Jump to content

Bhenjia Do You Agree With The Arranged Wedding?


Guest Siaye
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Siaye

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ki Fateh,

this question goes out to my Sisters and (Brothers) out there, what do you think of arranged wedding? Do you agree , that your parents find a partner for you? Can you develope love, or should there be a connection - before marriage? I want to know your inner feelings - the truth. Share your thoughts and opinions.

Regards

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally I never used to agree with arrange marriage but as I have matured and seen arrange marriages work successfully I'd say when time comes I'd consider a arrange marriage. My personal view is that Mahraji knows from the day your born of/if your going to marry. Therefore that person will marry you regardless if its arrange or "love". I believe that when it comes to marriage weather its love or arrange we should ask Guru Granth Sahib Je Mahraji if we should go ahead with the reshtha before we take next step and eventually marry the person. I don't believe you can love your "partner" before marriage but believe once married the love between husband and wife developes as after anand karaj 2 souls become 1. As for meeting before marriage I think it should be very limited before marriage and a third person should be present/your parents (on both sides) should know where you two are meeting and what you are doing eg. Going for meal etc. These are just my views as a 21 year old amrithari. Akaal

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest _gupt_

personally i think its best to have an arranged marriage. Parents are far more experienced with life and can find a partner whom is compatible in terms of personal attributes but also family. If both parties want to, then you can spend time getting to know each other prior to the marriage too. I think the reason why even amritdharis are divorcing nowadays is because of an increase in love marriages, where feelings/kaam can blind your logic/thinking and make you choose someone whom isnt the right person to marry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

very nice views above......love marrigae or arrange doesn't matter, what matters is the partner to be........every individual is different...our father, mother, brother, sister and we.....although living in one family, have different views on different aspects...what we do is ...adjustments with each other......but living with your partner after wedding is not the same relationships as living with your parents and siblings........it's a totally different life........it's very hard to do adjustments whole life........when married life go with adjustments....one person will be living with a pressure on their heart just to keep peace in between them....................there shold be understanding between both......so both can talk and respect each other....

I want to share this real life incident of very close freind of mine......she's amritdhari / spiritual....parents gave add in the newspaper for a year..didn't find any suitable....then they found one on student visa.....not an amritdhari but a boy from a very innocent, polite, amritdhari, and sant sevi family....both liked each other as they shared their views on gursikhi and boy said he'll be an amritdhari in near future....he doesn't want to do that because of anybody's presure....girl respected his views and did ardas to Guru sahib if this is the right person, please let the rishta go ahead.....engagement took place....parents make (point to be noted they didn't do it themselves) them exchange their phone #s, so they can understand each other better.......they were happy to know each other and felt comfortable and saw a life time relation of gursikhi and an understanding in future........then jiwein guru nu bhawe...after a month girls parents/siblings for some stupid childish reason....said they want to break the rishta....but the girl knew that her family is being selfish & rude and doing wrong to boys side.......so she stood for her rights......her family presurized and forced her with every possible way so she can say "no" as well...........boys side were obviously shocked and sad.......girls used to cry and do ardas benti before guru sahib that if she is right, give her strength to fight and fix things up.......she talked to a mahapursh about this and he said "apni larhai aap hi larhni hundi hai, koi kise da sath nahin dinda, apna mann na dulawo, Guru sahib tuhade ang sang ne "...these words gave her so much strengh that her family has to back out.......after trying for 6 months girls family asked her if something happens tomorrow they won't be responsible......girl said fine......she knew Guru sahib fixed this rishta and "HE" will be there for her always.........it was what she asked for from Guru sahib...a sant sevi family......and today she is very happily married for 2 yrs...I haven't seen any married girl so happy in my life so far.....

the point I wanted to make is that parents can not always be right...."vade hamesha theek nahin hunde, coz they care about smaaj more than their childrens happiness"....I am not saying we should not obey or respect parents....but we should stand for the truth .......as an individual and every individual's relation with Guru sahib is different, even parents are out of this relation..........(coz it's the union of two souls)

love or arrange, it should be an understanding, honest and true relation, so both can make their way to sachkhand by following gursikhi jeewan....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest little_knowledge

I agree with many of these posters. An arrange marriage seems better. I do agree that the two individuals concerned should consent and have the opportunity to talk and ask questions. 49-50% of love marriages end divorce whereas this is not common in arrange marriage. This is may be due to social stigma as Asian families favour arranged marriages. Love marriages are usually based upon first physical attraction which can be over in a short period. Also, I do agree with the fact parents or elders do have more experience and will pick someone who will help your Gursikhi Jeevan and not drive you away from it... :smile2:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ki Fateh,

this question goes out to my Sisters and (Brothers) out there, what do you think of arranged wedding? Do you agree , that your parents find a partner for you? Can you develope love, or should there be a connection - before marriage? I want to know your inner feelings - the truth. Share your thoughts and opinions.

Regards

hi btw imm tha panji that created i dont lyke arranged marriages they put me off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

I was wondering since 2001 has anyone met his/her match through Sikhsangat.com

Any success stories or genuine people at SS ?

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • We have lamp (or Jyot) the pure unscented candle for a reason. Traditionally, Patis used candle light (jyot), so they could read SGGS in darkness. Light, elec didn't exist. Dhoop is used to attract the "Good spirits" but also keep freshness where Maharaj will be.  Interestingly and coincidentally I heard Sakhi a few dsys ago. During Dasa Pitha's time these souls were roaming the Earth and even Sangat noticed. Maharaj asked them "y u here?" They replied during recitation of SGGS and making Degh they didn't bother lighting candle. THAT WAS THEE ONLY REASON NO GATI WAS GIVEN TO THEM!!!  AUTHENTICITY NOT CHECKED I heard once on YT like 2 days ago.  If u apply dhoop in one room of your house twice a week u will notice a difference esp in the smell and freshness of that room. 
    • Sangat ji, With the hot weather as per Guru's Hukm, how can we look after our kes?  First of all the beard! Working in Construction, factory and any other heated environment I UNDERSTAND! At my workplace it's over 32 degree celcius and sometimes we have to lift 20kg ALL! DAY! My tips, regularly shampoo the beard during ishnan. APPLY OIL! The technique of applying oil is by rubbing it thoroughly in the roots. Pay attention to the noise esp on the chin. You will hear this "crosh crosh" noise. Keep rubbing oil until u can't hear it no more! This means the oil has blended in properly.  Second tip on beard, keep an extra kanga in your pocket. Every two, three hours give your beard a proper comb down to get rid of any sweat or stickiness. SECOND BENEFIT! Do this all 12 months every single day your beard will look like it's been professionally groomed. TRY IT! People will ask you "What gel u use? How can yer beard be naturally like that?" You can say all I use is coconut oil or whaeva oil but just comb the beard every 2-3 hours for a minute.  As for the kes, morning time get rid of all the gronjra (or knots - forgotten English word), in the morning. However, during evening comb down make sure you get rid of small remaining gronjra and comb yer hair nice and straight. You will feel soooo so relaxed. Yes our hair will go unnoticed due to Dastar, but our hair demands time and self grooming!So proper combing down, spending a good 15-20 mins most evenings is an absolute MUST!  Most evenings I let my hair down and cover hair with my parna for 2-3 hours so it gets to relax from the tying up.  FINAL TIP! We are Sikhs so we keep fighting and remember this! The tradition of Dastar and uncut hair started in India, where the weather is twice as hot. Everytime we bring this thought in the mind, Guru ji will bless us and make us feel cooled down by a notch.  Fateh.       
    • Been so much nindya and attacking Shastarvidiya since the 2000s, however if we look at gatka now it's still mostly as poor and poorly taught as it was back then, still morris dancing moves and still behzti moves in BBC shows about sikhi and vaisakhi. If people were going to attack shastarvidiya, wouldn't have made sense to improve gatka instead and make it more effective? Additionally, the Nihang Singh presence has improved greatly now, and the cracks within the the SGPC and affiliated jatha jathebandis are showing more greatly as panth becomes more knowledgable with dasam bani and itihas day-by-day, so much gyaan which was lost within panjabi sikhs during colonial times. In the 2000s, the groups were able to talk down this bani and  gyaan by associating it with  RSS and hindus, brahminwaad etc. Not working so well now is it? However with gyaan it would be also good for us to try and preserve our martial arts and keertan vidiya as well! More and more crazy keertan videos are coming out from jatha members that are being made fun of and making sangat annoyed and upset, on tiktok and instagram reels.  
    • Author Posted April 24   On 4/21/2025 at 2:43 PM, ipledgeblue said: sirr should not be nanga because keski is usually worn.   Sikhs can sleep nanga-sirr if they choose to . Being from Punjab, almost every Sardaarji i know (amritdhari or not) sleeps/showers with their hair uncovered. I don't think Guru Sahib asked us to wear Dastar to sleep and I don't think it is in SRM.   The idea of "keski being worn to sleep" is cos in Bollywood films (Bachna Ae Haseeno) Sikh characters usually tie a gol parna when sleeping since the actor's usually Hindu. So they gotta cover his head somehow or he'd have cut hair. Same reason Diljit wore a pagg to bed in the El Sueno vid. Only time they didn't do that was in Gadar with Sunny Deol which just looked odd tbh   What in the world? What sikh or even a decent human would base their knowledge of their culture or religion on a movie industry, that too Bollywood?  Believe me, no sikh ever said, I must cover my head becasue an actor did so in a movie. I've been doing it all wrong, I must start covering mh head because the sikh in that movie did.  Just because every panjabi and sardaar you know, does something, also doesn't make it right..  Follow the guru. And if you have a medical condition, then exemptions can be made.  Just admit it, because of my medical condition, I am not able to follow this rehit. Why are you getting everyone else to drop to your level?
    • Wasn't Guru Arjan Dev's martyrdom on amd always commemorated on 6th June? How come it was 30th May?  Just like 6th June 84, where the likes of Terrorists like Indira Gandhi chose to attack Darbar Sahib where many many innocent Sikhs would suffer, as they went to commemorate Martyrdom of Maharaj. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use