Marriage For A Reason...

[Niyara Khalsa]

I do love him, we have been together for 1 year, I have (2) children, been married b4 (great catch I know )I am so torn, in the beginning of our relationship I was ready to marry, but now we are living together, and it is driving me insane....I do love him, cannot imagine not having him in my life, but I do not know whether he saw a divorced mummy of 2 and said yup she'll be easy ; ) I cannot even trust my gut, my family likes him a lot, his family is still in India, his Mum calls me and (Although she speaks no english, and me, no punjab) she communicates to me and calls me daughter and my children grandchildren (she has only seen pictures of me) his family and friends know me here and treat me okay, geez, I don't know nothing like being so unsure of what is in your face...please give me some words of wisdom

thanks

Phenji ,

One chardiyan kalan phenji once told me this.

In matters of marriage , everything cant be foretold or measured in advance.

SO , the only way is to do daily ardas " asking guru ji to give us such a gurskh jevan-sathi , ki jag vich aaya safal ho jaye" and do an extra Japji Sahibs path in this context.

Then guru Ji takes care hiomself , even if life partenr you choose may have bad intentins or nature in the beging ... guru ji takes care and changes him/her...

I think in your situation , do whatever information gathering u can do. But then stop as there is no end to "chinta" etc.

Do ardas and make sikhi your parameter of measure and if you feel right go for it. :TH:

[_(JI)_]

I do love him, we have been together for 1 year, I have (2) children, been married b4 (great catch I know )I am so torn, in the beginning of our relationship I was ready to marry, but now we are living together, and it is driving me insane....I do love him, cannot imagine not having him in my life, but I do not know whether he saw a divorced mummy of 2 and said yup she'll be easy ; ) I cannot even trust my gut, my family likes him a lot, his family is still in India, his Mum calls me and (Although she speaks no english, and me, no punjab) she communicates to me and calls me daughter and my children grandchildren (she has only seen pictures of me) his family and friends know me here and treat me okay, geez, I don't know nothing like being so unsure of what is in your face...please give me some words of wisdom

thanks

Phenji ,

One chardiyan kalan phenji once told me this.

In matters of marriage , everything cant be foretold or measured in advance.

SO , the only way is to do daily ardas " asking guru ji to give us such a gurskh jevan-sathi , ki jag vich aaya safal ho jaye" and do an extra Japji Sahibs path in this context.

Then guru Ji takes care hiomself , even if life partenr you choose may have bad intentins or nature in the beging ... guru ji takes care and changes him/her...

I think in your situation , do whatever information gathering u can do. But then stop as there is no end to "chinta" etc.

Do ardas and make sikhi your parameter of measure and if you feel right go for it. :TH:

DO ARDAAS FROM THE BOTTEM OF YOUR HEART! AND YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT

GUR FATEH

[SSM]

Sorry- going off topic, Surd r cute, grow up and if possible do it fast!

I agree with everyone who says do ardas, definitely.

If you want to be sure, why not send someone to India to meet his family and find out about him, without sounding silly he may already have someone back home but remember that we are not saying this to creat doubt for you. You need to trust him but we cannot deny that people do get married for the green card (to become an american citizen). Do some checks on him but even if you don't the only being that may save you is God so do ardas!

[chandanjit kaur]

that's very rude and kind of immature.

it's ignoring the situation at hand.... and by saying "no offence yo" doesn't mean t hat no offence was taken.... in fact, I was offended by that post and i'm not even the one in the situation.....

I think you should edit that post

Fateh

ima really sorry...i dunno wat ima sayin sumtimes and i was afraid it would be rude....but for some reason i cant edit it @ tryin to click on da lil edit box but it aint workin....once agen....ima really sorry....i didint know wat i was sayin so pleez forgive me

Fateh

[Guest]

thanks for all the words of wisdom, however, I do not believe that I mentioned that I am a non-sikh, american, so the prayers, I am not familiar with...

I do not believe I will marry him though, just so many uncertain feelings.

thanks again..

[SSM]

Uncertain feelings is one thing but maybe you need to check all this.

Maybe he does love you. The only thing is that I have to admit you don't normally see an Indian mother in law happily calling your children her grandchildren.

Some things don't add up.

Same time, there are people out there are do love people for reasons other than a green card.

[Heera Singh]

is there any other way for him to get a Green Card?

maybe you should wait for a while before you make your decision... when people said do 'ardaas'... they're basically saying to ask God for guidance, and do it from the bottom of your heart.. i dunno if ur a spritual (or religious) person, but you can always still ask God for help and guidance...

is this guy a 'religious' person ? one thing that mite help you make a decision is ask him about what he wants from the future? and ask him how he wants to raise his kids/family etc... if he tells u wants to raise his kids as per indian tradition that mite tell u to take a step back, because you already have 2 kids, so then what would he want to do with your kids?

you have to make sure ur both on the same page on every major issue... i.e. family, work, lifestyle, religion, etc... as several people already mentioned, marriage is a huge step... but it makes it that much more important because you already have 2 kids... if for some reason thingz went bad, it wouldn't only have an affect on you, but your kids as well..

hope for the best,

stay in Chardi Kalaa (High Spirits)...

[buddasingh]

What is with this Indians in general are know to do that sort of thing.

Have a very high tolerance for fraud and deceit?

--------

Doubt is common when you're making large commitments. In your case it is perhaps even more prominent because of your previous experience with marriage. You may have been unfortunate in your experience and perhaps even traumatized to some extent and now are uncertain about your own judgment.

Ask the people who know you best, your closest family and friends. Often they can tell whether you are thinking straight. Tell them that you want their honest opinion about the same question you posed here.

You said that he has family and friends in America that you have met. Can any of them offer you support or insight? Is there a local Sikh community that you can get to know who can offer insight? Also, would he marry you if you told him that you wish to move to India?

[Guest]

undefined

"Maybe he does love you. The only thing is that I have to admit you don't normally see an Indian mother in law happily calling your children her grandchildren."

I agree, maybe because her english is not good, she only knew grandchildren as opposed to "my sons (living in sin) girlfriends children" I dunno....

I want to think that she really likes me, why would she be calling me?? She wants to send me traditional dresses and sent me jewelry (dowry??) geez, I dunno, I am sorry for these posts sounding so confused, I have to agree the situation is quite confusing as well as the person writing them : )

thanks again.....

[Guest]

Maybe he does love you. The only thing is that I have to admit you don't normally see an Indian mother in law happily calling your children her grandchildren.

Maybe because she doesn't speak good english grandchildren was the only name she knew....as opposed to children of the girl you are living in sin with : ) she has also sent me jewelry albeit not the prettiest nonetheless jewelry and asked for my measurements to send a traditional dress???????

Maybe she has al ulterier motive as well. I do not think she has her green card either

I am so sorry for the rambling and confusion of these post, just know the situation and the girl are extremely confused.....thank you again for all the replies. I appreciate the input....