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i have a really bad situation

i basically dont know what to do anymore, and expecially if your a girl ..

im in a relationship with a guy, we both are into sikhi, we love each other very much and want to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

the only problem is our parents. they both are into caste but i think his parents will agree, my parents will NEVER ever agree on this. i dont know what to do anymore!

along the way we made many bad mistakes we shouldnt have and took that extra step away from sikhi which we both know was wrong, and we are ready to go for peshi, but as of now our parents dont know, and i dont want to bring them down further in this. They have no idea what we have did and done.

I dont want to leave my parents, basically my whole family, but i dont want to leave him either. Especially it will not be fair for the second guy who comes in if i choose my parents. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to hurt my parents, i dont want to hurt him, what should be done ?? Someone told me to get someone involved who can explain to my parents the problem but the problem is that they will NEVER agree i know that for a fact. When they find out they will just tell me to leave, and plus there arnt many sikhs in this area and no one in our famiily that will be able to help, so i dont know ..

any advice anyone ????

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Bhenji ,

I personally think you should get his parents and your parents to talk if not then if you are of age you should leave. I mean there's no other way especially since you guys have taken that extra step away from sikhi. It won't be fear to the guy you married. So my Advice is take Guruji's hands and marry that Singh. You guys take pesh together and Guru Kirpa Your Parents will Come around.

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Bhenji,

the only thing that makes me say that you guys should get married is that extra step away from sikhi. Do talk to your parents about everything and that step taken. There is nothing in relationships you are never 100% you gonna get married, anything can happen . It might seem like "ohh we gonna be together for ever and ever" kinda thing but there is nothing permanent in this world but your marriage with the one Lord. These might sound harsh but could you leave the relationship you had with parents for all these years for a short term "guy relationship"? If you are meant for each other, you will marry and just leave it to God to take care of everything and let your elders know.

emotional attachment brings pleasure but remember, every pleasure of Maya will later bring sorrow.

Please forgive any thing wrong said.

All the best

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I think the defining point here is that your parents believe in caste. They have absolutely no standing as far as i'm concerned if they also call themselves sikhs. I am sorry to say this, but they deserve to struggle through their judgment.

If it was reasons other than caste, I might say otherwise. Whatever you do, always respect your parents despite their shortcomings. You are an adult, consider this a time for you to be brave and a larger person. Other post re attachment also very well said. Talk to people in relationships for a while and you will get perspective on where you are at.

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yes... i completely agree wit budda singh...

in any case parents do have a say in ur marriage.. HOWEVER.. if they consider themselves sikh (and especially if they're amritdhari) and they won't allow the weddin due to caste... then they have NO right to make a decision for you... that is one'a the stupidest things and it pisses me off so much as well.. (excuse my language)... for this reason, they have NO say in ur marriage... if they don't accept because of caste and will cut of all ties with you over somethin as STUPID as that then sux to be them...

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ok so...

i still dont know what to do.

i need majority to help me. Please give me straight answer. Parents or guy.

Parents meaning i marry that guy and i may or may not tell him because then the whole world will know and my parents may or may not disown me.

Guy, meaning i leave my parents and most of my family will never talk to me, and maybe later we can work on getting everyone back.

which way do i go ...

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Parents:

I believe that your parents always come first.

No matter what a person does it can never pay the debt to his or her parents for bringing him or her into this world and always being there, especially the mother who took care since birth.

I don't say you shouldn't be with the "guy", but with the blessings of your parents. If you have the blessings of your parents you would have the blessings of Guru Ji.

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