bricked alive- was this guys sacrifice really alot?

[Guest tak]

"I can give you many examples where smart/rich/intelligent/model/body builders etc etc young boys have average looking wife."

"What if you were mona and you got ugly wife."

"Somewhere very smart person have ugly wife "

"Have seen one very beautiful girl from AIIMS went to depression because she could not find partner according to his job and beauty"

^^The above quotes show a manmat mentality.

I have come across many guys(I am female) who the world calls handsome including singhs and are interested in me, but when they come near and I feel their lust, ego and jealousy and see their souls, I would NEVER even consider as a partner.

Your words are a reflection of your thinking and your beauty, and your thinking is all messed up.

[simran345]

Looks like this is another topic from what the original post is.

I think the problem is with your past, prior to becoming a gursikh. Its true just coz one takes amrit does not mean they automatically change, habits may still be present.

I have different thinking on this now, after reading ur 2nd post.

You still should not have married the girl if u did not like her. That is not her fault, she should not have to suffer in all of this.

You should have sorted out ur issues with yourself before marrying her.

But now u cant go back to the past, and feel u are stuck with her.

See it as the will of god. Waheguru's hukam, and instead of focusing on beauty, help her. Be there for her, that will improve ur karm.

[VanHelsingh]

I think you love yourself a bit too much. A lot of ego and arrogance in your post. Hopefully as you mature you realise what's important in life. Sadly that only happens through first-hand experience and no matter how much you hear or see other people's pain and suffering, you simply won't learn until those issues land on your own doorstep and you'll have to face them like a man.

[Guest KopSingh]

this is why i have said to ppl on this forum before, the reason that i cant probably become a amritdhari, coz of my tendencies to have dirty dirty thoughts of lovly jubbly girls, and i got vilifed by a certain canadian bandhar on this forum, i hope he reads this particular discussion and sees how even gursikhs (as the Original Poster describes himself as) find it difficult to give up all bad tendencies.

well to the Original Poster, dont kno wat else to add that no one else hasn't so far, but its your own fault man, being religious and lustful only belongs in one religion, islam. normally there religion condones lustful actions no matter how religious or not religious. but come on man, try reading the 'explicit' dasam granth stories and see how the king of kings tells you how to control your lust.

[Guest .]

dirty dirty thoughts of lovly jubbly girls

You don't seem to be trying very hard, if I'm honest.