Sensitive about topknots

[Guest Sue]

There is a large and well integrated Sikh community in the town where we live. A friend has taught in primary schools in the area for many years and has often had classes where the majority of pupils are Sikh. She was recently taking a question and answers session in an assembly and identified a boy from the many raised hands as the “boy with the top knot”. The following day the child’s parents raised a formal complaint with the school and accused the teacher of racism. Now she had purely used this device as an easy form of identification remembering that she was faced with a sea of 200 pupils in school uniform; she could have just have easily said: the girl with the blue headband or the boy with blond hair. She has nothing but love and kindness for all children and believes teaching to be her vocation. This episode has left her shaken. My own experience has given me the opinion that Sikhs are relaxed, generous and possess a good sense of humour, so why have the parents reacted in this way? I’m not particularly religious myself and as such I find this reaction as bizarre as the intolerances that we hear about from fundamentalists in other religions.

[Mehtab Singh]

There is nothing bizarre, intolerant or fundamentalist about reporting such an incident. The teacher should have been sensitive enough to NOT put the kid under such a humiliating spotlight in front of 200 fellow peers. No one knows what kind of ridicule the kid might have had to face from his classmates after this comment was made, which is why he told his parents. Yes, Sikhs are relaxed, generous and full of humor. But we do draw a firm line between humor and mockery, between jokes and insult. The least she can do is apologize, which would be reflective of the love and kindness you state she has for the kids.

[Guest Guest]

Maybe the kid was a bit insecure about appearing different to all the other children and felt singled out? It sounds like a misunderstanding and the teachers intentions were good so surely a discussion with the parents would resolve the issue.

[HKaur16]

There are many Sikh kids that get ridiculed and made fun of at school all the time by fellow student. This teacher should have been more sensitive. Distinguishing someone with the "topknot" comment is offensive. Would she call a muslim student "the girl with the hijab" amongst 200 other students?

[Guest Sue]

Thank you for the answers and comments to date. I believe the teacher in question did apologise and continues her pastoral care for all students regardless of their colour or creed. The wearing of a topknot is so commonplace in this area that it is accepted as normal in schools and as such I believe that any teasing would be rare. Maybe this particular child did feel insecure and we can all feel for somebody in that position. However, perhaps as a society we’re all becoming a bit soft and need to ‘man up’; a bit of leg pulling doesn’t hurt and toughens children up so they can go forward with the courage of their parent’s convictions. You ought to try having ginger hair!

I’m not sure why there was a comment comparing a situation where you would not identify a child by their hijab, is the contributor alluding to some terrible retribution? Unless they were the only hijab wearer in the school and you knew their name, how else would you identify such a child as you would only see their eyes? Should you just ignore them until positive identification can be achieved just so you didn’t offend anyone!

[HardeepCov]

The whole thing is about someone calling a "topknot" a "topknot" really. One person in same situation as the "boy with the topknot" might get offended and another might not because at the end of the day its a topknot and hes a boy with the topknot.

IMO the parents' reaction is a little over the top. I get what you peeps are saying, bout identifying the kid with the topknot as “boy with the top knot” which put the spotlight on the boy and maybe made him feel uncomfortable but accusing someone of racism. The boy with the topknot does actually have a topknot lol, the teacher might not be racist but the boy with the topknot got his parents to accuse her of that. What if she's offended by that? who can she complain to?

Also I think the kids been/being mollycoddled somewhat lol. What happens when he's out in the streets and some kids he dont know start shouting abuse or whatever, would he tell his parents? would he call the cops and say he's been offended?

[Mehtab Singh]

Also I think the kids been/being mollycoddled somewhat lol. What happens when he's out in the streets and some kids he dont know start shouting abuse or whatever, would he tell his parents? would he call the cops and say he's been offended?

In a school or at a workplace, everyone is bound by certain rules and codes of conduct. In a street no one is. At school there is a discipline that every teacher and student is expected to adhere to, and every action has a consequence based on whatever protocols they follow. The same doesn't hold good for a random street. I am not sure how and why you compared the two.

[Mehtab Singh]

perhaps as a society we’re all becoming a bit soft and need to ‘man up’; a bit of leg pulling doesn’t hurt and toughens children up so they can go forward with the courage of their parent’s convictions.

Sorry but that is no way to "man" someone up at that tender age. If at all, it will only make the kid more aggressive and hostile towards others as he/she grows up. Making comments about someone's appearance, that too a kid, will only affect his/her self-confidence. Sikhs have several ways to instill self-esteem in their kids. Humiliation of their appearance, I apologize, isn't one of those. But I do understand what you're saying, I do get your perspective. Only thing is I don't really seem to agree with insulting someone's faith-based appearance and sugarcoating it as mere leg-pulling. Sikh students in schools/colleges/universities in India face this day in and day out. Perhaps it does "man" them up, but it can very well lead to a violent altercation which is the result of all those years of bottled up rage. Anyways, now that the teacher has apologized, maybe all is well, and someone should speak to the kid too and ask them to not misunderstand such things (depending on who/when/where it is coming from).

You ought to try having ginger hair!

No thanks

Should you just ignore them until positive identification can be achieved just so you didn’t offend anyone!

Very simple, if they stand out so much in a crowd, the teacher ought to have known their names by now. Not too hard.

[HKaur16]

I’m not sure why there was a comment comparing a situation where you would not identify a child by their hijab, is the contributor alluding to some terrible retribution? Unless they were the only hijab wearer in the school and you knew their name, how else would you identify such a child as you would only see their eyes? Should you just ignore them until positive identification can be achieved just so you didn’t offend anyone!

Well usually the "topknot" is covered with a cloth I assumed the child was wearing a cloth over the knot. So thats why I referred to a hijab. By the way, a hijab reveals the entire face whereas a niqab covers the face for Muslim ladies. What I was trying to say was that one wouldn't refer to a Muslim girl as "the girl with the hijab" same way one shouldn't refer to the Sikh boy as the "boy with the top knot"

But yes if the teacher has apologized its all good I suppose

[buddasingh]

Sue would you support the teacher if she identified a child by saying “the black boy”? Or the boy with “slanted eyes”? The girl with the developing chest? Is that not factual? Would it be OK to say these things if there were majority of pupils who were black or oriental with the communities well represented in the towns? Why not? History of Racism! Sensitivity! Erring on the side of caution! Susceptibility to bullying!

Your friend has taught for many years. She should respectfully learn for a moment. An educator and especially one who is familiar with Sikhs should know to use greater sensitivity. The child obviously told his parents. The child was obviously sensitive to it. The teacher should have known to err on the side of caution with a child. For an educator she was 2 miles off the edge of ignorance.

Does your town have a bubble with no access to internet, tv, global or historical context? All of those things play a part in what words mean in the world and how they can be interpreted. Who has been the western symbol of human evil for the last 10 years? Osama? Guess again, it’s Osama’s turban. That is what the western media has been promoting for the last decade. The image with the turban, not the behavior or philosophy because that would get the masses thinking about hypocrisy. This sad chapter of western racism is so fresh and in vogue that it’s 20 years from joining the “blacks and orientals”. This is the backdrop against which your teacher friend chose some unique identifying words.

You then suggest a child should “man up” and a bit of leg pulling does not hurt.??? That would be an outright scary view for an educator. If you are the teacher please get some help. If you are not the teacher, find one.