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Guest wanderingsoul

Struggling with makeup/ jewellery

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Guest wanderingsoul

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

This will sound quite petty to most people but I'm sure some kaurs can relate. I'm nineteen years old, I took amrit when I was fourteen and I tie a dastar and have always been strict with my rehat. However, I've begun to struggle. While I still religiously get up to do my nitnem and am strict on what I consume, what music I listen to etc., I'm struggling with bana. I love my dastar, but I'm falling back into my old ways of wanting to wear quirky jewellery and accessories and nail polish. I'm an artist so I am heavily pulled towards self expression, and the people I spend time with encourage me to do this, and I can't stop spending time with them because I'm at uni with them. This sounds petty, but for those of you who have been strict with your rehit and bana, you'll understand how desperately I want to keep my rehat, but I also want to express myself outwardly, not just as a sikh, but as myself, unique. I would very much appreciate any ideas, words of wisdom or little faith boosting comments from any sisters. Sorry if this sounds petty, but I want to feel expressive, unique, happy and free without giving up my rehat.

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I am not amritdhari so can't comment on the makeup side. But i would like to say me being non amritdhari hate wearing makeup, not as i dont have the energy no more, just hate wearing it. All the fakeness to mix in with others i did let alone the skin problems over time.

I feel now less is beautiful, the more simple a girl looks is better and more expressive, rather than the bright colours like a clown and develop how heavy the jewellry is. Amritdhari girls look nice simple. Dont get me wrong but it dont look right being dolled up, beauty is within not on top. You seem to be going thru group pressure, but the decision is yours, what do you want?

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Guest wanderingsoul

I don't want to cake my face in horrible chemicals that are bad for my skin. I like my face. I don't want to hide it. I hate the sticky feeling. It's not even used to enhance your features, it's used to cover them up.

My issue is more with nail polish and jewellery. It's got to the stage wherw I'm looking at every girl and woman andnoticing her nails. I feel almost untidy and unkempt by not wearing nail polish. I feel insecure. I've never felt like that before. Ultimately I want to be happy, but I feel like it's a lose lose situation. If I do it, I lose a part of me, my rehat and what I've always loved. I lose part of my identity. But if I don't do it, I'm not expressing a part of my identity. I need someone to put my mind at rest somehow.

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Guest wanderingsoul

The more simple a girl looks is better and more expressive. Such a beautiful thought. That's what I need.

I was so embarrassed to admit such a seemingly tiny issue that I have. But it has damaged my self esteem and made me lose myself. One tiny doubt leads on to many many others.

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Guest Three

Gurfateh bhenji,

I completely understand. I felt and sometimes still do feel the same.

Do you wear bana full time or just a dastaar? I wear a dastaar but I don't wear makeup, jewellery or nail varnish as per the hukam of my panj pyaareh. I would say find a way to express yourself in another way, rather than turning to makeup or jewellery.

I'm a very girly girl so I tend to wear more dresses etc although in a 100% modest way. Also, with regards to makeup and stuff we all know it's a complete no go if you're amritdhari. But I'm massively into skincare and kind of appease myself in that way by taking really good care of my skin.

I'm also really into bags which sounds like such a typical bimbo girly thing but I can't help it..so I collect bags. :blush2:

I think you just have to find a way to be creative without going against what your panj have told you..that's what I've tried to do and I feel happy but at the same time I haven't compromised my rehat.

Sometimes I do feel like I'm still being a hypocrite because I'm still concentrating massively on my appearance but I can't help it. And I haven't done anything against what I was told in my amrit sanchaar so I just tell myself it's ok. Whether or not I'm doing wrong is up to Waheguru ji to decide in the end, I suppose.

Hope this was somewhat helpful!

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Guest wanderingsoul

I actually do wear bana a lot penji, not full time, but a lot. And obviously, I find the idea of wearing nail polish with bana disgraceful. It's not gurmat, we all know that, and it looks so wrong. I have this issue when I don't wear bana. I'm so comfortable in bana, I wish I could wear it full time with just a variety of cardigans or jackets or shawls lol. I'd even be okay with just one plain simple pair of shoes.

I like my scarves and bags too. Not so much into shoes though. Surprisingly, I don't care much about dresses either. I don't care about fashion or what other people wear, I only care about methods of expression. I customise everything I own to make it more 'me'. I don't dress fashionably, I dress 'me'. I wear a lot of blue, and actually I often dress in quite a masculine manner because it just feels comfortable. I feminise it with a scarf. I don't wear tight clothes or fancy clothes. Even my wedding suits are very simple.

Reading your post has helped me a bit. My problem makes less sense to me now. Why is it just nail polish? Even jewellery I can get over, it's just nail polish that has me caught. I just really want to make little pieces of artwork out of my nails. Now when I see my nails bare I feel like I'm not grooming myself properly. I know that's down to social pressure, but it's really got me in a hole.

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You said that you're an artist, so, isn't art one of the BEST ways to express yourself?

I guess nail polish and jewelry are types of art in their own ways as well.

Art involves a lot of colours and playfulness. Holi / Holla Mohalla is coming up, so how about this from Bhai Nand Lal Jee :smile2:


ਗੁਲੇ ਹੋਲੀ ਬਬਾਗ਼ੇ ਦਹਰ ਬੂ ਕਰਦ ॥ ਲਬੇ ਚੂੰ ਗ਼ੁੰਚਹ ਰਾ ਫਰਖੰਦਹ ਖ਼ੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
The (festival of) Holy blossoms and spreads its fragrance, And it blooms the sprout of her beautiful lips.(1)

ਗੁਲਾਬੋ ਅੰਬਰੋ ਮੁਸ਼ਕੋ ਅਬੀਰੋ ॥ ਚੁ ਬਾਰਾਂ ਬਾਰਸ਼ੇ ਅਜ਼ ਸੂ ਬਸੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
The rose, the amber, the jasmine and the reddish abeer, All are showered like the rain on all the sides.(2)

ਜ਼ਹੇ ਪਿਚਕਾਰੀਏ ਪੁਰ ਜ਼ਾਫ਼ਰਾਨੀ ॥ ਕਿ ਹਰ ਬੇਰੰਗ ਰਾ ਖ਼ੁਸ਼ ਰੰਗੋ ਬੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
How to talk of the sprinkling of saffron? It is endowing hue and fragrance to every dull being.(3)

ਗੁਲਾਲ ਅਫ਼ਸ਼ਾਨੀ ਅਜ਼ ਦਮਤੇ ਮੁਬਾਰਕ ॥ ਜ਼ਮੀਨੋ ਆਸਮਾਂ ਰਾ ਸੁਰਖਰੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
The scattering of the pigment by her auspicious hands, Is dyeing both the heaven and the earth.(4)

ਦੁ ਆਲਮ ਗਸ਼ਤ ਰੰਗੀ ਅਜ਼ ਤੁਫ਼ਲਸ਼ ॥ ਚੁ ਸ਼ਾਹਮ ਜਾਮਹ ਰੰਗੀ ਦਰ ਗੁਲੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
Through her benevolence, both the domains have become colourful, And she has adorned me like kings with the gorgeous attire.(5)

ਕਸੇ ਕੋ ਦੀਦ ਦੀਦਾਰੇ ਮੁਕੱਦਸ ॥ ਮੁਰਾਏ ਉਮਰ ਰਾ ਹਾਸਿਲ ਨਿਕੋ ਕਰਦ ॥
Whosoever has her propitious glimpse, Attains the bliss of both the worlds.(6)

ਸ਼ਬਦ ਕੁਰਬਾਨਿ ਖ਼ਾਕੇ ਰਾਹੇ ਸੰਗਤ ॥ ਦਿਲੇ ਗੋਯਾ ਹਮੀਂ ਬਸ ਆਰਜ਼ੂ ਕਰਦ ॥
I should sacrifice myself for the dust of the avenues of the congregation, That is the utmost desire of Goya.(7)(33)

Bhai Nand Lal Goya, Ghazal, 33
ਭਾਈ ਨੰਦ ਲਾਲ ਗੋਯਾ, ਗਜਲਾਂ 33


Translation taken from Pritpal Singh Bhindra's 'Kaleem-e-Goya', a full translation of Bhai Nand Lal Goya's Ghazals into English

Also conteplate upon this Shabad. When you realize and experience the Rang of Naam and Gur-Shabad, then you won't look at any other accessories or colours, etc.

<> siqgur pRswid ]

bsMqu mhlw 5 Gru 1 duquky
guru syvau kir nmskwr ]
Awju hmwrY mMglcwr ]
Awju hmwrY mhw Anµd ]
icMq lQI Byty goibMd ]1]
Awju hmwrY igRih bsMq ]
gun gwey pRB qum@ byAMq ]1] rhwau ]
Awju hmwrY bny Pwg ]
pRB sMgI imil Kyln lwg ]
holI kInI sMq syv ]
rMgu lwgw Aiq lwl dyv ]2]
mnu qnu mauilE Aiq AnUp ]
sUkY nwhI Cwv DUp ]
sglI rUqI hirAw hoie ]
sd bsMq gur imly dyv ]3]
ibrKu jimE hY pwrjwq ]
PUl lgy Pl rqn BWiq ]
iqRpiq AGwny hir guxh gwie ]
jn nwnk hir hir hir iDAwie ]4]1]

Basant, Fifth Mehla, First House, Du-Tukay:
One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:
I serve the Guru, and humbly bow to Him.
Today is a day of celebration for me.
Today I am in supreme bliss.
My anxiety is dispelled, and I have met the Lord of the Universe. ||1||
Today, it is springtime in my household.
I sing Your Glorious Praises, O Infinite Lord God. ||1||Pause||
Today, I am celebrating the festival of Phalgun.
Joining with God's companions, I have begun to play.
I celebrate the festival of Holi by serving the Saints.
I am imbued with the deep crimson color of the Lord's Divine Love. ||2||
My mind and body have blossomed forth, in utter, incomparable beauty.
They do not dry out in either sunshine or shade;
they flourish in all seasons.
It is always springtime, when I meet with the Divine Guru. ||3||
The wish-fulfilling Elysian Tree has sprouted and grown.
It bears flowers and fruits, jewels of all sorts.
I am satisfied and fulfilled, singing the Glorious Praises of the Lord.
Servant Nanak meditates on the Lord, Har, Har, Har. ||4||1||

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Guest wanderingsoul

I love bana because with bana I feel like I'm expressing myself through my words, my kirtan styles, my artwork, maybe my bags and cardis and jackets a little bit lol, byt not so much, expressing myself through my dastar... and I know I'm not being judged for what I'm wearing. With western clothes, I feel like I'm missing a vital part of my attire by not doing my nails or accessorising.

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Guest Three

I don't want to cake my face in horrible chemicals that are bad for my skin. I like my face. I don't want to hide it. I hate the sticky feeling. It's not even used to enhance your features, it's used to cover them up.

My issue is more with nail polish and jewellery. It's got to the stage wherw I'm looking at every girl and woman andnoticing her nails. I feel almost untidy and unkempt by not wearing nail polish. I feel insecure. I've never felt like that before. Ultimately I want to be happy, but I feel like it's a lose lose situation. If I do it, I lose a part of me, my rehat and what I've always loved. I lose part of my identity. But if I don't do it, I'm not expressing a part of my identity. I need someone to put my mind at rest somehow.

Okay, with regards to nails..I don't wear nail varnish but I do file my nails and make sure that they look tidy. That could be an option? You can have nice looking nails without wearing nail varnish bhenj.

I feel so bad by focusing on appearance when I know I should just be saying "don't worry, forget it all" but I know from personal experience that it isn't that easy. The feeling always comes back unfortunately.

Generally, I think jewellery looks really cheap and tacky..and very rarely adds anything to an outfit. Simplicity is honestly so much more beautiful. A simple and clean appearance is more of a classy look and also in line with Gurmat..

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:)

If u r dastar saji kudi....then u should know that u are equAl ri men n men do not apply nail polish n makeup....

But being a girl I can understand what u talking about.... It happens...I use to b very modern kind off...use to do all wax n stylo kind....

But I left it after I took amrit but lil bit of makeup like lipgloss n all is fine.....

N jewelry...well u can wear necklace if u want that will not get highlighted.....

Wearing big ear rings will be highlighted n with dastar it wont look good......

This kind of feeling is nothing to do with breaking of rehet....but this is excessive way looks bad...,.

I think u r young :) ....

U talk about being artist...even I m a good painter I painted Guru Gobind Singh g.....long back...n he was like having nice pagg with kalgi....

With smart clothes...with pearl types on neck...with nice jutti....awsm kirpan... Ekdum tip top

Be like smart sikhs yaar....even our dad will feel good if his khalse would be uptodate ekdum :)

But dont go excessive blunders which modern girls do....n look like witches...

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Guest Guest

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Kid, am not in favor of nail polish, make-up and jewellery.

You can use skin care products but not in excess.

Wear colourful turbans to look different.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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Listen to what your inner voice says.

Try to stay away from make up...very bad for your skin.

About jewellery... if the voice in your head says that you can show off your money by wearing expensive jewellery...or anything indicating 'kaam'... refrain yourself. Be honest to yourself. But if it's only meant to be for accessorising etc. go for it.

Don't make it so hard for yourselves that you might start hating rehat.

Remember, it's only a phase...and after a while you might simply get over it when you've had enough! :)

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Guest amritdaari girl

What I tend to do is keep my face and clothes simple, but like to wear designer. Wear nice expensive shoes/bags accessories, but not makeup.

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsaa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

My dear sister, I can understand what you must be going through. I know you are aware that those things are not right, but it is hard for you to stop.
If you want to stop everything, you have to become a strong singhni. You have to do lots and lots of naam simran, baani, alll the nitnem paath, ardaas to Maharaj ji. Once Guru ji does so much Kirpa, your surti will start to become more and more pure. Waheguru ji is the purest! His children start becoming like Him with more Naam Kamaai.
Think about how much Karam you are making! Our karams are already soooo soooo much from so many previous life times! This is your life to kill all those karams and not make more karams! When we look at others and think about maya, we do keep on making karam. In Anand Sahib Guru Sahib says your eyes were not even made to see these things! They were made to see Waheguru ji!

There is a saakhi, forgive me I dont properly remember. In the olden times there was a very "beautiful", proudy women. Everyone in te village used to look at her. But Kabir ji was the only pure one there. She would be very proud of her beauty and apply mascara on her eyes and go out. After a long time when she died, Kabir ji was passing and saw a skull in which the sockets where eyes are, were filled with ants. Kabir ji said that once this women used to put mascara in her eyes and on the same places now ants live here. It was something like that.
In our generation, we are bombarded by images from adds, media so so much. Guys have wallpapers of cars on their laptops, women can't resist to look at model's posters again while passing somewhere. Try to recognize maya. If we do not know what is maya we keep doing wrong. Maya is all the model's picture we see, the tv dramas we see about relationships, even the non-khalsa colors we see! All our 5 sences are DRIVEN by maya... we take a second breath when smell some scent.. the songs we hear are wrong too.
Once Mata Sulakhni ji came to Guru Nanak Dev ji and did not look too happy. She said all the women around her wear fancy clothes, but she only wears white suit. Guru Sahib ji said not to look at them, and stay in saadgi.

It is all in our itihaas that Guru ji dosnt like all those decorations. So many time in Gurbani Guru ji mentions jewellery. You are Guru jis daughter, you have to listen to Guru ji. Do you think Mata Sahib Kaur ji wore make up? You should look like your Mata ji!

Even thought we are born in such Kaliyug, Guru Sahib still keeps on doing soo soo much Kirpa! I know Gursikhs our age who do not many things because they have FELT that these indeed disturbs your soul alot... They don't watch TV ( Don't even have Tv in their house), don't go to malls (there is SO MUCH disturbance happens to your soul in that place filled with loud noices and SO MUCH MAYA), don't have manmukh frnds ( Kabir jir said what do I talk to worldly people, they don't know about God. And all I talk about is God).
Also, we aren't really showing people how Amritdharis are suppose to be. I am telling you how it effects me. Truly, I don't want to be rude with you, my sister, but it really is disturbing for me when I see girls with keski wearing dresses. Please please don't wear dresses if you can. When I look at them.. I just can't seem to see them as Guru Gobind Singh ji's Daughters. I have tried so many times to see them that high, but I just can't seem to do that. I see girls doing Keertan at Gurdwara, my heart kinda sinks. Once I was trying to prove my family that Gursikhs are not suppose to wear jewellery. I was trying to convince my mom to wear them off. After a month my mom came with a Gurdwara calender which had a pic on women with keski wearing a big necklace. I did'nt have anything to say. I work with people and our manager ties Dastaar but does her eyebrows. My co-workers are punjabi aunties, and they talk how Amritdharis are fake. Once me and my friends were doing veechar about khands, and one girl said I am so bad that wen I think about Sachkhand, I think it is filled with bags and purses! I am sorry, my intention is only to explain how people get effected by this, but I really respect you for who you are.

Do 1 hour Simran, do Ardaas to Guru ji, then throw away all your cosmetics into garbage. Just do that. You want Guru ji to stand beside you when you go to Dharamraj. You don't want to take birth again and be more separated from Waheguru ji.

Also, SANGAT MATTERS!!!! Have Gursikhs sangat and eliminate manmukh frnds who bring maya vibes to you!

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsaa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

My dear sister, I can understand what you must be going through. I know you are aware that those things are not right, but it is hard for you to stop.

If you want to stop everything, you have to become a strong singhni. You have to do lots and lots of naam simran, baani, alll the nitnem paath, ardaas to Maharaj ji. Once Guru ji does so much Kirpa, your surti will start to become more and more pure. Waheguru ji is the purest! His children start becoming like Him with more Naam Kamaai.

Think about how much Karam you are making! Our karams are already soooo soooo much from so many previous life times! This is your life to kill all those karams and not make more karams! When we look at others and think about maya, we do keep on making karam. In Anand Sahib Guru Sahib says your eyes were not even made to see these things! They were made to see Waheguru ji!

There is a saakhi, forgive me I dont properly remember. In the olden times there was a very "beautiful", proudy women. Everyone in te village used to look at her. But Kabir ji was the only pure one there. She would be very proud of her beauty and apply mascara on her eyes and go out. After a long time when she died, Kabir ji was passing and saw a skull in which the sockets where eyes are, were filled with ants. Kabir ji said that once this women used to put mascara in her eyes and on the same places now ants live here. It was something like that.

In our generation, we are bombarded by images from adds, media so so much. Guys have wallpapers of cars on their laptops, women can't resist to look at model's posters again while passing somewhere. Try to recognize maya. If we do not know what is maya we keep doing wrong. Maya is all the model's picture we see, the tv dramas we see about relationships, even the non-khalsa colors we see! All our 5 sences are DRIVEN by maya... we take a second breath when smell some scent.. the songs we hear are wrong too.

Once Mata Sulakhni ji came to Guru Nanak Dev ji and did not look too happy. She said all the women around her wear fancy clothes, but she only wears white suit. Guru Sahib ji said not to look at them, and stay in saadgi.

It is all in our itihaas that Guru ji dosnt like all those decorations. So many time in Gurbani Guru ji mentions jewellery. You are Guru jis daughter, you have to listen to Guru ji. Do you think Mata Sahib Kaur ji wore make up? You should look like your Mata ji!

Even thought we are born in such Kaliyug, Guru Sahib still keeps on doing soo soo much Kirpa! I know Gursikhs our age who do not many things because they have FELT that these indeed disturbs your soul alot... They don't watch TV ( Don't even have Tv in their house), don't go to malls (there is SO MUCH disturbance happens to your soul in that place filled with loud noices and SO MUCH MAYA), don't have manmukh frnds ( Kabir jir said what do I talk to worldly people, they don't know about God. And all I talk about is God).

Also, we aren't really showing people how Amritdharis are suppose to be. I am telling you how it effects me. Truly, I don't want to be rude with you, my sister, but it really is disturbing for me when I see girls with keski wearing dresses. Please please don't wear dresses if you can. When I look at them.. I just can't seem to see them as Guru Gobind Singh ji's Daughters. I have tried so many times to see them that high, but I just can't seem to do that. I see girls doing Keertan at Gurdwara, my heart kinda sinks. Once I was trying to prove my family that Gursikhs are not suppose to wear jewellery. I was trying to convince my mom to wear them off. After a month my mom came with a Gurdwara calender which had a pic on women with keski wearing a big necklace. I did'nt have anything to say. I work with people and our manager ties Dastaar but does her eyebrows. My co-workers are punjabi aunties, and they talk how Amritdharis are fake. Once me and my friends were doing veechar about khands, and one girl said I am so bad that wen I think about Sachkhand, I think it is filled with bags and purses! I am sorry, my intention is only to explain how people get effected by this, but I really respect you for who you are.

Do 1 hour Simran, do Ardaas to Guru ji, then throw away all your cosmetics into garbage. Just do that. You want Guru ji to stand beside you when you go to Dharamraj. You don't want to take birth again and be more separated from Waheguru ji.

Also, SANGAT MATTERS!!!! Have Gursikhs sangat and eliminate manmukh frnds who bring maya vibes to you!

I agree with almost everything you've written but there's one point I'm not too sure about. Say for example if a Singhni does not wear Guru ji's bana full-time, then is there really any difference between her wearing jeans or a dress? Of course, at the gurdwara or when doing kirtan on stage it's best to wear bana or a Panjabi suit, but outside of the gurdwara if you don't wear bana 24/7 then why does it matter if you are wearing a dress or jeans etc?

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