Need Help And Guidance

[kaurp]

SadhSangat Ji ,

I am a young ambitious girl ,dentist by profession.I got married in 2013 with an n.r.i residing in canada due to which I had to leave my job and go to canada.I have been a very studious and hard working girl.I was told that my husband is an engineer.I went to canada nd started working for my licencing exams there..just when I was about to give exam my husband bought me back to india stating he has to do business in india..now my complete 1 and half yr has been wasted.M so broken shatered hv tried every possible way to convince him to get me back for my exam..throughout my life I have never thought anything beyond study nd I have put all my energy my everything in this exam preparation.My husband felt insecure nd bought me back here where I will have to start again from zero.I have lost all my courage bcz i feel betray nd cheated and even my parents are not supporting they are saying this is it.You have to be by your husband side but i cant love him anylonger coz he has cheated me.pl guide me how to stand again.i am badly broken.all the time i have severe headaches nd I take antidepressants.I have not demanded anything from anyone.all i want is to study in a foreign university bcz i have put all my efforts for that .We are always told to think about our family first does that mean we should curb our own feelings.why a person marries a doctor just to sayisfy his ego ?if someone cannot provide us wings to fly then why he cuts our wings.Guru Nanak Dev Ji has told us that women should get their rights but why society wants women to lag behind.I feel that all my power has been snatched from me.I dont want to live a life of slavery.Pl guide me how can i bring my life back to normal.

[simran345]

These issues of which country the couple is going to live should have been discussed and decided before the marriage. If it's done on assumption alone, that is not wise as it takes both the husband and wife to make a marriage work.

Don't rely on anti depressants too much for headaches. They will give you side effects coming off them too.

You should have been told in advance of your exam that you are leaving for India not at the time .

You say you was told he was an engineer, see this is where our people go wrong when choosing a marriage partner. Your family should have done the relevant enquiries. One cannot go by just being told by another, it should have been confirmed.

In my opnion reading from your post Kaurp Ji, it doesn't seem a career or educational problem, but as a marriage communication problem.

Basically he's doing his own thing without compromising with you, which also is not wise in a marriage.

I understand you are hurt and feel you have wasted a year, but how is he otherwise with you? Putting the education to a side, is your marriage an acceptable one or still not what you expected?

Ok so now what's done is done, you are in India now ? You mentioned 1 and a half year, that's not really a big period. Many things can happen in the next year and a half. If you can do it again, then go for it if that's what you really want, and this time you will be more prepared to pass the exam. If you still have a chance of doing the same study there, then what's stopping you? You can do both, study and focus on your marriage, and make something of yourself there too if there is the opportunity if your marriage is happy.

"why a person marries a doctor just to sayisfy his ego ?"

But this could also be seen as ahankaar, ego from your side too. If he lied of his occupation that's wrong, but if he treats you right, would his occupation really matter? And I thought you said you were a dentist by profession, so how does that make you doctor?

The rest do your ardas to Waheguru to help you.

[simran345]

Did your doctor prescribe your anti depressants?

Also if you wanted to pursue your career in Canada, why did you come back to India?

Now how will you go back? Don't mind me saying, I'm not judging you, but you made a statement which you have portrayed yourself as in a higher position than your husband. But why did you not research your husbands qualifications, etc if you are so educated? Also a businessman is not uneducated. You have made your decisions to come back and then realised when it's too late to go back.

Yes Guru Nanak Dev Ji gave women equality, but they didn't say marry any Tom, Bittu or Harry to follow your dreams. You should have done that yourself. Only you know what you up against, and sorry but I can't advise on what services or support is available in India for you, if somebody else can they are welcome to.

Please don't think I'm being nasty, but your story doesn't add up, and one thing I can't understand is, normally when people go abroad for settlement, they don't usually go back to India, unless there's something you are not telling or if they can afford to live a stable life.

May God help you through this penji.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

SadhSangat Ji ,

I am a young ambitious girl ,dentist by profession.I got married in 2013 with an n.r.i residing in canada due to which I had to leave my job and go to canada.I have been a very studious and hard working girl.I was told that my husband is an engineer.I went to canada nd started working for my licencing exams there..just when I was about to give exam my husband bought me back to india stating he has to do business in india..now my complete 1 and half yr has been wasted.M so broken shatered hv tried every possible way to convince him to get me back for my exam..throughout my life I have never thought anything beyond study nd I have put all my energy my everything in this exam preparation.My husband felt insecure nd bought me back here where I will have to start again from zero.I have lost all my courage bcz i feel betray nd cheated and even my parents are not supporting they are saying this is it.You have to be by your husband side but i cant love him anylonger coz he has cheated me.pl guide me how to stand again.i am badly broken.all the time i have severe headaches nd I take antidepressants.I have not demanded anything from anyone.all i want is to study in a foreign university bcz i have put all my efforts for that .We are always told to think about our family first does that mean we should curb our own feelings.why a person marries a doctor just to sayisfy his ego ?if someone cannot provide us wings to fly then why he cuts our wings.Guru Nanak Dev Ji has told us that women should get their rights but why society wants women to lag behind.I feel that all my power has been snatched from me.I dont want to live a life of slavery.Pl guide me how can i bring my life back to normal.

You are right. Dont be a slave, which means dont let all money power, financials, rest with your husband. You should try to go back to study abroad, but u cant go without ur husband if he will not pay for it. So 1st step is to earn money. So in india u already have credentials n license. So get a job. Maybe ur same job back. Earn lots of money. Then u have the means and power to go back to canada to study. Just say, after u have money, i am going for a few days/ few months only just to finish my studies. Then i will be back.

also in canada n usa, it is possible to finish studies, even if u stopped in the middle. So dont give up hope. You can still study and finish when u get back.

[harsharan000]

SadhSangat Ji ,

I am a young ambitious girl ,dentist by profession.I got married in 2013 with an n.r.i residing in canada due to which I had to leave my job and go to canada.I have been a very studious and hard working girl.I was told that my husband is an engineer.I went to canada nd started working for my licencing exams there..just when I was about to give exam my husband bought me back to india stating he has to do business in india..now my complete 1 and half yr has been wasted.M so broken shatered hv tried every possible way to convince him to get me back for my exam..throughout my life I have never thought anything beyond study nd I have put all my energy my everything in this exam preparation.My husband felt insecure nd bought me back here where I will have to start again from zero.I have lost all my courage bcz i feel betray nd cheated and even my parents are not supporting they are saying this is it.You have to be by your husband side but i cant love him anylonger coz he has cheated me.pl guide me how to stand again.i am badly broken.all the time i have severe headaches nd I take antidepressants.I have not demanded anything from anyone.all i want is to study in a foreign university bcz i have put all my efforts for that .We are always told to think about our family first does that mean we should curb our own feelings.why a person marries a doctor just to sayisfy his ego ?if someone cannot provide us wings to fly then why he cuts our wings.Guru Nanak Dev Ji has told us that women should get their rights but why society wants women to lag behind.I feel that all my power has been snatched from me.I dont want to live a life of slavery.

Pl guide me how can i bring my life back to normal.

Dear kaurp jee,

Simran Pen Jee and Not2Cool2Argue, have given you good advices above. Anyhow, not knowing the full picture of your situation, I would tell you, be with your husband, support him, let him see that you stand his side and support him in his decisions, as we men usually have a lot of ego (lol) ... well that is how we are, we are not perfect, as women are not either, and we have to accept these facts.

In the long run, women have more positive qualities then we men. First of all, we owe our existence to you women. So that is it.

So konwing our limitations, we as humans have to arise above them, and cooperate with our life partners on a level of trust, understanding, cooperation and moral support.

If in spite of doing this, you can still tell your husband to allow you to go to Canada for that exam, and buy you a ticket if the economical conditions are fine, because you as a human have a life to live with dignity.

Men have to understand their wives, that women make a huge sacrifice and leave all their families and friends, just to be with the husband´s side. This decision alone by itself, is solid a reason to love and respect women, and be all that supporting and helpful, they may need from our side.

Then pen jee, if he does not agree, or can not afford for your going to Canada, wait for a while, work a bit, earn and save enough money, to fulfill your dream, to become a fully dignified human being.

Stop all antidepresants, breathe deeply, and take shelter at Wahiguru´s wisdom to be guided, cheer up, your life is only yours...

My best wishes are with you.

Sat Sree Akal.

[simran345]

Kaurp ji, I thought this may help to uplift your mood a bit.

[singhbj singh]

SadhSangat Ji ,

I am a young ambitious girl ,dentist by profession.I got married in 2013 with an n.r.i residing in canada due to which I had to leave my job and go to canada.I have been a very studious and hard working girl.I was told that my husband is an engineer.I went to canada nd started working for my licencing exams there..just when I was about to give exam my husband bought me back to india stating he has to do business in india..now my complete 1 and half yr has been wasted.M so broken shatered hv tried every possible way to convince him to get me back for my exam..throughout my life I have never thought anything beyond study nd I have put all my energy my everything in this exam preparation.My husband felt insecure nd bought me back here where I will have to start again from zero.I have lost all my courage bcz i feel betray nd cheated and even my parents are not supporting they are saying this is it.You have to be by your husband side but i cant love him anylonger coz he has cheated me.pl guide me how to stand again.i am badly broken.all the time i have severe headaches nd I take antidepressants.I have not demanded anything from anyone.all i want is to study in a foreign university bcz i have put all my efforts for that .We are always told to think about our family first does that mean we should curb our own feelings.why a person marries a doctor just to sayisfy his ego ?if someone cannot provide us wings to fly then why he cuts our wings.Guru Nanak Dev Ji has told us that women should get their rights but why society wants women to lag behind.I feel that all my power has been snatched from me.I dont want to live a life of slavery.Pl guide me how can i bring my life back to normal.

Whether India or abroad you can apply for scholarship or opt for a distance learning program.

[buddasingh]

Possible lots of pertinent facts missing from your description. What do you mean by your husband ‘felt insecure and brought me back here’? If your husband was to post here, is that what he would say? If not, what would he say?

You state that all you wanted was to study at a foreign university and you put all your efforts into that. You make it sound as if his citizenship was what you refer to as your wings. You suggest he married you to satisfy his ego. You make your marriage sound like a business transaction on both your parts. Were you both deceptive in your reasons for marrying each other?

How, specifically, were you cheated that you can not love him any longer? You can not love him because of the country you are living in? Cheating is deception. What was his deception?

Get a second opinion on the anti-depressants. They may assist if you are highly prone to depression, genuinely suicidal, or your circumstances are far worse than described here. In many cases they are prescribed too readily by many dolt status chasers who pride themselves as doctors but are too stupid to use their brain. Find one of the 5-10% of doctors that actually have brains and query as to whether you need the meds or can safely wean yourself off.

With respect to your wings, if circumstances are causing your opportunity to be curtailed, don’t help that by giving in. Stay strong. Flight is not just sunny days. Part of flight are challenges of headwinds and even storms. If you are ambitious, studious and hardworking, then apply those strengths to staying strong. Those qualities are not ones that can be taken away from you. Your path will evolve with time and opportunities may arise for you. Exercise your body and mind as a sikh should.

Our minds can write a script that does not entirely exist and then make it a reality. This can be negative or positive. Does your husband feel cheated for marrying him to fulfill your dream of studying at a foreign university? Is that his script? Are there qualities that you see in your husband? Can you use those qualities to communicate your own needs to him?

[simran345]

Good post buddasingh Ji.

[kaurp]

Thanks everyone for your concern and suggestions.some people are not judging me right here so let me tell you in detail.when my husband 's family approached me he was working in an IT company,we verified that but once I got married he left the job nd started business.Now the problem is he should have told me his plans further or he could have find some way out beneficial for both.It s not that i married him for his canadian status but yes i married him bcz he was an engineer nd I think when both ppl in marriage are professionals they understand professional commitments.if he had plans earlier he could hv told me not to resign my previous job or he could have clarified things so that i could have taken my decision that way.if you are watching someone working so hard for something i think being a life partner it s your duty morally to support your spouse.it s not difficult to manage one or two months delay in starting up a business in India and by the way his business project has not been started till today,though it s been two months we are here.and then he being a man has got the right to change his country for his business but me being a woman is not even allowed to work outside his home town...it s hard to accept this behaviour nd then social pressure from everyone that you have to sacrifice in order to make this marriage worth.how can you live in peace with a person who cheated you who broke your trust.who cannot value you for what you are.