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Cutting Kesh Against My Will

wahegurubhagatsingh
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wahegurubhagatsingh Rising Star

wahegurubhagatsingh

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You sound extremely intelligent for your age. Do the following over weeks or months if necessary. The goal is not to convince your parents of anything but to educate yourselves as a family. You will grow up continuously and quickly in the next few years. Ultimately you will be deciding your fate.

First ask and learn about everything your parents want for you. What values they want you to have. What hopes they have for you. What concerns they have for you. If you don't have this relationship with your parents, develop it. Use humour, deference, curiosity, whatever is already comfortable in your relationship with your parents.

At some point ask your parents precisely what aspect of this that they have an issue with. Do not argue, rather do your very best to get in a discussion. Pretend it is not about you and you are speaking of someone else's situation from a bird's eye view.

Expect that your parents will make it personal. If they do ask them something along the lines of... 'may we just talk and discuss and learn without trying to convince anyone of anything'... Under no circumstances participate in arguing, it takes 2. If that means you have to exit the discussion and bring it up a few days later then do that.

When they make it personal, listen to them as expressing concern for you. Listen to their concerns and address them. They may base their concerns on wrong information but it does not mean their concerns aren't real and valid as concerns. They may also learn from you.

You want to develop a mutual trust and open dialogue if possible with your parents. You can then show them why you're interested in Sikhi. Tell them and show them online what kind of things interest you.

When the time is right, explain to your parents that so many children are engrossed in negative things...gaming addictions, drugs, online bullying, etc. So many are engrossed in positive passions whether that be gaming, a sport, a sports team, a hobby, martial arts philosophy. Tell them this is part of your passion, part of your identity just like any other child and for you the values are part of learning about life and growing up.

For a Sikh our hair is our spirit. Again when the time is right explain to your parents that you feel like by forcing you to cut your hair, they are cutting your spirit.

You little bro are like the panj piare slowly walking forward. You were not comfortably or conveniently Sikh by family. Some of us never make a choice to be Sikh. We 'love' it, but as a comfortable pride. But your love is definitely headed in the direction of being worthy of great things. In that regard, it is OK that you are challenged in your march and OK to challenge yourself and face hard questions from your parents. The panj piare were challenged to give everything. But they recognized this as being given everything. Your challenges are as you say 'power in Gods hands'.

As mentioned above, rest assured that the time will come soon when you will decide your own fate. Your parents will defer to your choices. In the meantime be strong and get even stronger. Learn learn and learn.

Another person who recognized giving his head as the same as being given everything is Bhai Randhir Singh. Read the autobiography of Bhai Randhir Singh and his amazing strength and perspective to be free in the face of torture. In particular in the latter half of the book.

There is a link here: http://vidhia.com/Bhai%20Randheer%20Singh%20Ji/Autobiography-Bhai-Sahib-Randhir-Singh-Ji.pdf

Thank you so much! Perfect response! Dhan dhan gur khalsa panth ji.
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gsingh9 Veteran

gsingh9

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Your parents think its just a phase. So just remain open with them, do they know about Sikhi? If not just show them, start with the similarities of Sikhi and Christianity.

I had cut hair most of my life, and just one day it happened Guru Ji blessed me with Kesh. It just happened, and it will defo happen with you.

Its really inspiring to see a young person, not from Sikh family coming into Sikhi. Your really blessed and hopefully you parents will allow you to grow your kesh, if not when your older.

It will be worth the wait, that day when look in the mirror and you look like a Singh of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji, you feel so happy. Just do Ardaas and ask Guru Ji to bless you with the gift of Kesh when the times right.

Hope you remain in Chardi Kala

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wahegurubhagatsingh Rising Star

wahegurubhagatsingh

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Your parents think its just a phase.

Yeah they do. I was talking to them about this like a week ago and they said "You're only twelve and we know you IDENTIFY AS A SIKH but you can't have kesh". They think I'm still a Christian. But whatever. One day they'll realize, whether it be this life or not.

So just remain open with them, do they know about Sikhi? If not just show them, start with the similarities of Sikhi and Christianity.

I've shown them about Sikhi but I really feel like they were only half listening.

I had cut hair most of my life, and just one day it happened Guru Ji blessed me with Kesh. It just happened, and it will defo happen with you.

Yeah, I recently felt attached to my hair and one time I cried after a haircut. Yeah Waheguru will do kirpaa for me eventually and what a great day that will be.

Its really inspiring to see a young person, not from Sikh family coming into Sikhi. Your really blessed and hopefully you parents will allow you to grow your kesh, if not when your older.

It will be worth the wait, that day when look in the mirror and you look like a Singh of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji, you feel so happy. Just do Ardaas and ask Guru Ji to bless you with the gift of Kesh when the times right.

Hope you remain in Chardi Kala

The Khalsa Panth is awakening. Dhan Dhan Sri Vaheguru that you have blessed my foolish Sikh to begin to walk on the path, no matter how far many home is.

You re,ain in cherdhi kala too!

Wjkk wjkf!

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kamc Mentor

kamc

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I don't want to intrude too much but you mentioned your family are Christian, are they practising (go to church every Sunday etc.) and if so, what denomination (Protestant, Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox etc.), the reason i ask is that this can make a difference to how they perceive other religions and how they feel if one of their children want to go to another faith.

As far as your hair goes, it's not the end of the world if you don't keep your kesh just yet, Sikhism is a journey (as are most religions) and you can't force anyone to accept that journey, give it time, as you get older your parents will hopefully realise that this isn't just a phase your going through, if you have any support networks at your school it may be worth talking to them, I've no idea what part of the US your from but if you have any Sikh's in your area it may be worth talking to them, maybe go to a Gurdwara when you get a chance.

I'm a parent myself and can understand your parent's feelings, they maybe afraid or just don't want to know, they have a routine in their lives and any break from that is something they may not be able to cope with, the more religious they are the more difficult it may be for them to accept, but like i've already said, your on a journey, as long as you come out of it a better person no one can take that away from you.

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wahegurubhagatsingh Rising Star

wahegurubhagatsingh

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What he means is are you black, white, brown, Chinese etc

Oh sorry...I'm white.

I don't want to intrude too much but you mentioned your family are Christian, are they practising (go to church every Sunday etc.) and if so, what denomination (Protestant, Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox etc.), the reason i ask is that this can make a difference to how they perceive other religions and how they feel if one of their children want to go to another faith.

They are of the UCC (United Chuch of Christ) from a Congrgational Church of Protestant Christianity.

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TheFancyBanana Grand Master

TheFancyBanana

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Yeah they do. I was talking to them about this like a week ago and they said "You're only twelve and we know you IDENTIFY AS A SIKH but you can't have kesh". They think I'm still a Christian. But whatever. One day they'll realize, whether it be this life or not.

I've shown them about Sikhi but I really feel like they were only half listening.

Yeah, I recently felt attached to my hair and one time I cried after a haircut. Yeah Waheguru will do kirpaa for me eventually and what a great day that will be.

The Khalsa Panth is awakening. Dhan Dhan Sri Vaheguru that you have blessed my foolish Sikh to begin to walk on the path, no matter how far many home is.

You re,ain in cherdhi kala too!

Wjkk wjkf!

It can be hard for a parent. Your parents are Christian, I don't know how religious they are, but they might think that Chrisitanity is the only way that is right. As long as you feel Sikhi is best way for you, then it doesn't matter what other people think.

You are at a young age, at this age we do go through phases. So, they might assume that you are just exploring and will lose interest. I'm not saying that you will lose interest, you may be at peace with Sikhi and find that it helps you to realise Waheguru. But your parents might assume that you will grow out of it.

You are already walking the Gurus path, you seem to be growing in your Sikhi already. I guess the best thing you can do to show your parents how much Sikhi means to you, is to put it into practice. Start helping out with charities, work to fight your 5 thieves, contemplate upon Waheguru.

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