Finding A Partner For Marriage

[lonelysingh 0]

Hi, I'm a 25 year old Ramgarhia Sikh living in South East.

For the past year my father has been trying to find me a girl and has had no luck. I want to get married but because of my fathers attitude and vindictive nature I fear that he will subject my wife to the same mental torture my mother, brother and I have had to put up with over over lives.

Even so I haven't rejected or hindered the search on my part - I am open to all castes. The only rejections that have been done have been from the parents of the girls. They arrange a time and date to meet but cancel at the last minute. Some even come to our house and take one look at the house/me/family and make a decision instantly. They say they will talk to their daughter and then let us know. A few days later we get a phone call with an excuse of why I'm not suitable. So the prospective parents get to see me but I don't get to even see a picture of the girl.

My dad is open and would prefer that the girl meets me and if we "click" then it is all sorted. Most parents agree with this but nothing has come of it.

I've never had a relationship with a girl - ever... from the Sikh religion or otherwise. We have no close family ties (my parents hardly speak to their brothers and sisters - on both sides) so I can't really go to weddings or Akand Paths and find girls (which sounds dirty and wrong).

At university I met some Sikh guys and girls and became friends - but the girls were never really interested... they preferred the clean shaven guys (and not necessarily Sikhs either!). Plus the degree I did - Computer Science - was mainly a guy thing.

My dad blames me for not finding a girl myself - eventhough he taught me and my brother from a very, very young age to treat every girl/woman we see as a mother or sister as explained in the Guru Granth Sahib. I was told to study and I did - I got the best results you could ask for but that still isn't enough. He finds the whole search for a girl a major inconvinience and blames me at every opportunity for not finding a girl myself.

In his rush to get me married off ASAP, my dad has registered my details with the Birmingham Ramgarhia gurdwara marriage service, the Southall Ramgarhia service - and no-one has contacted us from other place - My details are registered and available to prospective parents but no-one wants to know.

I even registered with Shaadi.com - I talk to others but get no response, the others I contact reject me outright without getting to know me. Unlike most profiles I have included my picture - openly - I have nothing to hide!

At this point in time I'm burnt out, I'm a shell, just empty inside... At times I have been suicidal and wanted to end my life - this is mainly to do with the treatment from my father and not because I or my father can't find a girl.

Anyone out there understand or have an advice that they can give me? I'd appreciate it....

[Pheena 1]

If your father is so adament about you getting married then why isn't he doing most of the work? It seems like your father is simply using you not getting married as a excuse to release his anger. There are obviuos personal issue that he has which he is releasing by jumping on you constantly about not getting married. You are only 25, that is the age where you begin to look for a girl, but it is not the only age where you have to get married. My brother got married when he was 29. If you don't get married in the age of 25, the world is not going to end.

You are getting burned out because every girl you see, you see as a prospect and when you take with you such high expectation you are bound to fall crasing down when they are not met. I think majority of the stress is due to that fact that you have your father constantly pushing you on this matter.

You are 25 years old and soon when you find a girl and you WILL. you will begin a new life with your wife. It is your responsibility to give your wife a house that treats her with respect and love. If your fear is that your father is going to treat her with the same manner that he has treated you and your family, then there must come a time when you take a stance for yourself and your wife. Don't think you are being disrespectful, there is a limit when the other who demands respect is obvliviuos to the respect that he lack for those who give him respect.

You have much right on your life as do your parents. We are brought up the values of respecting our parents, but when they begins to drown our inner spirit and kill our inner love towards our parents and turn it into fear we can either continue to live throught it holding onto this ideal of respect regardless of how we are treated. Or we can take a stance to voice our view. This does not mean to go crazy and just lash out. But with a concerned and defined voice speak out against the injustice that we feel is being done to us. btw just so you know, Parents are not always right in how they treat their children.

[WGJKKWGJKF 2]

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Paaji it might be an idea to visit these Sikh matrimonials:

www.sikh2sikh.com

www.sikhmatrimonials.com

this matrimonial site looks pretty good:

www.gurmat.com

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

[Surd_r_cute 0]

Buy a Tshirt i wear, it says Not all men are stupid , some stay bachelor.Just kidding,25 is a very young age to get married in my esteem opinion( i am not humble man).Try to live life as per your views not your father's , next he wll ask for grandchild once you get married

[Guest Guest]

im not bein funny but if ur amritdhari then theres a bibi on this site whos also havin marriage trouble...i hope i dnt have 2 spell it out. chek out the post "a query from us singhnees" in the general section. sorry for any offence, im jus tryin 2 apply logic

[singhni84 0]

Guest, encouraging the youth here to use this site to find themselves marriage partners is irresponsible and complete manmat.

This site is great in that it allows the youth an opportunity to have an outlet through which to discuss issues of concern to them.

However, if a bibi writes about the obstacles she faces in finding a singh, the solution isn't to tell singhs in similar situations to hook themselves up. The bibi's post was indicative of a greater problem; it isn't an individual nor a unique situation she is in. To view her post as a marriage ad is demeaning.

[proud_to_be_singhni 5]

Guest, encouraging the youth here to use this site to find themselves marriage partners is irresponsible and complete manmat.

This site is great in that it allows the youth an opportunity to have an outlet through which to discuss issues of concern to them.

However, if a bibi writes about the obstacles she faces in finding a singh, the solution isn't to tell singhs in similar situations to hook themselves up.  The bibi's post was indicative of a greater problem; it isn't an individual nor a unique situation she is in.  To view her post as a marriage ad is demeaning.

158078[/snapback]

ThankYou singhni penji...

To the person trying to "apply logic" REFRAIN from doing so and "Apply" this "logic" elsewhere.......Khalsa Does Not and Never Has convieniently applied in to Any plan of Any sort! It would be appreciated if You Do Not try and make a similar suggestive comment again.

Thanx penji once more> To You

VaHuGuuRu Ji KA khAlSa!!!..................VAHEgURU Ji kI FaTEh JI!!!

[Guest the guest tryin 2 apply logic]

To the person trying to "apply logic" REFRAIN from doing so and "Apply" this "logic" elsewhere.......Khalsa Does Not and Never Has convieniently applied in to Any plan of Any sort! It would be appreciated if You Do Not try and make a similar suggestive comment again.

omg im so sorry. please forgive my mistake, im still learning, i know i shouldnt have said that and it definately wont happen again- i know i shouldnt have said it. im really really sorry. please forgive me for being so foolish... sorry

[Guest nirguniaar]

veer jee, wahegurujee ka khalsa, Wahegurujee ki fateh

Veer mereyo, Never think of hurt yourself if not got successfull to a lot of time. I know it will hurt you but veer there is a lot more in the life to come. If you write in a manner to "Go for suicide like note then i will not solve the problem of hundreds and thousands of veer in real manner" So veer never discourage yourself and others. Please forgive me i am just giving you from my experiences.

Veer i know your mental tensions as i have the same in my family. Not a problem, Please clear your family members in a courageous manner that what you expect from that. Do Not be afraid, Be like a Singh. Say what you want , Do ardaas everyday, Do Nitnem in any or every condition. Every thing will get resolved with GuruKirpa. No matter the things are going wrong. IT IS NOT ONLY YOU IN THE WHOLE WORLD TO ASK, THERE ARE MANY WHICH ARE BLESSED.

Thaks veer.

[_K_ 2]

he blames u 4 not finding a girl??? but u were brought up not 2 hav a girlfriend!!! :wub: @

paaji do not stress....u r only 25...SHE will come, when Vaheguru wills it 2 happen :TH:

[lonelysingh 0]

I appreciate all the advice given.

Being a strict religious man with a religious upbringing I used to think that all the things he said were right - i.e. we are all bad, I am the root of the problem ("Poare dee Jare"), etc. He is wrong but sometimes his harsh words cut very deep.

I understand that suicide is a bad, bad thing to do and although it has crossed my mind more than a few times is ultimately wrong and pointless.

With regards to grandchildren - my father has already said that he thinks it would be a good idea if I started producing grand kids as soon as I marry....

I agree with the Bhenjis that 25 years old is young to get married.... I think my fathers main problem is that he sees this as a chore and he would rather my brother and I got married ASAP. He calls everything he does for us "Lehka" and "Karam" from a previous life that he has to sort out.

Maybe I should develop a thicker skin - things wouldn't hurt as much. I'm not a tough man. I am very sensitive and it hurts that he has to take out his bad parenting out on all of us.

In terms of respect - I don't respect him anymore - he isn't worthy of it.... he lost my respect for him a long time ago. The only people I respect are my God like mother, and my brother and of course Waheguru.

I try to do a bit of simran and ardaas everyday to find some peace and solice for my tortured soul.

And Dad if you're listening/reading - all the swear words (faeces eater, sister******, mother******) and the other derogatory remarks such as donkey, etc... won't speed up the search for a wife. I'm sure both my brothers and sisters here agree - you should be ashamed of yourself.... :wub:

[singhni84 0]

Just a small tip:

If you call yourself a strict religious man and claim that caste is no bar, then stop identifying yourself as a "Ramgarhia Sikh" because no strict religious woman who likewise believes caste is no bar would respond to you. Good luck.

[Guest Onam]

To lonelysingh: Move out, get your own place, for your future wife's sake. Trust me, your Dad's just gonna make more and more trouble for you and your wife when you do get married. You need to be out of his way, have some peace in your life. It's no sin if you get your own place. You're a man, it doesn't matter what your Dad says. You have strength within you, oh yes you do.

[_K_ 2]

I try to do a bit of simran and ardaas everyday to find some peace and solice for my tortured soul. 

yup thas he bes thing u can do,

we are all here because of past mistakes- but thats not ur fathers responsibility its ur own....

stay strong bro :nihungsmile: