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Pl help me.

Since the birth of my son I am having a lot of stress and low feeling mainly because of the environment at my home and non coperation of my husband.

Many times I have tried to talk about it with my husband but he says we can get seperate or you adjust to the conditions but nothing will change in the house.The problem is my mother in law is very dominating and I am not allowed to have a life of my own.

I can't think of getting seperate because I love my son and my husband and also his mother though she annoys me all the time but lately I am turning very negative.

We have trust issues also.life seems very messed up and I feel only Waheguru can sort my life out however my negative thoughts inferiority complex and stress is not letting me to focus on positive.

Pl help me with Shabads and Path and a routine that can bring me closer to Waheguru so that Waheguru sort out my life.

I want my family to be happy and in harmony.I want to get rid of negativity but sometimes I lose my patience and react to adverse situations.

Looking forward to replies by respectable members on this forum.Thanks

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Guest Be a Strong Woman
2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Pl help me.

Since the birth of my son I am having a lot of stress and low feeling mainly because of the environment at my home and non coperation of my husband.

Many times I have tried to talk about it with my husband but he says we can get seperate or you adjust to the conditions but nothing will change in the house.The problem is my mother in law is very dominating and I am not allowed to have a life of my own.

I can't think of getting seperate because I love my son and my husband and also his mother though she annoys me all the time but lately I am turning very negative.

We have trust issues also.life seems very messed up and I feel only Waheguru can sort my life out however my negative thoughts inferiority complex and stress is not letting me to focus on positive.

Pl help me with Shabads and Path and a routine that can bring me closer to Waheguru so that Waheguru sort out my life.

I want my family to be happy and in harmony.I want to get rid of negativity but sometimes I lose my patience and react to adverse situations.

Looking forward to replies by respectable members on this forum.Thanks

 

HI, Did you work before you had your son and are you able to be more independent?

If you're a bride from India, it's common for mother in laws to be bad to daughter in laws and husbands to mistreat their wives. It's a sad fact and one that needs to be addressed more in England. They think the girls are all alone, can't work properly and see them as their property etc so they can treat them badly. 

You need to stand up and become a stronger woman. Leave the inferiority complex behind. The true you is beautiful strong, independent and fights for the Truth and goodness like Mai Bhago. Who cares what anyone else thinks, they are weak and insecure if they try and mistreat you. Brown Indian culture tries to put women at the mercy of others. Talk to friends and family members about this and do not suffer in silence. Seek help from women's sikh organizations if you need to and be positive.  

 Is your husband violent towards you? 

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Guest Be a Strong Woman
2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Pl help me.

Since the birth of my son I am having a lot of stress and low feeling mainly because of the environment at my home and non coperation of my husband.

Many times I have tried to talk about it with my husband but he says we can get seperate or you adjust to the conditions but nothing will change in the house.The problem is my mother in law is very dominating and I am not allowed to have a life of my own.

I can't think of getting seperate because I love my son and my husband and also his mother though she annoys me all the time but lately I am turning very negative.

We have trust issues also.life seems very messed up and I feel only Waheguru can sort my life out however my negative thoughts inferiority complex and stress is not letting me to focus on positive.

Pl help me with Shabads and Path and a routine that can bring me closer to Waheguru so that Waheguru sort out my life.

I want my family to be happy and in harmony.I want to get rid of negativity but sometimes I lose my patience and react to adverse situations.

Looking forward to replies by respectable members on this forum.Thanks

 

HI, Did you work before you had your son and are you able to be more independent?

If you're a bride from India, it's common for mother in laws to be bad to daughter in laws and husbands to mistreat their wives. It's a sad fact and one that needs to be addressed more in England. They think the girls are all alone, can't work properly and see them as their property etc so they can treat them badly. 

You need to stand up and become a stronger woman. Leave the inferiority complex behind. The true you is beautiful strong, independent and fights for the Truth and goodness like Mai Bhago. Who cares what anyone else thinks, they are weak and insecure if they try and mistreat you. Brown Indian culture tries to put women at the mercy of others. Talk to friends and family members about this and do not suffer in silence. Seek help from women's sikh organizations if you need to and be positive.  

 Is your husband violent towards you? 

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FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS ... 

There is no perfect family. We do not have perfect parents, we are not perfect, we do not marry a perfect person or have perfect children. 


We have complaints from each other. We disappoint each other. So there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. 
Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness the family becomes an arena of conflict and a stronghold of hurt. 

 

Without forgiveness, the family becomes ill. Forgiveness is the a sepsis of the soul, the cleansing of the mind and the liberation of the heart. 
Whoever does not forgive does not have peace in the soul nor communion with God. Hurt is poison that intoxicates and kills. Keeping heartache in the heart is a self-destructive gesture. It's autophagy. 
Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. 

 

That is why the family must be a place of life, not of death; 
Territory of cure and not of illness; 
Stage of forgiveness and not guilt. 
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has produced sadness; 
Healing, where sorrow has caused disease.

- Pope Francisco

 

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9 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Pl help me.

Since the birth of my son I am having a lot of stress and low feeling mainly because of the environment at my home and non coperation of my husband.

Many times I have tried to talk about it with my husband but he says we can get seperate or you adjust to the conditions but nothing will change in the house.The problem is my mother in law is very dominating and I am not allowed to have a life of my own.

I can't think of getting seperate because I love my son and my husband and also his mother though she annoys me all the time but lately I am turning very negative.

We have trust issues also.life seems very messed up and I feel only Waheguru can sort my life out however my negative thoughts inferiority complex and stress is not letting me to focus on positive.

Pl help me with Shabads and Path and a routine that can bring me closer to Waheguru so that Waheguru sort out my life.

I want my family to be happy and in harmony.I want to get rid of negativity but sometimes I lose my patience and react to adverse situations.

Looking forward to replies by respectable members on this forum.Thanks

Bheinji what you are going through is quite normal in punjabi & Sikh families.

I'll recommend that you start a Sehaj Path, visit Gurdwara daily or often, do Sadhsangat, do Seva, join a gym or crossfit. 

Create me time. Spend time doing what you like. Join women's support group both on & offline like Kaur United, Kaurs Corner.

Be active rather than passive.

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Guest Kaur 2

VJKK VJKF

Have vishwaas (faith) in Vaheguru and just keep following rehat don't stop believing and praying.

 

ਸਲੋਕ ਮਹਲਾ ੯ ॥

Salok Mehalaa 9 ||

Shalok, Ninth Mehl:

 

ਗੁਨ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਗਾਇਓ ਨਹੀ ਜਨਮੁ ਅਕਾਰਥ ਕੀਨੁ ॥

Gun Gobindh Gaaeiou Nehee Janam Akaarathh Keen ||

If you do not sing the Praises of the Lord, your life is rendered useless.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਹਰਿ ਭਜੁ ਮਨਾ ਜਿਹ ਬਿਧਿ ਜਲ ਕਉ ਮੀਨੁ ॥੧॥

Kahu Naanak Har Bhaj Manaa Jih Bidhh Jal Ko Meen ||1||

Says Nanak, meditate, vibrate upon the Lord; immerse your mind in Him, like the fish in the water. ||1||

ਬਿਖਿਅਨ ਸਿਉ ਕਾਹੇ ਰਚਿਓ ਨਿਮਖ ਨ ਹੋਹਿ ਉਦਾਸੁ ॥

Bikhian Sio Kaahae Rachiou Nimakh N Hohi Oudhaas ||

Why are you engrossed in sin and corruption? You are not detached, even for a moment!

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਭਜੁ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਾ ਪਰੈ ਨ ਜਮ ਕੀ ਫਾਸ ॥੨॥

Kahu Naanak Bhaj Har Manaa Parai N Jam Kee Faas ||2||

Says Nanak, meditate, vibrate upon the Lord, and you shall not be caught in the noose of death. ||2||

ਤਰਨਾਪੋ ਇਉ ਹੀ ਗਇਓ ਲੀਓ ਜਰਾ ਤਨੁ ਜੀਤਿ ॥

Tharanaapo Eio Hee Gaeiou Leeou Jaraa Than Jeeth ||

Your youth has passed away like this, and old age has overtaken your body.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਭਜੁ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਾ ਅਉਧ ਜਾਤੁ ਹੈ ਬੀਤਿ ॥੩॥

Kahu Naanak Bhaj Har Manaa Aoudhh Jaath Hai Beeth ||3||

Says Nanak, meditate, vibrate upon the Lord; your life is fleeting away! ||3||

ਬਿਰਧਿ ਭਇਓ ਸੂਝੈ ਨਹੀ ਕਾਲੁ ਪਹੂਚਿਓ ਆਨਿ ॥

Biradhh Bhaeiou Soojhai Nehee Kaal Pehoochiou Aan ||

You have become old, and you do not understand that death is overtaking you.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਰ ਬਾਵਰੇ ਕਿਉ ਨ ਭਜੈ ਭਗਵਾਨੁ ॥੪॥

Kahu Naanak Nar Baavarae Kio N Bhajai Bhagavaan ||4||

Says Nanak, you are insane! Why do you not remember and meditate on God? ||4||

ਧਨੁ ਦਾਰਾ ਸੰਪਤਿ ਸਗਲ ਜਿਨਿ ਅਪੁਨੀ ਕਰਿ ਮਾਨਿ ॥

Dhhan Dhaaraa Sanpath Sagal Jin Apunee Kar Maan ||

Your wealth, spouse, and all the possessions which you claim as your own

ਇਨ ਮੈ ਕਛੁ ਸੰਗੀ ਨਹੀ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਾਚੀ ਜਾਨਿ ॥੫॥

Ein Mai Kashh Sangee Nehee Naanak Saachee Jaan ||5||

- none of these shall go along with you in the end. O Nanak, know this as true. ||5||

ਪਤਿਤ ਉਧਾਰਨ ਭੈ ਹਰਨ ਹਰਿ ਅਨਾਥ ਕੇ ਨਾਥ ॥

Pathith Oudhhaaran Bhai Haran Har Anaathh Kae Naathh ||

He is the Saving Grace of sinners, the Destroyer of fear, the Master of the masterless.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਤਿਹ ਜਾਨੀਐ ਸਦਾ ਬਸਤੁ ਤੁਮ ਸਾਥਿ ॥੬॥

Kahu Naanak Thih Jaaneeai Sadhaa Basath Thum Saathh ||6||

Says Nanak, realize and know Him, who is always with you. ||6||

ਤਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਜਿਹ ਤੋ ਕਉ ਦੀਓ ਤਾਂ ਸਿਉ ਨੇਹੁ ਨ ਕੀਨ ॥

Than Dhhan Jih Tho Ko Dheeou Thaan Sio Naehu N Keen ||

He has given you your body and wealth, but you are not in love with Him.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਰ ਬਾਵਰੇ ਅਬ ਕਿਉ ਡੋਲਤ ਦੀਨ ॥੭॥

Kahu Naanak Nar Baavarae Ab Kio Ddolath Dheen ||7||

Says Nanak, you are insane! Why do you now shake and tremble so helplessly? ||7||

ਤਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਸੰਪੈ ਸੁਖ ਦੀਓ ਅਰੁ ਜਿਹ ਨੀਕੇ ਧਾਮ ॥

Than Dhhan Sanpai Sukh Dheeou Ar Jih Neekae Dhhaam ||

He has given you your body, wealth, property, peace and beautiful mansions.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਨੁ ਰੇ ਮਨਾ ਸਿਮਰਤ ਕਾਹਿ ਨ ਰਾਮੁ ॥੮॥

Kahu Naanak Sun Rae Manaa Simarath Kaahi N Raam ||8||

Says Nanak, listen, mind: why don't you remember the Lord in meditation? ||8||

ਸਭ ਸੁਖ ਦਾਤਾ ਰਾਮੁ ਹੈ ਦੂਸਰ ਨਾਹਿਨ ਕੋਇ ॥

Sabh Sukh Dhaathaa Raam Hai Dhoosar Naahin Koe ||

The Lord is the Giver of all peace and comfort. There is no other at all.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਨਿ ਰੇ ਮਨਾ ਤਿਹ ਸਿਮਰਤ ਗਤਿ ਹੋਇ ॥੯॥

Kahu Naanak Sun Rae Manaa Thih Simarath Gath Hoe ||9||

Says Nanak, listen, mind: meditating in remembrance on Him, salvation is attained. ||9||             Ang 1426

You must never forget your master, who made you and blessed you with human life, this by itself is a HUGE blessing. See things in a more positive way and try to stay happy, feel the Anand of bani. Do some bir-ras bani to give you the strength. Get stronger from within by doing bani but then you can get stronger physically by doing Shastar-vidya. Find what routine suits you and chill out for a bit.

Bhull Chuk Maaf 

VJKK VJKF

 

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You said it started from the time of your sons birth. Make sure you dont have postpartum depression. Also that you are not lacking any vitamins. Get your hormone levels checked.

Also to keep a nice atmospere in the house. Have gurbani or simran playing at a low volume 24/7. Also while cooking food, try to be in a peaceful mood and do gurbani.

Also please do sukhmani sahib da paath daily

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2 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

You said it started from the time of your sons birth. Make sure you dont have postpartum depression.

I was thinking the same. Original bhaenji, Please check up and get more info on this issue.

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Guest MrLynx
On Thursday, November 23, 2017 at 7:12 AM, singhbj singh said:

FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS ... 

There is no perfect family. We do not have perfect parents, we are not perfect, we do not marry a perfect person or have perfect children. 


We have complaints from each other. We disappoint each other. So there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. 
Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness the family becomes an arena of conflict and a stronghold of hurt. 

 

Without forgiveness, the family becomes ill. Forgiveness is the a sepsis of the soul, the cleansing of the mind and the liberation of the heart. 
Whoever does not forgive does not have peace in the soul nor communion with God. Hurt is poison that intoxicates and kills. Keeping heartache in the heart is a self-destructive gesture. It's autophagy. 
Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. 

 

That is why the family must be a place of life, not of death; 
Territory of cure and not of illness; 
Stage of forgiveness and not guilt. 
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has produced sadness; 
Healing, where sorrow has caused disease.

- Pope Francisco

 

This is really deep! Could be the answer to a lot of social issues in the world today and all to often driven by the Ego... 

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Guest Kaur 2
On 24/12/2017 at 5:19 PM, lostconfussedsingh said:

this site has a got effect on me now.

VJKK VJKF 

Same here bro... 

VJKK VJKF 

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Guest Kaur 2

VJKK VJKF

1 hour ago, lostconfussedsingh said:

VJKK VJKF

I am glad

VJKK VJKF

Yea, same cos before I never used to care about anyone else other than myself but now, I see no other than Vaheguru. Some changes happen for the best. But we as humans only see the negative side to it. I'm glad to hear you're changing and not going on them dodgy websites again... Proud of you veerji. :clap: 

VJKK VJKF

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Basically, mother In laws treating daughter in laws badly, and husband's doing the same is a massive issue in the UK especially I've noticed and should be addressed. 

Many cousins I have even women born in the UK have been treated badly by mother in laws and husbands.

Yeh daughter in laws can wreak havoc also but these are the main issues I've personally come across. 

 

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20 hours ago, lostconfussedsingh said:

Its disguisting the behaviour i have seen on daughter in laws here in the uk of all places i know and seen many happenings which i can't describe or say on here

Yeh I agree. 

In Ego, people lose sight of compassion and Humanity. 

Humbling yourself is the only way to keep your head on the ground and remain detached from the foolishness. 

Then you can see it for what it is. People need to start standing up against rubbish like this. 

I've noticed in certain cultures, men seem to think they can do what they want to women and treat them badly. It's ridiculous, we are all equal and all God's children, this is what us humans fail to understand,  recognize and accept. 

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Guest guest guest
On Sunday, December 24, 2017 at 12:19 PM, lostconfussedsingh said:

 Its horrible how the original poster must be feeling as i know without mentioning anyone how i have seen certain people in my family being treated especially when the daughter in law was bought from india into the uk. Their experinces are so horrible that suffered especially the tormenters who are amritdhari as i have seen this myself.

 

From my time on here i have learnt all you can do is any paath that you may read as thats what helped certain people in my family. 

 

I would have caused hell if i was in your shoes but like i said this site has a got effect on me now.

Laws here are so difficult..I can't take my son to India at my parents home without my husband's consent and if I go for seperation custody will be granted to both parents which means a small baby will be divided between two parents that is he will be with me for half week and rest of the week with dad plus I dont have any source of income..mmy mother in law and husband are so cruel.I am so scared of them it's effecting my health but they are so stubborn.no change in their behaviour.

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Guest kaur princess

Desi households are usually dominated and run by mothers its a matricahal system.

So in order for the daughter in law to be accepted she needs to blend in within the family rules and norms otherwise she will be rejected by the mother in law and the females of the other household.

If the daughter in law wants to have a happy life she needs to blend in with the family or live apart with her husband the choice is entirely hers and her husbands.

 

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