Need Some Answers! Please :)

[LailaJan]

Sat Shri Akaal and Hi to everyone. I have newly registered for hope of some of my questions to be answered.

My fiance is Punjabi Sikh and I am american. I know a lot about sikhism (not all of course) but i love the ideas and I am fully open to it. I just consider myself Indian at heart, I think I was born in the wrong country! Anyway, I never had strong convictions in religion until I started exploring Sikhism, so it is becoming very important to me. Do i technically need to "convert" to Sikhism or can I just proclaim it my own religion... is there any special actions besides following the Sikh ways that i need to do to become Sikh?

Also, My fiance is in India at the moment and a question arose in my mind just today, when we become married will my last name just automatically become Kaur, or will I take Singh? I am a bit confused and we have not even thought about that, atleast I haven't until this morning when I awoke! heh I image living in america (until we move to India) there may be some problems with legal last names and documents... ?

So please anyone with some information for me, Help! Thanks

[Gupt daasan daas]

there is the process of getting naam from guru je, which is amrit sanchaar

affter taking amrit, u become a sikh of guru je

and ure name will be kaur bhenjee

bhula chuka maf

[Heera Singh]

well if he's amritdhari ... then ur gonna HAVE to convert no questions asked... meaning go through the actual amrit sanchar ceremony... if he's NOT amritdhari... then i dunno... some people would say u still have to go through it... but the thing is, if u DO take amrit, then he would also haev to take amrit.. and i'm not sure if ur both ready for that step (considering he's not amritdhari rite now)... if he's not.. then i think i's okay if u wanna 'be sikh at heart' i guess.. i know a lot of punjabi peepz who have married outside the religion... and they weren't amritdhari when they did so... but the thing they really wanted to do was still have a sikh wedding ... so i dunno.... i guess u do what feels rite to u...

maybe u can be more specific about both ur spiritual sides..?? i.e. is he amritdhari..?... if he's not.. is he plannin on takin it any time soon?.... would u be willin to take it?... etc...

[G-Kaur]

Take it slowly. Dont rush into doing anything, read Gurbani (words from the Sikh holy scripture) as much as possible and strengthen your soul. We fight against our souls everyday, and it's not easy, so be worthy of initiation through reading and learning more, your fiancee will help you with this.

As for your last name, well most Sikh women have Kaur as their last name even if they are not initiated formally into the faith (by taking Amrit), so it's your choice. They rarely have the last name Singh as this was given to the males by our 10th Guru.

I wish you the best and pray you are blessed with the holy gift of Amrit.

[Pheena]

Sat Shri Akaal and Hi to everyone. I have newly registered for hope of some of my questions to be answered. 

    My fiance is Punjabi Sikh and I am american. I know a lot about sikhism (not all of course) but i love the ideas and I am fully open to it. I just consider myself Indian at heart, I think I was born in the wrong country! Anyway, I never had strong convictions in religion until I started exploring Sikhism, so it is becoming very important to me. Do i technically need to "convert" to Sikhism or can I just proclaim it my own religion... is there any special actions besides following the Sikh ways that i need to do to become Sikh?

Firstly, In my Opinion, Convertism is not a part of Sikhi, Sikhi of Guru Nanak dev ji is not concerned about simply comvertism that we see in Islam and Christianity, rather the focus is on the Love and Surrender of the individual towards God/Guru. The message of the Guru Granth Sahib is not limited to the "Baptised" or Amritdharis. It is for you as much as it is for the Amritdharis. Learn to Love the Message then to whom the message is pointing towards. Be not worried about converting in the beginning. As Gkaur said, Dont Rush into doing anything. There are 4 doors located in Harmandir Sahib (The Golden Temple) for a reason, that anyone from all 4 direction irrespective of race, religion, crred, sex is Welcome in the house of Guru Nanak.

My advise to you is that you read the Book by Osho, "The True Name" (there are 2 volumes) which in my biased opinion is one of the most beautifull books written on the Japji Sahib (the first words Guru Nanak dev ji spoke to the world contained in 36 pauris (steps)). The book cannot be found in teh US. Since your Fiance is in India, ask him to bring the Book.

You must know what exactly you are getting yourself into. It is not only being initiated into the Path of the Khalsa, but also it requries you to change your Life in a manner that can be overwhelming to those who are not ready for such a drastic change. I do not mean to scare you of Taking Amrit, but i am simply trying to let you know that you must truely understand the true essence of taking Amrit before you commit yourself to the way of Rehat and Sikhi.

[Balait_da_Sher]

As much as i like to see the number of amritdhari sikhs increase, i think that Amrit isnt the answer to questions such as these. If you want to become a sikh then the first step is to accept Guru Granth sahib jee as your Guru, who will guide you to the path of sikhi.

Once you have established that student, teacher relationship with Guruji, follow the teachings to the best of ur abilities and you will be a sikh.

Sikhi is a highly personal path to enlightnment and only Guru can help you along.

Do i technically need to "convert" to Sikhism or can I just proclaim it my own religion... is there any special actions besides following the Sikh ways that i need to do to become Sikh?

I suppose since you are exploring sikhi, once you get to a stage where you know you want to follow the teachings of sikhi because you want to, not because of ur fiance or anyone else, you can just start calling your self a sikh.

[Akaali]

You must know what exactly you are getting yourself into. It is not only being initiated into the Path of the Khalsa, but also it requries you to change your Life in a manner that can be overwhelming to those who are not ready for such a drastic change. I do not mean to scare you of Taking Amrit, but i am simply trying to let you know that you must truely understand the true essence of taking Amrit before you commit yourself to the way of Rehat and Sikhi.

I respect that.

You can't just accept Guru Granth Sahib ji as your Guru, you must also accept Guru Gobind Singh ji maharaj as your Guru.

You are not a Sikh if you beleive in the teachings of 6 Gurus, you are a Sikh if you beleive in the teachings of all 10 Gurus (nothing to debate).

If one has not taken amrit then your view might be that you're a Sikh if you do naam japna, kirt karni, and vand ke chakna, which was the order of Guru Nanak Dev ji. The order of Guru Gobind Singh ji is to learn about and accept amrit. You must follow both of these orders in order to be a Sikh. Otherwise you are part-time like many in the world.

If you don't consider Guru Gobind Singh ji as your Guru, you are not a Sikh. Therefore you must understand the meaning of Amrit and the Amrit Sanchaar (ceremony), and then take amrit, its a crucial step in one's life and to be accepted in the Sikh kaum you have to go through the amrit sanchar.

[LailaJan]

Thank you to everyone who answered i have read it all and will go through the answers again as well. Just to let you know also, my fiancee has not taken Amrit. So I suppose it makes our situation a little bit easier, and since i am still learning and he is too (his family is not too religious actually) so he and i have been going more deep into the religion and discussing things. But we both do believe in the teachings of all 10 Gurus. I cannot wait to learn Punjabi and fully understand the language to better my learning. And when i am willing I would of course take Amrit with him... but I wouldn't want to do it without being fully prepared, which makes sense.

on another note, we are having a problem with his parents accepting me, although I fully believe in the 10 Gurus, all their teachings, i accept Sikhism as my religion also and i am willing to learn more (of course!) they do not want him to marry an american girl. which is a whole nother topic in itself huh, since in Sikhism it should Not matter whether I am american or anything, as long as Sikhism is my faith...

I suppose that is what happens when you dont fully follow your religion, you bend the rules of religion but they dont bend the rules of tradition. it breaks my heart to be judged when they do not even know me....

Kind of like a Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Ghum thing going on....It's tough!!

[LailaJan]

As for your last name, well most Sikh women have Kaur as their last name even if they are not initiated formally into the faith (by taking Amrit), so it's your choice. They rarely have the last name Singh as this was given to the males by our 10th Guru.

Oh yes , also... I was wondering why is it that some women actually do have the last night of Singh.... i have seen some actresses, as well as a few women in my area with Singh as their surname...

Someone told me i would have to pay 150 dollars to change my surname to Kaur when I am married. it's so confusing, i guess i should actually ask someone who knows..

[Heera Singh]

some men have their actual last name as SINGH.. so its jes like takin his last name as ur own... i too have seen somethin like 'harpreet kaur singh' or something...but i guess to make it easier jes keep it as kaur.. or if he uses somethin as his last name and u chose to take that... that could be used as well.. jes have kaur as ur middle name if u choose...