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Guest penji, because people don't know the full story of your situation, they will only give their opinions on what they read or the scene that has been described. You obviously know what you are going through. Even if you do have insecurities, you should not keep them hidden. You need to talk to your husband and explain how you are feeling, without making him take sides. He's not going to leave your mother in law, as she gave birth to him, and your child will do the same and not leave you. You should also go for counselling from the doctor as this is affecting you negatively in your life and at work you may get anxious too. It's not easy, leaving your paternal family and living with in laws that you have not known long, in comparison to the family you were born in for all this years of your life. I understand you are feeling alone and negative thoughts are creeping in. Have you had your health check up after the birth? Just get them also done to make sure you are not getting low mood or depressive symptoms due to any deficiency. Get your vitamin D studies and vitamin B12 done also. Is there any mother baby support group in your area? Do your doctors offer any support or advice to new baby mothers? Hormones can also play a part in insecurities, anxiety, and fears. So get them checked too. Give your mother in law a chance to bond with the baby too, whilst you are at work. Sit with them, and then you won't worry about anything. But don't pick unwanted faults, and nowadays there are more different methods and ways of bringing up a child when you was younger. So don't let that be the obstacle of you trusting your mother in law. She would only have his best interests at heart. As long as he gets love and care, that's what matters, then your soul will be able to relax. Some shabads to help you relax:

While travelling through pakistan i came across these scriptures (pics attached) , can someone help me here with identifying these ? Are these of any historical or spiritual value to Sikhism ? (These are currently not in my possession, but with some Pakistani antique dealer) would it be worth getting these from him ? Any help translating these would be much appreciated !!

I agree. As you mentioned, it's not like their isn't a world of problems going on in Panjab itself. Serious ones. I have some empathy. Maybe he wasn't smart enough to deduce what is expected of fatherhood due to his own absent father? Lack of modelling so to speak. It doesn't happen all the time though, as I know plenty of guys who've grown up without their fathers (for various reasons) who've gone on to become decent, responsible fathers themselves. Or at least as good as anyone else in these times. Could be one of those 'blind leading the blind' situations here? Despite the best intentions, some people's cognitive limitations in perceiving their situations, and the impact of their decisions on others can lead to real strange behaviour that they are genuinely oblivious too. Some people do destructive things out of malice, some people do destructive things because they don't know any better and actually believe they are doing good. Crazy world but is VERY common.

Bhen ji , you child will have better sikh sangat here in the Uk than in India and more chance of learning about sikhi too. Your husband needs to take interest in his duties as a Dad otherwise he is going to never be loved and respected by his son

I dont think u should let ur child be taken away from u. My cousin grew up like that. My mamas son. My nani didnt like living alone so she decided to raise her grandson in america. Whie his parents worked in Canada overtime. The son is closer to the nani nana than his parents. And my nani never disclpined him and let him watch TV all day cuz he was bored with only budhe ppl at home. And eat junk food. Because my nani wanted him to like staying with her. She kind spoiled him. And nana was strict in other ways out of nowhere. But he still turned out better than the second son they raised themselves. The second son has most of his teeth replaced by metal caps due to cavities and is fat. So tell ur husband that a child needs parental love or will not be close to the parents. Invite ur sass to live with u and babysit. Tell her she can take him to india when he is 5 or 6. Hes too young now.He will get sick due to india germs being different than here in the west. Also do shabads poota mata ki asses. Dukh Bhanjani Sahib can be found in apps and youtube. Also play sukhmani sahib around the child at all times. I really like the one sung which i pasted below. Play it all the time. Good Luck. Stay positive and happy thoughts!

That's not right. In that case you should be in your husband's ear to convince him of your feelings on this issue. But do it with diplomacy and without burning bridges. Festering away on the sidelines isn't helping anyone. I apologise if I may have seemed harsh previously.

Lol.

I am the mother of four kids , and my in-laws are from a totally different culture and mentality , they have tried their utmost to break up and interfere in our family life , and even 21 years on they haven't changed . I can see a first time Mum struggling with the idea of going back to work first of all , then a girl who is unsure of her husband's love ...a tip from my own life , if you have a loving family member willing to look after your little one you can be relaxed about the nightmare scenarios that play in your head plus it will be much more enriching for all involved . I was working in the city at the time so I can relate . I was lucky that we lived near my Mum when I had my first but when I had my twins we had moved far away and so know how I was too worried to leave them as infants with a stranger (that was one of the cons on my list apart from the cost and the possibility of them picking up bad habits from others). Another plus with your MIL looking after little one is you can tell her to expose baby to kirtan and gurbani rather than nursery rhymes and silly tv programmes and she will not mind if you ask about fine details of the day unlike a paid sitter. The thing with marriage is this- you set the tone , if you are submissive and weak your partner will get used to that and run things to his benefit only , and you will be dissatisfied because you will feel unheard. Kaurs are meant to speak up if something is wrong and if you cannot do this with the person you are supposed to be partners with you will end up creating a situation where he thinks everything's is hunky dory until you explode and then he thinks wow she's crazy what did I do that was so bad ? Sure it will be out of your comfort zone to speak up initially but with time the truth shared will allow both of you to be closer and understand each other . Judging from his ideas he really hasn't got the concept in his head just how stressed you are about being away from your child - you need to talk to him and set him straight . Maybe this will help him be more aware and sympathetic . Anyway life is what you make of it , if you forget Gurbani and Guru Pita ji's sikhiya it can make it unsurmontable but if you remember and keep Guru Pita ji's advice in your mind and heart life's troubles will not get to you . Maybe you need to recite 'Ja tu mere val hai , ta keha mushande' on a daily basis to build up that understanding. p.s. you didn't decide to become a mother as a favour to your husband or his Mother ,Guru ji blessed you with a child ...get the attitude straight for your own sake -gratitude always, haumai never

Talk to your husband and discuss these issues with him. It seems you have an irrational dislike for your husband's mother, and wish to sideline her in favour of your own parents. I'm guessing you would like to isolate her from her son rendering her powerless and your husband floundering making him easier to control (moreso considering she doesn't have a husband to physically and emotionally support her) whilst simultaneously "promoting" your parents to the role of primary grandparents, which you seem to think will provide you with an upper hand and greater leverage in family power plays. I think you'd like to enact your own sphere of control and dominance, and your husband's mother is the last obstacle inbetween such a policy coming to fruition. It is unfortunate your mind works in such ways; expending mental energy in worthless and imaginary battles that serve no purpose aside from creating discord and hurt feelings but I cannot say I'm surprised. It hasn't occured to you to show affection and emotional solidarity to your husband in order to convince him that he has a wife with whom he can share his burdens (yes, children are beget between people who can barely tolerate each other). Instead you've passively aggressively shown him that you resent the one person that's been a constant in his life since his childhood. Yet you wonder why this problem exists in the first place.

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Something similar happened with me too penji. When our grandmother passed away, I heard some faint music coming from the room that Maharaj ji was in after they left. It was very faint and sounded like a radio like sound. But when going into the room, it still was there, but no sign of where it was coming from and then it stopped. It wasn't outside either, as I opened the window and nothing. Then a month after in conversatio, another family member said the same thing, that a sound came from the room but there was no origin of it, it was a mystery. What does this mean?

I went through similar loneliness when my father passed , although everyone said he'd gone home (including avasta wale) I couldn't process that small niggling doubt despite the things I saw and heard the night he died , also on his funeral . It only came when I hit my lowest point with my in-laws and just rejected everything of life mentally , I was surrounded by the shabad kirtan that I had last heard as a small kid from His LPs like someone had switched on a radio , no one else could hear it , then I realised his message that he was home , that I needed to tend to my sikhi and to not lose hope . Messages come in all forms.

agreed....and with Barik also .....my understanding is that we should lead a life of balance...and tolerance..... i became vegetarian in my teens, then i got married to a non-vegetarian sikh who taught me a lot more of gurbani than i knew.....i then had amrit....but my spouse has not yet - so am i not a sikh? I have not and never will force my views on them...we are all at different levels of understanding and should tolerate all whose understanding differs from ours rather than treat them as above or below ourselves. so all you guys need to get balanced views........from all your comments it looks like I am not a sikh anymore

No worries bruv. Especially as you asked so politely. Its the Daya Singh Rahit Nama (Rehat Maryada) of the late 18th Century that states that any Sikh that learns or studies Persian is a tanakhahia. It also says never ever trust a clean shaven man and....never trust a hillman (people who live in the hills) It is the very earliest Rehat Maryada (Prem Sumarg) that states that all Sikh women must have the surname Devi. Some others: It is the Chaupa Singh Rahit Nama that says a Sikh must shun any women who belongs to a different caste as him. It also says a Sikh must greet the sun in the morning with a Namaste and likewise the moon in the evening. That Maryada also says a Sikh must never put out a fire with water left over after drinking. It is the Desa Singh Maryada that clearly says a Sikh must never use tobacco or alcohol but it is perfectly OK for him to use Opium (heroin) and cannabis. So, like I said, old men making rules over the years and always adding the rule that it is wrong and a sin to question their authority or religious knowledge. Mere mortals (men) have been getting our Guru's message wrong from the very beginning. It would be very wrong of us to assume the current ones have got it right. btw....the Chaupa Singh Rahit Nama, interestingly, also states that a Sikh must never cut down a tree so they didn't always get it so wrong.