'Haneri' A Short Film on Mental Health in the Punjabi Community

[dallysingh101]

Must watch (warning, this is graphic):

 

[MisterrSingh]

Serious question: Is this how Punjabis behave behind closed doors? I'm not suggesting everyone's the same but is it accurate enough to develop certain community stereotypes and tropes? Or do videos like these over-dramatise certain aspects of our culture in order to get a point across? I ask because although I'm Punjabi and Sikh, i never had an atypical upbringing. Discipline, traditionalism, and religion were constants, but equally there was also a lot of serenity. It was very chilled and serene. No emotional distance but equally there was a sense of quiet reserve. Just watching the actors in that video quickens the pulse, lol. I can't imagine tolerating even 5 minutes of such annoying behaviour in real life.

Anyway, as for the subject of the video it's an important issue that needs to be highlighted. Unfortunately, it does so by pandering to any watching white people by reinforcing the idea that the problem lies not within the individual, but is a symptom of the apparently overwhelming regressive and unsophisticated Punjabi culture this girl belongs to. That would be true if youngsters from homes of white, upper middle class intellectuals didn't suffer from mental illness. Which culture can they blame for their ills? I applaud the efforts of people from our community who are highlighting these important issues, but there must be a way of doing so without giving the impression that we're backwards idiots. Unless we are mostly pendus, and in that case i take it all back, lol.

[dallysingh101]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Serious question: Is this how Punjabis behave behind closed doors? I'm not suggesting everyone's the same but is it accurate enough to develop certain community stereotypes and tropes? Or do videos like these over-dramatise certain aspects of our culture in order to get a point across? I ask because although I'm Punjabi and Sikh, i never had an atypical upbringing. Discipline, traditionalism, and religion were constants, but equally there was also a lot of serenity. It was very chilled and serene. No emotional distance but equally there was a sense of quiet reserve. Just watching the actors in that video quickens the pulse, lol. I can't imagine tolerating even 5 minutes of such annoying behaviour in real life.

Anyway, as for the subject of the video it's an important issue that needs to be highlighted. Unfortunately, it does so by pandering to any watching white people by reinforcing the idea that the problem lies not within the individual, but is a symptom of the apparently overwhelming regressive and unsophisticated Punjabi culture this girl belongs to. That would be true if youngsters from homes of white, upper middle class intellectuals didn't suffer from mental illness. Which culture can they blame for their ills? I applaud the efforts of people from our community who are highlighting these important issues, but there must be a way of doing so without giving the impression that we're backwards idiots. Unless we are mostly pendus, and in that case i take it all back, lol.

Come on man. That kind of gruff behaviour is not unknown in our community. Yes, it might be slightly played up for effect (which is understandable given the objective of the video), but Panjabi apnay can be very abrupt and insensitive like this. This kind of behaviour is more common than someone who isn't raised in it might imagine.

And we are mostly pendus, and a lot of Panjabi men and women do have very strong, overriding personalities for whatever reasons. 

It isn't that much of a problem back home where it is normalised and people are accustomed to it, but bring it to the west, where children grown infinitely more sensitive than those back home - and have other more gentle models of families to compare to and bang - you get all sorts of disheartenment and depression stemming from it. Mainly because people feel they are not being heard. This type of thing can play havoc to the developing psyche and leads to all manner of negative emotions, especially to those who are more sensitive of disposition.

That's how it looks to me anyway.  

[MisterrSingh]

20 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Come on man. That kind of gruff behaviour is not unknown in our community. Yes, it might be slightly played up for effect (which is understandable given the objective of the video), but Panjabi apnay can be very abrupt and insensitive like this. This kind of behaviour is more common than someone who isn't raised in it might imagine.

And we are mostly pendus, and a lot of Panjabi men and women do have very strong, overriding personalities for whatever reasons. 

It isn't that much of a problem back home where it is normalised and people are accustomed to it, but bring it to the west, where children grown infinitely more sensitive than those back home - and have other more gentle models of families to compare to and bang - you get all sorts of disheartenment and depression stemming from it. Mainly because people feel they are not being heard. This type of thing can play havoc to the developing psyche and leads to all manner of negative emotions, especially to those who are more sensitive of disposition.

That's how it looks to me anyway.  

Honestly bro, I'm merely asking for my benefit. That type of behaviour for me is as alien as it would be for a non-Punjabi. Like i said I've been on the periphery of the community most of my life, and even when i wasn't, things weren't like this for me, so that's probably why i really don't have much experience of these type of people. I don't doubt the integrity of the message. 

[dallysingh101]

14 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Honestly bro, I'm merely asking for my benefit. That type of behaviour for me is as alien as it would be for a non-Punjabi. Like i said I've been on the periphery of the community most of my life, and even when i wasn't, things weren't like this for me, so that's probably why i really don't have much experience of these type of people. I don't doubt the integrity of the message. 

Bro, this is like common rustic behaviour. A lot of us have got at least some of it in us (myself included...I'm not proud).

I think the harshness of some of our upbringings can make some of us like this, because the behaviour is normalised through experience. Often we've had to constantly fight to be heard in our families, which can effect our personalities. When people aren't aware of this it can be dangerous. Even for those that do become conscious of it, retraining your behaviour/thinking that has developed over years and served some logical purpose can be very difficult. 

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

Punjabis , esp Punjabi Sikhs , esp pendu or previous generation are known to be for being unrefined people ! 

The whole world ridicules our burrrrraaaaahhhhhhhh , bakre balaune , and so many other things haha .

why don't we know it yet ?

[MisterrSingh]

1 hour ago, dallysingh101 said:

Bro, this is like common rustic behaviour. A lot of us have got at least some of it in us (myself included...I'm not proud).

I think the harshness of some of our upbringings can make some of us like this, because the behaviour is normalised through experience. Often we've had to constantly fight to be heard in our families, which can effect our personalities. When people aren't aware of this it can be dangerous. Even for those that do become conscious of it, retraining your behaviour/thinking that has developed over years and served some logical purpose can be very difficult. 

All true. 

Whenever i, even as a child, inadvertently raised my voice above the ambient noise of a room i was immediately shot down with, "Talk like a human, not an animal" lol. This was all coming from Gursikh Punjabi parents, so it wasn't as if we were coconuts or middle class or anything like that. I suppose it's just personal family habits. I can imagine the sense of hopelessness and despair felt by someone who is struggling with their emotions and mental health, and all they hear is such coarse and raw ways of expression. It makes a terrible situation even tougher to cope with. Still, as i said earlier, best not to make this about, "The culture and methods of expression are coarse, hence these problems are happening" situation, because we know that isn't true. There is an element of that in the video in my opinion. It's why i struggle to identify with the message of the film no matter how noble the intentions. I'm sure there's many people like me out there who feel the same way. The creator of the piece would've been better served to highlight the issue at hand instead of reinforcing stereotypes. As it is, the video is less about the girl's mental health, and more about castigating the family for their pendupuna.

[Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi]

People like to go in denial about things that makes them uncomfortable . 

[MisterrSingh]

7 minutes ago, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

People like to go in denial about things that makes them uncomfortable . 

So why do the offspring of white upper-middle class doctors, teachers, scientists, etc, suffer from mental illness? Does Grandmother Joan lament the influence of witchcraft when young Hannah is cutting herself? 

[dallysingh101]

14 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

All true. 

Whenever i, even as a child, inadvertently raised my voice above the ambient noise of a room i was immediately shot down with, "Talk like a human, not an animal" lol. This was all coming from Gursikh Punjabi parents, so it wasn't as if we were coconuts or middle class or anything like that. I suppose it's just personal family habits. I can imagine the sense of hopelessness and despair felt by someone who is struggling with their emotions and mental health, and all they hear is such coarse and raw ways of expression. It makes a terrible situation even tougher to cope with. Still, as i said earlier, best not to make this about, "The culture and methods of expression are coarse, hence these problems are happening" situation, because we know that isn't true. There is an element of that in the video in my opinion. It's why i struggle to identify with the message of the film no matter how noble the intentions. I'm sure there's many people like me out there who feel the same way. The creator of the piece would've been better served to highlight the issue at hand instead of reinforcing stereotypes. As it is, the video is less about the girl's mental health, and more about castigating the family for their pendupuna.

This 'pendupuna' has its advantages as well as disadvantages. For those of a strong disposition, it actually helps to teach one to hold their own. Which can be helpful if you later find yourself in tougher, challenging environments where people try and test you all the time (like say building sites). But for those of a more delicate disposition, yes, it can lead to mental health issues, depression, low-esteem etc. etc.

Maybe this also explains why so many Sikh girls are mouthy and obnoxious like they are (not all before people get excited!). Just a thought?