My Sister is out control!

[Guest Baldeep]

I need some advice from the sangat as l am in a situation.

Okay Well my sister is 18 years of age and she is out of control! (Gone off the rails)

She does not listen to anyone in the house nor my parents. Me and her are not talking at the moment. she goes out, lies to my mum as to where she is and who she is with.... (guy) always on her phone at home. My dad does not say nothing to her and he does not stop her. I have told my parents enough times to sort her out before its too late but they do not do nothing about it!!

She is very rude to people in the house has no life plans just causes trouble and my parents look over it. My parants have had enough of her and do not know what to do, she does not listen to no one.

Some advice would be very helpful

Thank You.

[Guest PL2013]

One way is try talking to her friends to see what's up with her. Also, ask your sister's friends to get your message through her.

Does she have cousins or aunts/uncles she respects? If so, then having a cousin or aunt/uncle have a work with her could be another way to get around and find out what is going on with her.

Good Luck.

[bluespace]

Paaji...with no force or agression....just sit her next to you tell her she can do wotever she wants...just tell her how you feel..and how much you really love her...and when she goes out how much you miss her.and she is part of you...be honest with her and ask her to be honest with you...work with each other....fateh

[Guest sevadar]

contact sikh helpline. They will sort it

[HSD2]

If there are genuine problems in the family you need to air them out and come up with solutions.

If she is one of those Generation Y types who wants freedom and money without the hard work then just tell your parents to kick her out and let her live her life how she wants.

[Guest Balkararara]

I think she's going through that stage of life where she thinks what she does Rules!! And nobody can stop her. However if she isn't stopped, I regret to say I think there will be no way back for her. No help will help her.

Just have a look at the community around us...if at that age your going out partying,lying to your parents and fighting then I'm afraid to say its just a downward spiral from there. I remember at that age I knew a lot of girls similar age range, but most were fine and now lead educated workin lives. I think times have rapidly changed over just the last 5 years or so. Both boys and girls don't have a clue how to live life.

I suppose u can take her with u to the gurdwara and get her involved in some seva and get her to make friends with the regular youth who take good time out to come to the gurdwara. Maybe that will help. U need to get a grip on her quick before too late. I don't want to sound mean but u don't want her to become yet another young sikh girl who gets into the wrong crowd and gets groomed by those type of people (the followers on this forum know who I'm on about) and gets lead down the wrong path etc etc.

[Guest Baldeep]

I don't know her friends at all or who she hangs around with also I do not feel to sit down with her as there is too much tension. Maybe another family member could talk to her...?

Maybe it is a age thing could be anything.

[Guest 123]

How old is your sister? If she's in her early teens then there's a lot you can do..if she's already over 18ish, then it's going to be far more difficult. How much older than her are you? If you're quite similar in age then the likelihood is that she won't listen to you because you don't have that authority.

Your parents need to be really firm, it's the best way. As a brother there is only so much you can do..you don't have as much authority as your parents. If I were in this position, I would just try to make her feel really guilty about what she's doing. Might sound horrible but I think guilt is a powerful emotion.

Also, what sort of people does she hang around with? If it's mostly the typical drinking, clubbing types then it's going to be difficult to change her ways because your sangat hugely shapes what sort of person you are. I would also talk to her about self respect. Explain to her that if she has had loads of boyfriends and has a bad reputation, men aren't going to respect her and will certainly not want to marry her.

I really hope you get things sorted, it's horrible living in a household where things are so difficult.

Overall, just do ardaas to Satguru and lead by example.

[Jonny101]

Since she does not respect you or fear you, the only ones that can make a difference is your parents. I feel for you. When one member of a family goes the wrong way it is best if all the family make a solid united front but it looks like your parents are not willing to firmly stand by you. So your situation seems hopeless. You not talking to your sister is also not doing any good for her because you are the only one who is making a stand and by not talking to you, you are leaving the way open for her to do anything she wants.

In your situation I think you should use diplomacy. First get into talking terms with her, because only by talking to her you can influance her. Get your parents on your side and get into an understanding with them to put your sister on the right path. Try to join a sangat near you or go the Gurdwara twice a week, take you sister with you always and get her involved in seva. Talk with her on Gurmat related topics. Most importantly, do ardas to Guru Jee to put your sister(and your entire fmaily) on the Path of Gurmat.

In the west where our girls are bombarded with western culture, materialism, feminism, it is very easy for them to go astray and turn into feminist she-mans who misuse and misunderstand the concept of equality in Sikhi. It is very important that from the start Girls(and boys) be indoctinated with Gurbani, Sikhi and have Gurmat Sanskaars.

[Pehlvan]

In the west where our girls are bombarded with western culture, materialism, feminism, it is very easy for them to go astray and turn into feminist she-mans who misuse and misunderstand the concept of equality in Sikhi. It is very important that from the start Girls(and boys) be indoctinated with Gurbani, Sikhi and have Gurmat Sanskaars.

Feel really sorry for you Baldeep. Sounds like your father needs to man-up and take hold of the situation. If we had our old culture intact these kind of things would never happen. This is the price we are paying for losing our values and adopting a gutter culture.

Jonny 101 has hit the nail on the head with his post, especially the above bit. This is why Western feminism is evil and is no part of Sikhi. It destroys families and communities.

Hope the appalling behaviour of your sister improves as she is clearly giving you a lot of stress. Rab Rakha.