Singhnee's Please Help!

[Guest some.what.ashamed]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Needed some help on a sensitive issue that has been eating away at me for a while now and would be grateful for some help.

Four/five years ago I was sexual abused by a married amrit dhari guy. Me being so naive and young was overwelmed and questioned it. I was 13 at the time. Ever since, I have had to stay in contact with the Singh as I am good friends with his daughter and also he is a teacher (not at school). I somewhat became emotionally attached and saw that it was all a mess and wanted him to talk to me about the event in order for me to move on from it. However now he just sends threatening texts and when I try to talk about the event he is in complete denial. I should of left from the group that he teaches but I can't seem to leave due to the passion I have for the activity. I trusted him like an older brother however he abused that. Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces still after five long years.

Any advice would be great.

Fateh Ji

[Guest Raj kaur]

I'm really sorry to hear what has happened to you. I experienced a similar situation to you when I was about 9. It disgusts me that people who take naam can do such evil things. I still ask waheguru why this happened to me and have hated myself and punished myself for years- stemming from self harming, drugs, promiscuity just anything that made me feel worthless and cheap. That was nearly 25 years ago and I'm still living with what he done to me. I refused to let it ruin my life anymore and I will encourage you to do the same by seeking professional help and support. You don't need to be anywhere near this man. Cut him off and out of your life. Shop him in- if he has done it to you, I'm sure there are others victims out there. Waheguru will get you through- trust in him- pray and believe.

[Guest seenitallbefore]

<banned word filter activated>, "Singhs" these days are messed up as hell.

[Guest Kaal]

I am a Singh, but the reason I am commenting it because I have come across two singhnia who were abused when they were similar to your age too. The only difference is they are no longer in contact at all with that person, so they cannot do anything about it except forget/accept through naam and bani abhiyaas. However, you can as you are still in contact.

He is not an amritdhari/sikh - he is a rapist bujjar kuretee paapee and Do not text him. He is not a friend, he is a criminal. If he is a teacher he needs to be kicked out of the school, so its your duty to do that. You need to let the head teacher know too; make an appointment to see the head teacher. Also, you need to tell the police, so you need to go to the police station and make a report of the abuser and that he is making threats now too. The police will find you a counsellor for you to open up about it. Tell your parents but if they do not believe you and do not listen, MAKE SURE YOU STILL GO TO THE POLICE.

[Guest some.what.ashamed]

Thanks for the comments but just to clear some things up he didn't rape but did other sexual things and he is not a teacher within a school. I feel I can't report it as I am a sister to his daughter and feel she would never forgive me.

[Guest _singhni_]

Waheguru jee ka khalsa, Waheguru jee kee fateh

Bhenjee my advice would be to cut him out of your life. I am probably quite a few years older than you and I am talking from experience... that if you want to move on and have a life, don't have anything to do with him. I'm not sure what group you are referring to but I do think it's in your best interests to stop going. Even if it means you loose contact with his sister, people come and go, don't worry yourself about friends. I know that mind seem a bit harsh but that's what I would suggest. I would also say change your number and if you can't do that for whatever reason I am sure you can have numbers blocked so he can't contact you. I changed my number and it's the easiest way to get these people out of your life.

[tuhintuhin]

o waheguru ji........that is very sad .........

but now you have to move forward..........you have no choice..........He will have to pay for his deeds..........you should not feel passionate for this activity ....its nothing in real sense....it's worhthless to keep thinking and indulging in this activity....you can not afford that ......you have your whole life ahead.........kaam is a condition of mann.......mann nu jidhar lao lag janda..............apne mann nu katha vich lao.....listen to gurbani kathas.........coz as human nature, our mann likes listening to stories.......read some sakhiaan........or read some mahapurkh's jeewan............

cut off your ties with that guy entirely........you don't have to be a good freind to his daughter...not because she's his daughter...but coz her company would keep you reminding of what happend......and you need to forget that and move ahead...this relation will lead you nowhere......

have your full medical check up done.........you should let your mother about this for sure.....this is the first thing you should do.....coz. soon they'll be looking for a match for you.......it's their right to know this..........they'll help you...trust me......know it's hard.......but you have to do this.......if you don't have courage to speak to her...write her a letter...........

see if your parents want to go to police because some families don't want anyone to know about things like this....as people will make fun and mock at them and it'll be hard for them to get her married......or if police can keep your identity undisclosed.......

......you have to make yourself strong......emotional breakdown will lead you nowhere.....you won't be able to move forward when you know you have to..........

@ other members....just asking....would it be wise for her to talk to his wife ???????? or not coz he's threatening her........there are two things to be done.......first victim to recover and second that guy shouldn't bother her again.......

[Guest MKaur]

Really sorry to hear that this has happened to you. You should not feel ashamed because it is 100% his fault. He saw a young, vulnerable girl and he took advantage. What he did was very wrong and if I knew who he was, I'd put him in a wheelchair.

Please speak to a counsellor or professional who can help you take action/inform the police. I know that you may not want to because your friendship with his daughter will end and the whole situation will be difficult, but what if he is doing this to other young girls? He cannot be allowed to get away with this.

You can move on from this by knowing that he is being punished by the law, so please tell a family member/professional and the police. Also, try to stay strong in character, do as much Bani as you possibly can, and when you feel alone or overwhelmed, remember that Waheguru is with you.

[Guest Kaal]

Thanks for the comments but just to clear some things up he didn't rape but did other sexual things and he is not a teacher within a school. I feel I can't report it as I am a sister to his daughter and feel she would never forgive me.

MKAUR is right.

Her friendship will be tested. If your friend is a real friend/sister she would not mind because she would care about you and not her selfish needs/honor/ego. These abusers should not get away with what they have done.

You have to stop worrying about losing friends. This is about you who has been abused and you have to do something about this person as he shouldnt feel like he got away with something evil and horrible as this. Sexually abused females need to be brave by making others aware of the suffering that they go through, so that it stops and these sexual abusers become fearful of doing anything wrong like this to anyone.

[Guest Lost soul]

Sis I feel your pain. Been through very similar stuff to you at very similar age still haunts me today.

Your situation brings back painful memories of my own.

Learn from this though and take small steps it's not easy but every step counts and from experience I'd say don't tell everyone only your very closest because only very few will help/support you.

It's horrible that our own brothers (singhs) can do this but it happens. Its good you've released he was in wrong; I still walk in denial sometimes because it just hurts.

Keep faith sister

Sorry if i have spoken wrongly

From Dhass