Bf/gf Relationships Within Sangat

[Manchester_Sikhi]

Here is a question for you people. I'd like your views on this sort of situation which is common nowadays.

What are your views on boyfriend/girlfriend relationships (assume no sexual relationship)?

It would be wrong for a Amritdhari and a Non-Amtridhari to engage in such activities, but what about two people who are both seeking the same thing..>Amrit...both are on the same point on the path and both feel the same about Sikhi? If they both agreed to get married would this be acceptable (assuming their parents knew about it and agreed too).

This is a common situation amongst us youngster nowadays, espicially in the West.

In this situation, assuming both people had that love for the Guru...or that they both made each become closer to the Guru, would a relationship like this be acceptable?

I agree to some extent with the idea of arranged marriages, letting mom and dad decide...but I also think that we there is something to be said for a slighlty more modern viewpoint on the issue...mom and dad may know more about life but they may be from a previous generation...if the girl and boy both were decent honest people, aiming to both become Amritdhari, is this good thing or bad thing?

And in the eyes of the GuruJi, if they both decided to get married and the parents both agreed....is this good?

To me, as long as the boy and girl are both Sikh and both felt strongly for the Guru and both respected and loved each other then there should not be any issues or problems (providing no sexual relations occur until after marrage).

What do you thing?

[singh_comradz]

some ppl might disagree but i think if thats the case then nothing wrong.

and they can both help each other to achieve the same goal.

all the best though :TH:

[Manchester_Sikhi]

LOL...was it that obvious.. .OK...maybe it was.... :T:

I was just curious anyway to see what other people thought. Its rare you find someone who is able to bring Sikhi and GuruJi into perspective in your life, and espicially without having to even utter a single word about Sikhi...I guess it comes down to GuruJi's will and the company of the Sangant which was missing where I was in life.

Anyway, I would be interested to hear opionions of those who disagree with my argument and why they would disagree.

Thanks!

:TH:

[curious_man]

yo... its very difficult to find the right one.... but if u think he/she respect sikhi...gonna take amrit/is amritdhaari.... then carry on...

guru ji will make way himself... just dont waste time on this...

i m telling ... later if u find he/she is not worth it.... man.... its too much depression...

me stupid gone thru all this!!

[proud_to_be_singhni]

You know its all good...but from experience and whats happening now.....il just let ya know its not easy avoiding the physical side in any relationship, luckily my and his game plan is working thus far with guru jis kirpa...goes without saying!

Say you guys like each other let each other know definately, you don't want to have regrets in life. But let your parents know straight away too about the situation so that sets your boundaries say like some engagement some stamp...lollll as to say...then thas ok your together and in your parents eyes "legally" (lol)...

But to make sure nothing does happen (its kalyug and its age remember!)...give yourselves some distance (come on not the end of the world and put the kleenex tissues away ) and only meet up when there are get togethers for like special days, family events, akhand path..some important times hana...then u can talk and get to know each other more...other than that meeting regularly and leads to too often will take you away from your sikhi..less love with your guru and more thoughts and attention on your bf/gf.

Trust me i knowwwwww what me is talking bout and others may say the same...or may be a little stricter...lollll....

Good luck! iz it paaji?!! Good luck again!

[BCSikhYouth]

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa,

Vaheguru ji ki fatheh!

This is a great post by "Gupt Wannabe Naam Abhiyaasee" from the "Blog for the Seekers of Truth," at abhiyaas.blogspot.com.

It is especially significant for the Sikh youth to read and learn from:

______________________

Bf / Gf Relationships

Creating such relationships is very immoral and immodest thing to do. Perhaps, we see no shame in these things, it is the age of Kal we are standing one leg anyway.

These types of relationships can cause great injury to our personal life and most of all our spiritual life, which we should all be aspiring to improve everyday. One may think that they are committed enough in this relationship, but one is only committed when they are committed to Naam, then everything will shine out and you will be able to discern right from wrong.

Read the Jeevanees of Gursikhs from the olden days, none had a love marriage. Our Guru Saahibaan all had ‘arranged marriage’ (if that’s how you want to put it). A householders life (Gristhee Jeevan) is a very big thing and was encouraged by our Gurus. It will improve our Sangat and Amritvelaa. However, leave this all to your parents. Our parents know us much better than we know ourselves! Of course we will shudder to agree with this statement though. Once a very inquisitive lady asked me, ‘are you having an arranged marriage?’, I said ‘Yes, I will leave it to my parents to decide’. She replied, ‘It is a good thing, I’m on my second husband, things still aren’t going well and I picked them both myself.’ This is not to say that ALL love marriages are wrong, the only true love marriage is to Vahiguroo God. This is the avasthaa of Sunn Samaadh.

Of course, we are Kal Jugee Jeev (mortals of this age) and we are bound to get lustful thoughts at sometime (some people may not, due to karam) but we must suppress these feelings out of our system. How? Simple. Naam.

Infact, do not fight with the mind, you will end up loosing, recognise what is there (in this case lust) and replace it with Vahiguroo.

These relationships drain out our spirituality because firstly, it is simply not in the Sikh Rehat Maryaadaa to do such things and secondly we have not done Anand Kaaraj in front of Guru Granth Sahib Jee. So this relationship has not been made ‘parvaan’ or acceptable in the court of the almighty lord Vahiguroo. There are a lot more things to do in life other than make such worldly entanglements, think about your Parents and repay them for what they have done for you, think about Naam 24 hours 7 days a week and you will fall into love with the greatest thing around, ever and ever.

Aad Sach Jugaad Sach Hai Bhee Sach Nanak Hosee Bhee Sach

Also posted at: http://www.bcsikhyouth.com/2005/12/sikh-dating.html

[proud_to_be_singhni]

yo... its very difficult to find the right one.... but if u think he/she respect sikhi...gonna take amrit/is amritdhaari.... then carry on...

guru ji will make way himself... just dont waste time on this...

i m telling ... later if u find he/she is not worth it.... man.... its too much depression...

me stupid gone thru all this!!

144611[/snapback]

hawww.....!!!!

and you didnt tell your sis...thas just bad pajee

do not worry im hear for ya...we find you a nice wifeee.....Maharaj ji has found someone for us all already and you too...just got to meet that person...how u meet guru ji knows...via parents or not....its all written. vaheguroooooo.

....and pajee tsk tsk

[Balait_da_Sher]

Also Check These Topics out on the same Subject

Do u guys have ne gf/bf?, Some one who's very personal to u.

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=11951&st=0

y are sikh parents strict on relationships, i think its ok

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=11997&st=0

Amritdhari and relationships, why does this happen?

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=8755&st=0

young guys and girls relationship..., ....

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showto...&st=0&p=70271

Gursikhs and Love-Marriage, modern situation for a modern religion

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=2663&st=0

[proud_to_be_singhni]

btw... just had to add that a burjeir kurehit (<<<if thas how u spell it..lolll)

is IF you had sxual.activity with someone other than ur spouse....not if ur just friends with a person with absolute intention of marraige from both parties.

Very important to mention that.

[Manchester_Sikhi]

Thanks for all the replies guys..there is one that stands out by

mann_kaum_layee_qurbaan

(under the link for@ Gursikhs and Love-Marriage, modern situation for a modern religion)

PLEASE READ THAT THREAD EVERYONE.

This is so true...God is Love and Love is God, and its true, the person you marry is the person you are going to spend your whole life with...if we were back in the pend...its not a huge issue..get married and thats it...but times have changed and divorce is such a big thing. There is NO 'forever' marrage anymore within the Western Sikh culture, so I think if you are going to marry someone you have to at least have LOVE for them...otherwise it IS a false marrage with no love.

The reply by BCSikhYouth....I respect your view totally and I do see your point of view. BUT, how do you defend a situation where both parties love each other (and I'm not talking sexual) and both parties have that desire to love the Guru, and both parties KNOW where each stands in relation to the Lord and to eachother.

If the essence of ALL RELIGIONS is LOVE (which it is) then surely finding a partner, loving that partner is no immoral?

Having a close physical relationship IS IMMORAL before marrage, I agree there....but to love someone and care for someone whilst also feeling closer to the Guru, i dont think is such an immoral thing at all.

Secondly...I think sometimes we as human use the idea of karma and destiny a little too much...sure Karma is there...we all know that....but that doesnt mean we just sit there and wait for things to happy in life...it doesnt mean that if i'm sitting in the middle of a road with lots of cars I'll say "OK, God, this is your choice...if I get hit by a car its your choice"...

As someone pointed out, its Gurus Kirpa how things will work out...for me, on a personal level I feel so much closer to the Guru and Sikhi as a whole and I know its because of the influence of someone I met. The relationship is not based on sex, its not based on kissing, its not based on anything other then simple understanding of each other in relation to the Guru, Sikhi and most importantly LOVE for the GuruJi and each other...if that isn't the essense of Sikhi or any other religion for that matter, I dont know what is!