What do I do

[sikhni777]

Its a bit of the parents fault as well,  when they cling on to their offspring and plant silly ideas into their heads.  Overcontrlling and insecure parents will breed offspring which will be devoid of independent thinking.  They do it on purpose in order to secure their own future.  Their boys will always listen to them,  without reasoning.

Before I knew where we were heading,  my mum in law always demanded my husband to side with her in every argument.  She even insisted - if  something happens to me you will never get another mum you can always find another wife though. If this mentality had come across to me before then I would never have agreed to marry into such a family. 

However some think about their parents being their past and their wives being their future.  It is very hard to live with someone who has to consult his parents on everything. Respect belongs to a different level. Being totally obedient falls under the category of being the teacher's pet. You do as they please because you trusted them all your life. However parents should also learn to respect and encourage independent thinking in their children and allow the couple some space to develop their own rules and thinking.  Their duty is to look after you as a child,  not as a  independent adult.  

Christians too believe in the verse that a man should leave his parents and become one with his wife.  Ek jot dhoye moorti is the Sikh equivalent.  Respect for parents falls in a different category.  Its not the mums duty to decide whether the height or caste issue is unsuitable for her son. I believe the mum is totally wrong here.  What is someone else did that to her own daughter. Would she take it silently?

I remember a rishta being broken because someone grandfather who lives in India told them that their fourth generation had similar surnames.  Both parties had to accept this from a vizurg who has never visited the UK, does not understand how well the couple were getting along and also the hurt and disappointment afflicted on both parties.  

Youngsters need to mature up and speak up against some of these silly things which keep on coming from the order generation. 

[jkvlondon]

34 minutes ago, sikhni777 said:

Its a bit of the parents fault as well,  when they cling on to their offspring and plant silly ideas into their heads.  Overcontrlling and insecure parents will breed offspring which will be devoid of independent thinking.  They do it on purpose in order to secure their own future.  Their boys will always listen to them,  without reasoning.

Before I knew where we were heading,  my mum in law always demanded my husband to side with her in every argument.  She even insisted - if  something happens to me you will never get another mum you can always find another wife though. If this mentality had come across to me before then I would never have agreed to marry into such a family. 

However some think about their parents being their past and their wives being their future.  It is very hard to live with someone who has to consult his parents on everything. Respect belongs to a different level. Being totally obedient falls under the category of being the teacher's pet. You do as they please because you trusted them all your life. However parents should also learn to respect and encourage independent thinking in their children and allow the couple some space to develop their own rules and thinking.  Their duty is to look after you as a child,  not as a  independent adult.  

Christians too believe in the verse that a man should leave his parents and become one with his wife.  Ek jot dhoye moorti is the Sikh equivalent.  Respect for parents falls in a different category.  Its not the mums duty to decide whether the height or caste issue is unsuitable for her son. I believe the mum is totally wrong here.  What is someone else did that to her own daughter. Would she take it silently?

I remember a rishta being broken because someone grandfather who lives in India told them that their fourth generation had similar surnames.  Both parties had to accept this from a vizurg who has never visited the UK, does not understand how well the couple were getting along and also the hurt and disappointment afflicted on both parties.  

Youngsters need to mature up and speak up against some of these silly things which keep on coming from the order generation. 

Bhainji 

it's not just Indians who do this my Italian descent grandmother in law was like this and my own European descent Mother-in-law is the same , in fact, my own Mother commiserated with me her words' I thought maybe you were spared the Indian Saas  but your Saas is do rutti hor than that'   . Any culture which has extended families as it's base will have the family politics, my greek mates complain like us too . Just got to be firm in your own path and life and resist outside influence . No amount of crocodile tears and performances on Saasu ji's  Part changed my mind to make my kids into any other than sikhs , or changed my husband's bhes or dietary habits (same as amritdhari) . Women who try to control through emotional blackmail are the worst, your kids should want to care for you just because of the love you showed and the ethics you implanted in their hearts, not because of threats.  

Look at the sikh mothers of the past and how they brought up their children to be independent fearless intelligent warriors not simpering emasculated boys (like the hindu men I've met) . look at the children they were aware of their duty and discarded their parents when those parents tried to disway them from sikhi .

All faiths tell us to respect and care for our parents and I still look after and care for my in-laws when ever they are with me , even my bro-in-law lived with us for nearly two years ... and he was kind of amazed that I am so patient and caring with them despite their bad behaviour etc . Simple answer sikhiya of Sikhi and Gurmat parents who taught me better. Kids shouldn't abuse their jeevan saathi because of their parents personal beefs with said person , our parents can be mean hearted too they are human and falliable too.  We all need to use gurmat buddhi to treat people correctly

[jkvlondon]

1 hour ago, Preeet said:

Whats a rehnsabhais?

rehn night subah  morning   aaai has come - akhand kirtan program running through post rehras Sahib time to post Nitnem and Asa di Vaar time , should try it sometime 

[simran345]

2 hours ago, Preeet said:

Whats a rehnsabhais?

 

38 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

rehn night subah  morning   aaai has come - akhand kirtan program running through post rehras Sahib time to post Nitnem and Asa di Vaar time , should try it sometime 

I like Bhai Anantvir Singh Los Angeles wale. 

 

[Guest Jacfsing2]

3 hours ago, Preeet said:

Whats a rehnsabhais?

It's a concept where people do a lot of kirtan at night, very popular among the Randhir Singh' Jatha, (original name of AKJ), and due to the influence of it, it has started in many non-Akj Gurdwaras as well.

[jkvlondon]

6 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

It's a concept where people do a lot of kirtan at night, very popular among the Randhir Singh' Jatha, (original name of AKJ), and due to the influence of it, it has started in many non-Akj Gurdwaras as well.

my best quote on this was from Mohinder Singh SDO before he went awry ....at Gravesend Rehnsbhai 'While other people are dancing and drinking in pubs and clubs thinking they are having a good time , you are all getting the laha of naam in sangat the true reward'

[Guest Jacfsing2]

42 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

my best quote on this was from Mohinder Singh SDO before he went awry ....at Gravesend Rehnsbhai 'While other people are dancing and drinking in pubs and clubs thinking they are having a good time , you are all getting the laha of naam in sangat the true reward'

What did SDO do wrong? He's got like hours of kirtans for simple programs? Honestly would like to know the story, not a single person has been able to really explain it to me, like Balbir Singh got fired for not doing Mehta Tekhan to Pakhandi Jathedar Gurbachan Singh, what's the reason for SDO?

[jkvlondon]

2 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

What did SDO do wrong? He's got like hours of kirtans for simple programs? Honestly would like to know the story, not a single person has been able to really explain it to me, like Balbir Singh got fired for not doing Mehta Tekhan to Pakhandi Jathedar Gurbachan Singh, what's the reason for SDO?

not sure I just thought he started to misinterpreting Guru ji ...so fell out of favour ...we used to listen to sooo much kirtan and his one was always on rotation with Bhai Jeevan Singh ji

[Guest Jacfsing2]

1 minute ago, jkvlondon said:

not sure I just thought he started to misinterpreting Guru ji ...so fell out of favour ...we used to listen to sooo much kirtan and his one was always on rotation with Bhai Jeevan Singh ji

This Bhai Jeevan Singh? http://www.sikhlionz.com/Bhai-Jeevan-Singh-Ji.htm If he was his equal; he'd certainly be a Mahapurukh.

[jkvlondon]

4 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

This Bhai Jeevan Singh? http://www.sikhlionz.com/Bhai-Jeevan-Singh-Ji.htm If he was his equal; he'd certainly be a Mahapurukh.

if that was true he would not have been avoided ... oh well sometimes with development comes the tests ...as I have been told . There is no doubt about Bhai Jeevan SIngh ji ...