Problems with in laws

[kharkusingh1996]

I am in exactly the same situation and although very sad it's ironic as it really is a phenomenon in ou r community. As no matter who the person is the scenario is always very simular. Territorial about the kitchen area along with others they won't u to do everything despite being a full time worker and a mother... but yet they complain saying y don't do a good job. U cook even though u haven't got enough time in the day only to be told they don't like eating that type of food. Or that there's too much haldi or loon in it. Cleaning u have to do but then your told the house is still dirty. They are never pleased..... then they get angry at us when we want to move out... I can't take it no more and want to scream mm mm mm that's feels better. Do simran keep your mind attached to gurbani and u will get through as long as u and your husband stick together and do the best for u and your kids... what ever decision u make will be the right one. Wjkk wjkf

jeez get out of there asap

[Guest Guest]

My grandmother was treated harshly by her mother in law - circa 1940.

My mother was treated harshly by my grandmother circa 1973.

My wife was being treated harshly by my mother circa 2000.

Its amazing that the cycle continues. When my son gets married and the 'territorial syndrome' hits my wife I will remind her. As this goes on and women become more and more independant - theyre not going to put up with this. Getting married and being abused will be a thing of the past. The happy couple will move out within a year of marriage and this will be the 'norm'. The best thing to do is to stand up for yourself and become a bit more asserive. If your mother in law complains, ask her how she would do it then in a respectful manner. At the same time speak to your husband about moving out for the sake of long term happiness.

[Guest simdim41]

I agree. I'm not even married and I've had issues like this come up from potential inlaws

They feel threatened that the wife will take the son away and become all possessive. But before that it's all vyaa karao

DEAR PATRIACHY PLEASE STOP ABUSING WOMEN. DEAR WOMEN STOP ABUSING OTHER WOMEN. NO ONE "OWES" ANYONE RESPECT. IT'S EARNED!

Best not to indulge in this behavior. Grow strong in your relationship with your husband and love your inlaws, and if they come around that's fine. If not then it has nothing to do with you

[PSL]

This is way to common, I have seen so many woman that have been hurt and some even have diveroced because of the exact same situation. My advise would be:

1. Talk to the husband and tell him how you feel, be frank and honest and he will need to step back and listen to you. Put him in your shoes.

2. Talk to your parents..(biological parents). Ask them what to do.

3. Stand up for yourself and tell the inlaws that they need to be a bit chilled out

4. Your loss and the stress of the inlaws will really take a toll on your body and mind, yes simran and naam will help but think about going away with your husband and telling him how you feel. Have a break, treat your self.....life is to short to have such endless negativity around you.

This is something that we should all be thinking about.To many women are going this torture, I agree that we should all be treating our elders with respect, but there is only so much that one can take. Your husband has been in that house all his life and needs to understand that this is all still new for you. He should be there 100% for you. Nothing else should matter...doing paath does not make you a good person. Acting upon what maharaj is saying does.

Finally, moving out is not always the answer. For example if you move out and you ALWAYS end up at the inlaws this becomes a new problem. Start your life properly and seriously make him think about how you feel.

I

[Guest MS]

All these parents change after a woman gets married in the punjabi Tradition. If a criminal law is broken Eg: Hitting, Assult, either verbal or physical then it should be reported to the local authorities. What Good is a husband who can not stand with his wife. Where does it say in Sikhi tha yout have to be tied to these kind of retards. Unless you prefer to become a cabbage. What good will you give your children. The husbands don't understand the part if their wife is abused by the parents what good she can do for his children. Mother gives birth but than you turn into an adult and become a mother. What good is a mother who can not treat her daughter in law as erase the in-law to just daughter.

[Ranjeet01]

[quote name="simdim41" post="627531" timestamp="1425593271"

DEAR PATRIACHY PLEASE STOP ABUSING WOMEN. DEAR WOMEN STOP ABUSING OTHER WOMEN. NO ONE "OWES" ANYONE RESPECT. IT'S EARNED!

Would this not really be an issue of matriarchy rather than patriarchy?

Punjabi families by and large are dominated by women, the only think patri about it is that it is patrilineal.