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One Person In Marriage And Amrit


Guest SinghQA
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Guest SinghQA

VJKK VJKF

Online sangat Ji, this daas has one beantee.

By way of background, I am a Sikh who met a non-sikh partner. We started dating and sometime into the relationship, Guru Sahib did kirpa and gave me the thirst for amrit.

I understand and now agree that dating the non-sikh person was not proper. However, it may have been Maharaj Ji who set this khel for me. This person is lovely and has been very supportive in my aspirations.

Now, she would like for us to get married and have a family etc. All of which I supported.

However, now that I wish to be blessed with amrit, I ask:

- will the panj payare administer this situation?

- if they do, can I have a physical relation and children with her?

The other thing is:

- If it is a choice between Amrit and this person, I will pick Amrit and the Guru Sahib. However, I do not wish to break their heart as they also have akal roop inside them and I also consider this to be a sin.

I am really confused either way. I wish to take hukamnama to resolve this and guidance from panj payare.

But any other thoughts from the sangat will be greatly appreciated.

VJKK VJKF

Please forgive any mistakes from this lowly Sikh.

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Guest Jacfsing2

VJKK VJKF

Online sangat Ji, this daas has one beantee.

By way of background, I am a Sikh who met a non-sikh partner. We started dating and sometime into the relationship, Guru Sahib did kirpa and gave me the thirst for amrit.

I understand and now agree that dating the non-sikh person was not proper. However, it may have been Maharaj Ji who set this khel for me. This person is lovely and has been very supportive in my aspirations.

Now, she would like for us to get married and have a family etc. All of which I supported.

However, now that I wish to be blessed with amrit, I ask:

- will the panj payare administer this situation?

- if they do, can I have a physical relation and children with her?

The other thing is:

- If it is a choice between Amrit and this person, I will pick Amrit and the Guru Sahib. However, I do not wish to break their heart as they also have akal roop inside them and I also consider this to be a sin.

I am really confused either way. I wish to take hukamnama to resolve this and guidance from panj payare.

But any other thoughts from the sangat will be greatly appreciated.

VJKK VJKF

Please forgive any mistakes from this lowly Sikh.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! From what I know the Punj Pyare recommended both people in the couple getting married, does this person have any interest in Sikhi or taking Amrit? What I do know that if you would marry this person, you'd have to very much be celibate if they won't take Amrit, not because they are a bad person, but because of the ideals of the Khalsa. I know some people will take Amrit without their partner, but don't know all that much about their lifestyle in their marriage. I'd recommend going to the Punj Pyare for this one. (I'm unmarried, so I couldn't tell you everything). Hopefully Vaheguru will make your wish come true.
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Guest SinghQA

Thank you for your reply.

I have asked and did ardaas to Maharaj to bring this person into the Sikhi path but so far there is no interest.

If I cannot have a family with this person, it will be a 'deal breaker' so to say. Same applies for being celebate. Noting this, I can only pray Maharaj give me the guidance as to how to proceed.

I understand that the sangat may advise to call this relationship off. I suppose I am too weak hearted to look someone in the eye and ruin their dream even if it is Maya or moh.

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Guest Satwinder Singh

Paa Jee,

we come alone and alone we have to go. Each and every one is responsible for his/her fate. Punj Pyare should not interfere with your private life, as long as you are faithful and honest according to Gurmat.

Spirituality or ruhaniyat, is a private and independent path for each being, irrespective of any worldly relationships. Because, worldly relations are due to bodies and per accounts of giving and taking, due to karmas again.Once, these accounts are paid off, each one goes his/her own chalked destiny.

In His Darbar, there is only Him, and with Him alone, whom we are related as jeevas or souls, that is it.

There is no such thing as mothers, fathers, brothers, friends, sons, wives, husbands. etc....

As per my opìnion, I would say carry on, and be an example to your spouse. Let her see reflected in you, the beautiful values of sikhee, and if it is in her lot to be blessed by Guru Jee, she will come on the path by herself.

Of course, it is always better, if both the spouses are on the same path, because, that will further on, make easy, some unavoidables issues which arise between a man and a woman in a marriage on a long run, even if one not wanting it.

So just relax and trust Guru Jee under all circumstances, do not get over excited, nor upset, if things do not happen according to your wishes.

Any how my good wishes are with you, God bless you.

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Guest SinghQA

Thank you Khalsaman.

I have read the SGPC rehat and it doesn't appear to state that it would be bujher kureit. With Maharajas kirpa, I am fully ready to accept his hukam and avoid this outcome.

But forgive me as I am of low intellect, which of the four bujher kureit does it impact? I have only read not to have carndinal relations other than with your married partner. I may be reading this too literally. But does the extension of this interpretation apply to marriages only between amritdharis, and thus any relation be it married or unmarried to a person not with amrit and maintening rehat is a cardinal sin?

Please forgive my lowly understanding. I am not questioning Guru's beant wisdom. I merely seek to understand the position of the panth as it currently applies.

For example, anand karaj practice no longer involves both husband and wife being amritdharis. Or at least that is my understanding.

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Guest Jacfsing2

Thank you for your reply.

I have asked and did ardaas to Maharaj to bring this person into the Sikhi path but so far there is no interest.

If I cannot have a family with this person, it will be a 'deal breaker' so to say. Same applies for being celebate. Noting this, I can only pray Maharaj give me the guidance as to how to proceed.

I understand that the sangat may advise to call this relationship off. I suppose I am too weak hearted to look someone in the eye and ruin their dream even if it is Maya or moh.

If this is how you are thinking at the moment, I would recommend waiting to take Amrit, how strong is your Rehat currently? Do you stick to a strict Nitnem?
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Guest Jacfsing2

Thank you Khalsaman.

I have read the SGPC rehat and it doesn't appear to state that it would be bujher kureit. With Maharajas kirpa, I am fully ready to accept his hukam and avoid this outcome.

But forgive me as I am of low intellect, which of the four bujher kureit does it impact? I have only read not to have carndinal relations other than with your married partner. I may be reading this too literally. But does the extension of this interpretation apply to marriages only between amritdharis, and thus any relation be it married or unmarried to a person not with amrit and maintening rehat is a cardinal sin?

Please forgive my lowly understanding. I am not questioning Guru's beant wisdom. I merely seek to understand the position of the panth as it currently applies.

For example, anand karaj practice no longer involves both husband and wife being amritdharis. Or at least that is my understanding.

The Punj Pyare give the Maryada, the Akal Takht Rehat Maryada is the basic Maryada that nobody can contradict. It's not a Bhujjer Kurehit, but highly unrecommended for one partner to be Amritdhari and the other not. It has more to do with both Roti Beti Di Sanjh Di Khalsa as well as Jhootha. I respect your desire both to take Amrit and learn as a Sikh. (I would still ask the Punj Pyare, I'm not a Punj Pyare, so I couldn't answer your question, the people giving the Amrit should decide).
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Guest SinghQA

Thank you. With Maharajs kirpa I have been doing nitnem and Amrit Vela naam jap (70% of the time for Amrit Vela and daily for nitnem).

I do not know gurmukhi but if Guru Sahib blesses me, I wish to learn.

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VAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA, VAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Most Amrit sanchars will provide instruction to anyone who comes without their spouse to A) come back and bring the spouse and B) if the person insists on being given Amrit, to live with his/her spouse as a brother/sister. Aka. no physical intimate relationship (intercourse). One cannot have jooth from a non-Amritdhari, how are they able to engage in the most intimate of behaviors? TO do so will make the person patit and will require affirming their committment to refrain from any such conduct unless the spouse also becomes Amritdhari. There is more to roti-beti sanjh than just military discipline - there is a meaning and a reason for this boundary to have been drawn. Rest Guru Sahib knows and will guide and aspirant in a similar situation in the Amrit Sanchar.

Do Ardaas and ask Guru Sahib for direction and guidance. The Sikh Rehat Maryada does not go into every detail - it is more of a high level consensus document. There is a lot of Rehat described in Rehatnamas and passed on from Gursikh to Gursikh that is not codified and encompassed in the Sikh Rehat Maryada.

Guru Sahib bless you and guide you and your spouse to his sanctuary.

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