Sister-in-law believes pakhandi babe and pandit

[Guest Gupt sad]

Sat Sri Akal everyone,

I'm writing to you all because the situation at home is now unbearable.

My elder brother was married to a girl, it didn't go on well between the two and they got a divorce.

My younger brother got married to a girl (from India) and she came at home abroad just a year ago.

The issue is that she, and her mother, go to pandits and pakhandi babe. We did not know that. Any issue happens, they go see the pandit, someone fell off the scooter --> they go ask the pandit why.

And whatever the pandit says (put a coconut during 9 days in some place etc, avoid eating garlic etc) they listen.

My sis in law suffered from some allergy, doctors have not been able to find out the cause, but their pandit did ! He says that my parents are not good and this explains why my elder brother got a divorce etc.

We try not to get involved in my brother and her matters so that she doesn't think we don't support her or whatever.

Yet she blames my parents for not being able to do whatever she wants at home (because we all live together) etc.

Basically she wants my brother and her to live appart. That's okay, my parents will accept that, if it makes them happy.

The issue is that she won't stop believing babe, anything happens she'll blame us for not listening to what the baba warned her about (for example : we cook with garlic, next day she has allergy (without even eating the garlic dish, or even touching it) she'll blame us).

I'm afraid that when she and my brother will have children, she'll start refraining them to wearing some colours, or doing stuff (she won't let her niece wear red colour (??) Because baba said it makes her angry).

Please, how to arrange things while keeping their relationships safe ?

My brother is stuck in the middle, he does not want to separate because it'd hurt my parents to listen to 'lok kya kahenge' that no girl wants to live with their sons etc.

My sis in law's mother and dad blindfoldedly believe pandits and spend half their money on them.

 

[MisterrSingh]

Stop marrying these Punjabans and shipping them over to the West. There's no excuse for it in this day and age. You're not getting an obedient, dutiful, demure female from over there. They don't respect Western born guys unless they're complete goundeh, in which case they bring a who!e new set of problems to the table. The common religion between the two parties is a misleading trait. It's irrelevant. Cultural values and upbringing is where it's at.

Baba and dera culture has spiralled out of control in Punjab. It's a miracle to find a family that isn't into this stuff. Your brother needs to make her see sense. He needs to lead and be worth following. He needs to stop hiding behind mummy and daddy, and grow a pair so that the wife's previous beliefs, whatever they are, she willingly discards in favour of her husband's values. A woman automatically does this when she perceives her man is worth deferring to. If she's playing up, she's detected a weakness, and she's exploiting it.

So the problem of her running around after pandits is irrelevant. The issue is that your brother has been unable to put an end to this bukwaas for the sake of stabilising his married life and home. That's his fault.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

On 9/30/2022 at 4:59 AM, Guest Gupt sad said:

 

I'm afraid that when she and my brother will have children, she'll start refraining them to wearing some colours, or doing stuff (she won't let her niece wear red colour (??) Because baba said it makes her angry).

 

 

Don't worry about the children. As a respected and fun uncle you will have more influence on them than their mother and her superstitious beliefs. Also the kids will be growing up in the west, attending gurudware which will make then more like us westerners. Also when hanging out with the future kids you can build tolerance in them by inocukating them against the pandit stuff. Like pandits think they can predict human behavior from planets that is the fake study of astrology. Don't disparage the mom though when discussing these things. Just say our Gurus have taken us out of this mess of fear and connected us directly with the source. And say we are lucky to be born in the age of science. We can look for explanations etc

Keep the peace in the family. Your brother does need to speak up. But the rest of the family should not. So just let it be. We don't need broken homes or high divorce rates in the community. Sabar is a good quality. Let the mother do the hard work of nurturing the kids. Then you take over the kids mental, spiritual education.  Also don't teach the kids to go against the mother.  Teach the kids to humor her.  Like she wants you to wear a red thread on Tuesdays, how funny.  Try it kids what's the harm its useless.  

Panjabis are our biggest asset.  They are good at making money and having kids.  Most of us in the west ain't getting married or have depression or 1 kids max before we done because we have lame jobs or are not willing to work hard.   Let the panjabis multiply, we can recruit kids from that during camps etc

[T_Singh]

Maybe your brother should explain the basic foundations of Sikhi to her? 

Explain to her that we only believe in Vaaheguru, the ten Guru Sahiban and Siri Guru Granth Sahib Jee and all the guidance we need in our life in Guru Sahibs baani.  Explain to her that for a Sikh we only turn to Guru Jee for guidance and going to pandits, babe etc is out of Gurmat and is manmat.  If that don’t work (as sometimes when families explain things people at times tend to not take it as serious) there’s loads of videos on YouTube Basics of Sikhi channel Gurmat Bibek channel etc. you can show her.  
I would also add when or if your brother says it to her he should say it with firm vishvaash in what he says I.e. he should also believe and accept Siri Guru Granth Sahib Jee and follow Guru sahibs hukam.  I would start that conversation (whenever she mentions the pandit again with ‘eh Sikha da kamm nahi ah’ and take it from there.