Miss

[Guest M Kaur]

I need some advice please. I am getting married in May next year. We have booked the gurdwara and are now deciding on the reception. Initially I have always thought to myself I wouldn’t mind not having a reception, this is just because I don’t like too much fuss (and don’t understand why I would spend so much on feeding people I am not necessarily close with). But as the wedding talk has started, now I am getting excited and have thought actually I don’t want to miss out and regret not having a reception, instead we could have a smaller reception and invite close family and friends only. The problem is of course this is not just up to me and my fiancé, now two sets of parents are involved! My father is quite traditional, he straightaway said I am not doing a reception, we are providing nice lunch at the Gurdwara and the grooms side can do what they want. I thought it was unfair for him to write it off straight away but I do understand as traditionally the grooms side pay for the reception? Then my fiancé’s parents came over couple weekends ago and said they definitely want a reception and suggested we can go half and half, so instead of langar at the gurdwara we go straight to the venue for lunch. At that time my dad did not say anything, but since then we have been arguing at home about what to do. If we have a reception, I don’t want a lunchtime one as i think they are too rushed as the doli will need to be done after. But if we do a reception in the evening or next day, we will be paying for the lunch at gurdwara and paying towards the reception (i would help of course, not letting my dad pay for everything). Because of this me and my partner have been arguing so much as we haven’t come to a decision. He’s saying if we don’t want a reception, they will have one but we will only be able to bring limited people, which is fair but I wouldn’t be happy if my family can’t be there. 

The other option is no reception at all, lunch at the gurdwara from us and then the doli. 

I feel like I am being pulled in different directions, I want to ensure everyone is happy and my fiancé and I are happy too but this doesn’t seem to be happening at the moment. I don’t think I have ever been so stressed when this is meant to be a happy time!

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Not2Cool2Argue 606]

I think ur fiancee is right. Let them pay for everything. And u can bring limited ppl.And u can take ur mom and siblings. Invite ur dad but if he does not want to come too bad. 

You can also pay for every family memeber that comes from ur side. You can pay 100 per each or how much ever for them.

Or say like i will pay 1/5 of the price if i am allowed to bring 20.ppl. 

 

[jkvlondon 5,645]

look Have langar and have full blessings from Guru ji , if your in-laws are so hot on a reception they can pay for it in full it is after all their responsibility . It is unfair to force your Dad to shell out for sharab etc for people you don't know as you said . And sikhi wise it is bad form to pressure the girl's side to host larger  numbers than they are comfortable  with .

As many Mums say 'Wanting is not getting' ...frankly you have stated what you feel and I would keep that in mind along with honouring your folks wishes as it is their culmination of your upbringing . if they want to keep it simple and dharmic on the day , great then you can have the time you need to do bidhaai . Have an evening reception  everybody would still be around and chilled out as they would have time to change etc.

frankly if you are bringing  a handful of people it seems petty of you inlaws to be charging  but hey ho different strokes for different folks

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

7 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

look Have langar and have full blessings from Guru ji , if your in-laws are so hot on a reception they can pay for it in full it is after all their responsibility . It is unfair to force your Dad to shell out for sharab etc for people you don't know as you said . And sikhi wise it is bad form to pressure the girl's side to host larger  numbers than they are comfortable  with .

As many Mums say 'Wanting is not getting' ...frankly you have stated what you feel and I would keep that in mind along with honouring your folks wishes as it is their culmination of your upbringing . if they want to keep it simple and dharmic on the day , great then you can have the time you need to do bidhaai . Have an evening reception  everybody would still be around and chilled out as they would have time to change etc.

frankly if you are bringing  a handful of people it seems petty of you inlaws to be charging  but hey ho different strokes for different folks

^ I agree with this post 100%. 

6 hours ago, lostconfussedsingh said:

I don't know why people like to choose big halls venues etc. The original poster is right about wasting money on people she doesn't know.

 

If it was up to me i would just get myself married with just 4 lavan de paath done and not invite anyone as the look would shock and suprise everyone lol.

 

I don't really like many of my relatives so thats why i said this. Also my massi said to me that oh no one will come to your wedding. And so did my dad.

 

Plus all weddings are the same as once you see one you have seen them all.

Thats pretty sad. Why will no-one come to your wedding? If its personal choice and you don't want anyone to come to your wedding then fair enough but why wouldn't anyone want to come to your wedding?

VJKK VJKF

[Guest Kaur 2]

VJKK VJKF

48 minutes ago, lostconfussedsingh said:

Thanks sister for replying what happened back then was that a certain relative said something unpleasent trying to be funny which i found offensive a lot. So as i have ptsd depression those words kept playing in my thoughts that i still hate that person untill now.

 

So anyway long story short it was that person's wedding which i begged my mum not to take me there a lot but she foreced me so at my massi's home. I said to her as i was annoyed a lot as i didn't want to go that in punjabi "that do think i want to go there and that its only my body that is here etc". She replied which i didn't like in punjabi "oh nobody will come to your wedding". 

 

I felt so shocked by this remark and comment. 

 

Recently she came to our home and when i am annoyed or don't like someone rather than looking at the face eyes i look at the neck and imagine how it would look if sliced right off due to the vids i have been watching.

 

So i was looking at her neck when she came to our home.

 

Once even my dad said no one will come to your wedding. 

 

This is the way how everyone looks at me at home and relatives and treat me. 

 

It is sad yes but i don't feel like going or seeing anyone any more cos i have too many bitter meomrys.

 

So if people found out about my ptsd depression they will laugh and have a field day. 

 

Ohh.. Don't worry about it too much. I know how hard it must be for you, hearing all that from your own family members. Keep in mind one thing, regardless if no-one comes to your wedding, Guru Ji will be there 100%. So don't worry about it, because your secret weapon is Sikhi. You will always have Vaheguru on your side, so what is the need for any worry? I know I might sound pathet1c to you but thats the truth. I really do empathise with you bro, hearing sh1t like that from close family its tough, I have been there 1 too many times, but then I learnt to keep my mouth shut and if I dont agree with something then its a matter of in through one ear and then out the other. Personally, I'm not a stressed out type of person, I am very laid back and chilled (which is why I mostly get told off all the time) so I don't care what people say about me because they are just mocking themselves but everyone's different I suppose. I hope your ptsd despression gets better, and everything that happens in your family too gets better. Just so you know, I do understand the way you feel, and I am here for you. Just say if you need any help or reassurance. 

VJKK VJKF