Problem

[Guest PSM]

hello everyone

I am really going through bad phase in life, two years I had bad break up and I have not come out of it yet, instead I started drinking regular  and doing all the bad things that guru ji prohibits us to do. How do I come out of this ? How do I forget her ? I though of marrying but not sure, plus i am putting up lot of weight due to no exercise, drinking.

 

I try to reason with god that it's hukam but at last I human and I have my breaking point and question him why god did this with me. I sometimes cry that few years back i used to do nitnem go to gurudwara do sewa but now its been months i have not gone to gurudwara and slowly turning into a atheist.

 

Would appreciate some advice.

Sat sri akal

[Guest Lola]

This story breaks my heart. If you really loved her can you not try get her back. Also start focusing on getting back in shape and cutting down the alcohol. If you don’t mind me asking what lead to the breakup? 

[T_Singh 16]

Hello

Firstly you really need get out of the house go out with friends and take up some sport hobby.  Meet up with friends (positive friends that will have a good effect on you and your Jeevan) if you feel you need to talk to someone talk to a specialist in this field.  Do ardaas to Satguru Guru Granth Sahib Jee.  In time you will move on just remember Guru sahib tell us to not have attachment to things and people.  If you are Amrithdhaari you should also go pesh for any galti and the advise.  

Hope this helps and hope you get better.  

[Guest Be happy]

On 6/15/2019 at 10:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

hello everyone

I am really going through bad phase in life, two years I had bad break up and I have not come out of it yet, instead I started drinking regular  and doing all the bad things that guru ji prohibits us to do. How do I come out of this ? How do I forget her ? I though of marrying but not sure, plus i am putting up lot of weight due to no exercise, drinking.

 

I try to reason with god that it's hukam but at last I human and I have my breaking point and question him why god did this with me. I sometimes cry that few years back i used to do nitnem go to gurudwara do sewa but now its been months i have not gone to gurudwara and slowly turning into a atheist.

 

Would appreciate some advice.

Sat sri akal

Perhaps try therapy. Try being grateful for what you have too. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of people living in poverty and in a bad state so being grateful and accepting it could be worse is a good place to start. 

Ive had a few breakups, Everyone has, but you need to get  back up, keep moving and get on with life.

It may seem as if you may never be happy again, but you can be, you need to make it happen.

[Guest guest]

you need to have HUMILITY and ACCEPT that that relationship is over, that partner is not interested etc and hence let it go.  ask God to help you do this. 

life is easy if you have HUMILITY.

 

[Guest Rondhoo]

On 6/15/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

hello everyone

I am really going through bad phase in life, two years I had bad break up and I have not come out of it yet, instead I started drinking regular  and doing all the bad things that guru ji prohibits us to do. How do I come out of this ? How do I forget her ? I though of marrying but not sure, plus i am putting up lot of weight due to no exercise, drinking.

 

I try to reason with god that it's hukam but at last I human and I have my breaking point and question him why god did this with me. I sometimes cry that few years back i used to do nitnem go to gurudwara do sewa but now its been months i have not gone to gurudwara and slowly turning into a atheist.

 

Would appreciate some advice.

Sat sri akal

Once you accept your mistakes and truly regret what you’ve done, you can rest assured the Source will send you some help. Be ready to receive it graciously.  The Source is aware of your suffering and is listening to your heartache 24/7. You are not on your own, He is with you.  Everything is going to be sorted out in good time, be patient. You can lose weight with eating very low carb diet and plenty of H2O. Try to get some exercise, such as spinning or boating.  

Listen to me, there is no way you can reason with the Source. The Source is beyond reason.  All you need is faith in Him. Work on your faith and believe deeply within your soul that He is always there by your side and cuddling you with His enormous arms and gigantic Heart. Please don’t lose hope. He/The Source is omnipresent and within and with you always. Don’t lose heart.

Please, don’t turn atheist, retrieve your faith in Him again and urge Him from the bottom of your very being to take you under His Wings again. Please be patient.  

Start going to the Gurridwara and have heart to heart conversation with Him. He is sitting there and waiting for you to come to Him and open your heart. He/The Source is very loving, very kind, overflowing with compassion, forgiveness and plenty more.  Please don’t abandon Him. 

Go back.

[TinnkerBell 40]

Bai ji you will just get good suggestions here,  the only thing that can change you is You yourself 

[RajKaregaKhalsa1 327]

On 6/15/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

hello everyone

I am really going through bad phase in life, two years I had bad break up and I have not come out of it yet, instead I started drinking regular  and doing all the bad things that guru ji prohibits us to do. How do I come out of this ? How do I forget her ? I though of marrying but not sure, plus i am putting up lot of weight due to no exercise, drinking.

 

।ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖ਼ਾਲਸਾ।।ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫ਼ਤਹਿ।

Bhai Sahib, we need to understand that Guru Sahib has told us that we shouldn't have Moh (attachment) because we the person we are attached to goes, we break. If we put hopes in those that can leave us at anytime, we will break. However, if we put our hopes in the eternal Abinaasee (indestructible) Vaheguru, then even if we fail, we still have our support (Vaheguru) to fall back on and we won't break. This is the first step.

Secondly, on to the question why this occurance happened. Remember nothing is our hands. We have no power but Vaheguru does. He can change us instantly. The reason why you may be feeling pain is due to our past Karams (actions) and because of them we feel pain. But understand that this Dukh (pain) is not bad, it's a gift from Vaheguru.

ਕੇਤਿਆ ਦੂਖ ਭੂਖ ਸਦ ਮਾਰ॥

So many endure distress, deprivation and constant abuse.

ਏਹਿ ਭਿ ਦਾਤਿ ਤੇਰੀ ਦਾਤਾਰ॥

Even these are Your Gifts, O Great Giver!

Why is pain a gift?

Because Maharaj states:

ਦੁਖੁ ਦਾਰੂ ਸੁਖੁ ਰੋਗੁ ਭਇਆਜਾ ਸੁਖੁ ਤਾਮਿ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥

Suffering is the medicine, and pleasure the disease, because where there is pleasure, there is no desire for God.

When we are happy, we forget Vaheguru and our purpose for coming onto this Earth: to connect and experience and join with Vaheguru ji. This Dukh has made your remember Vaheguru and because of that you will feel Sukhi (happy). Let go of your attachment and accept this scenario as sweet.

When Dhan Guru Arjan Dev ji Maharaj was being burnt on the hot plate with burning hot sand being put on their back, they had that coolness inside and showed us how to accept Hukam. They said: 

ਤੇਰਾ ਕੀਆ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਗੈ ॥

Your actions seem so sweet to me.

ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਨਾਨਕੁਮਾਂਗੈ ॥੨॥੪੨॥੯੩॥

Nanak begs for the treasure of the Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||2||42||93||

On 6/15/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

I try to reason with god that it's hukam but at last I human and I have my breaking point and question him why god did this with me.

One more thing to remember. Vaheguru always does good for us.

ਤੁਮ ਕਰਹੁ ਭਲਾ ਹਮ ਭਲੋਨ ਜਾਨਹ ਤੁਮ ਸਦਾ ਸਦਾਦਇਆਲਾ ॥

You do good for us, but we do not see it as good; You are kind and compassionate, forever and ever.

ਤੁਮ ਸੁਖਦਾਈ ਪੁਰਖ ਬਿਧਾਤੇਤੁਮ ਰਾਖਹੁ ਅਪੁਨੇ ਬਾਲਾ ॥੩॥

You are the Giver of peace, the Primal Lord, the Architect of Destiny; please, save us, Your children! ||3||

We don't know what good is. We think it is having material pleasure, having nice food etc. But we don't understand that the real pleasure is that of Naam and Gurbani. (Don't think I'm some Brahmgiani by the way, I also need to take away a lot from this). 

On 6/15/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

used to do nitnem go to gurudwara do sewa but now its been months 

Look Bhai Sahib, your heart is still reminding you of Guru Sahib. That's what your heart wants because you felt happy in Guru Sahib's Sharan. This thought is Guru Nanak Dev ji Maharaaj's call for to come back to him. It is your choice to go but please get rid of alcohol and these bad things. How can we ask Vaheguru to help us if we are that state of Paap.

Don't lose hope thought he will help us. Do an Ardaas with love. What does that mean? It means that every word you say comes from your heart. When you say Arjan Hargobind, remember the Sakhis, remember how great our Guru's are.

On 6/15/2019 at 8:54 PM, Guest PSM said:

i have not gone to gurudwara and slowly turning into a atheist.

Watch Basics of Sikhi, practice Sikhi yourself and read books by Gurmukh Pyare like Se Kinehiya, Autobiography of Bhai Sahib Bhai Randhir Singh ji, Autobiography of Bhai Rama Singh ji. Just by looking at their Jeevan, we see the Preetam Pyare Vaheguru ji and Guru Maharaj have showered upon them.

Please forgive me of any mistakes that I have made.

Daas Khima da jachak hai,

।ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖ਼ਾਲਸਾ।।ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫ਼ਤਹਿ।

[Guest Where is Harsharan]

Where did Harsharan Ji go? 

 

He used to come on this forum so often 

[MisterrSingh 3,609]

No one's worth harmfully affecting your equilibrium to this extent. Extract the lesson that needs to be learned from this experience; use it to make you wiser and stronger, and move on. Don't fall for the destructive dramatics pushed by entertainment industries and the media. I can guarantee you the ex object of your affection isn't moping around succumbing to grief and questioning her reality, lol.

As harsh as it may sound, why expend so much mental energy for someone who doesn't want you? In the years you've pined for her, or at least mourned the relationship, has she been in touch? No, course not. She's moved on. In fact, I'd say she's portraying more of a masculine, resolute approach to this than OP.

Make up your mind to move on and mentally discard the memories of the relationship, and get to fixing the truly important things, such as your health and mending your religious and spiritual ties. Always look at the bigger picture which means looking at your life with a critical eye from a distance. Don't spend too much time in your own head. Good luck.

[BhForce 1,145]

On 7/30/2019 at 3:00 AM, Guest Lola said:

This story breaks my heart. If you really loved her can you not try get her back.

No, man, are you kidding? How is he supposed to "get her back"? Is she parked at a Rent-A-Car and you can just "go back" and drive her off?

She obviously hasn't thought of him at all in two full years. Now he's supposed to disattach her from whoever she's hooked up with?

On 7/30/2019 at 3:00 AM, Guest Lola said:

If you don’t mind me asking what lead to the breakup? 

Dating is what led up to it.

Dating is where you pretend you're married, but you're not.

So you're free to think sexual thoughts about other people and yet if you do then the other person will get mad at you, but you still aren't bound because you're not married.

It's a recipe for disaster, which is shown in the OP's post.