to marry a sikh

[curioustoknow]

Okay I'm a Muslim and never really knew much about sikhism until I met my best friend. I was really down facing serious life issues, when I met sukha Singh. He did not have a turban, and he was clean shaven. I wasn't being a very good Muslim either, I didn't wear the hijab and never prayed. But he gave me a job and I agreed to not work for money but he would pay my rent and help me when I needed help. We began an intimate relationship for a couple of weeks and I started to realize that things needed to change. I began to pray every day, and even wear the hijab more often. But I couldn't go anyfarther while still being intimate with him. So I refused any more advances and told him that it was not going to happen anymore. We both took a few days to come to grips with this decision.

But after a few days it became easy to just be friends. As he saw me advance and change with prayer and volunteering at the masjid, he became inspired to grow his beard. And soon he started to read and pray every night. He began wearing his turban and everything seemed to be getting beret and better.

we are still friends, best friends even. But be still tries to be intimate with me. I told him that the only way I would be intimate with him is ifwe got married...but he refuses to marry me. Even though he says he loves me and one day he wants to be married, but apparently just not to me...

We compliment each other so well, and help each other so much! He loves my kids and plays with them and supports them and protects us...but he refuses to marry me and I just can't figure out why

[Sherdil]

Maybe cuz you guys are different religions...

Idk for sure what's going on in his head.

People on here are only going to speculate.

Maybe you should ask him this question.

[SheikhFareed]

Thank you for posting this important topic.

I think that he is not wanting to marry because he may not want people to know that he married a muslim, as this is difficult and delicate issue to deal with.

I think you are right, there should be no intmacy before marriage, you also state you have children, that sikh is not doing right if he tries this with you and knows you do not want it unless married.

he should know not to do this with you as you said he has started to practice sikhism more. think about your children. you really need more time to think about this properly and talk to him. he does not seem to know what he is doing too

Maybe cuz you guys are different religions...

Idk for sure what's going on in his head.

People on here are only going to speculate.

Maybe you should ask him this question.

agree with this point. this is a delicate issue between you two, i dont think it concerns any of us.

[Mehtab Singh]

Your situation isn't as simple as it looks. Let me be honest, the kind of relationship you guys have is not at all approved of in either Sikhi or Islam, so you both are walking on a really sharp blade. He is an unmarried Sikh having an intimate relationship with you, a Muslim Bibi who has kids. If he is so serious about Sikhi, he would know that what he is committing is among the 4 cardinal sins that are taboo for Sikhs. Any sort of physical relationship with the opposite gender out of the wedlock is an act of transgression according to the Sikh code of conduct. So please, do not consider him the best example of a Sikh.

You never said if you were married/widowed/divorced. I am just guessing so forgive me, but possibly he got closer to you when you lost your husband and were emotionally devastated and in need of a shoulder? The positive influence you both have had on each other is that you both have become comparatively a lot more attached to your respective faiths. However, the root cause is not a comfortable one, because it seems like it was just out of physical relationship. Anyways, him not agreeing to marry you implies one of two things. Either he doesn't want to embrace Islam (obviously), or he (like any other random guy in today's day and age, so please don't blame the entire Sikh nation here) is with you only to satisfy his physical needs, if you know what I mean. I'd say you need to confront him and confront him firmly, asking him what is the real reason behind his refusal. Maybe he doesn't want to live being a step-dad to your kids? Who knows? Only he can tell you, I doubt anyone on here would know what goes on in his mind.

Forget the Sikh/Muslim factor for a second. Do you think you would be comfortable living with a guy who can dare to be intimate with a woman who has kids but is not ready to marry her? What kind of love is this? What is this friendship? You say you compliment each other, help each other, and that he protects you guys, I am sorry but I sort of don't buy that. Why is he with you at all to begin with? What does he want from you besides intimacy? These are questions you need to take up with him and he needs to address them.

[N30S1NGH]

Salam Bibi Ji,

is there any reason you actually reveal the name of your sikh boyfreind on the forum while hiding yours ? I am curious to know.

[curioustoknow]

we aren't intimate anymore and haven't been for months, but I would never ask him to convert to Islam. from the research I have done about sikh ism I totally respect and believe a lot of it. I wouldn't even want him to convert to Islam because I am a firm believer that we all have a purpose to fulfill and God determines where we are/will be in life, so who am I to say anyone is wrong, them I would be questioning the reasoning of God himself.

But why would he be embarrassed to marry a Muslim girl? He has no problem introducing me to his family...

Oh and yes I was married, but we didn't even met until after almost a year after my divorce

[curioustoknow]

I'm sorry, that's not his name, and he isn't my boyfriend...and I'm not hiding my name, no one asked...I'm Lori :-)

[N30S1NGH]

Nice to meet you lori.

[curioustoknow]

You as well, and I really don't mean any harm to anyone, this is a sincere request for answers and I want to be able to understand his thinking more. I mean if there is something religious that us holding him back, I would be sad about it, even a little upset that he would start a relationship with me in the first place, but I would understand. but as far as I can tell in my research I have found that sikhs are very tolerant of other religions.

[singher23]

Anand Karaj cannot take place between Sikh and non-Sikh. Perhaps he knows this and this is the reason.

But you need to talk to him about this, nothing we say will matter much, it is what he says that is important