Need Help Guiding One Of Our Brothers

[Guest Guest]

Ok, wonder if you can help me.

I've got a friend who I've known for about 4 years now & we're really close. We're not going out with each other, but I treat him like my little brother. We both went to university together & lived away from home, but we hit it off from day one.

I'm quite a religious Sikh but he isnt, he wears a turban but cuts his beard into all sorts of crazy designs!! I would look after him as much as I could, & try to teach him Sikhi as it seems as tho he was not interested at all. I can tell he had a difficult childhood, as his father left the family before he was born & he only has his mum, who he does love so much. But he would never open up with me at all. I felt that with him not having a father he maybe didnt have anyone to give him the guidance he needed.

Everything was Ok with him in the 1st 2 years of university, I knew he was a bit of a naughty lad but it was almost as tho he was being more open & talking about his emotions a lot more. He had some friends that were very bad company but he was slowly drifting away from them as well. He even started going out with a lovely Sikh girl from University, who really did make sure he kept out of trouble.

The following year is when he changed & almost became a complete different person. One of his close friends from his hometown came to the university that year, so it is obvious to say that he was going to spend time with him & his girlfriend. Most of his friends were muslim & he felt really comfortable with them, but I was never so sure. But I soon noticed that this new circle of friends was not good for him at all.

He would go out til 3 or 4 am at least 3 times a week, & his girlfriend was feeling neglected. She confided in me many times as she felt he didnt care for her anymore. He stopped going for lectures as much, he started smoking again & he was clearly doing the wrong things.

I spoke to him one day about it, he told me to get lost & mind my own business. It was almost as tho I was a complete stranger to him, it really hurt me that after all this time he could say something like that. He broke up with his girlfriend & started seeing other girls one after the other. He even stopped going home at the weekends to see his mum.

I really didnt know what to do beacause I couldnt turn my back on him after all this time. I confronted his friends one day as I saw them all together & asked them to leave Mandeep alone, but they clearly didnt care, instead they insulted me & said they would look out for him from now on.

Him & his friends got arrested a few times for fighting & this sort of stuff, but there was no getting through to him at all.

We have both graduated now & I'm sure he will do well, but I still worry about him so much... what if he does something really stupid & gets into trouble with the police or something. His ex-girlfriend still cares for him so much & even she wants to get back together with him

Ive spoken to him a few times over the phone during the summer but he seems to have changed ccompletely.

What can I do to get though to him or should I just leave him to learn from his own mistakes??

[SSM]

Ask him to spend a day with you and show him what he could be like? Perhaps.

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh panji!

do ardas for him ji...and Let waheguru take care of him as waheguru is the only one who takes care of us all.

you have to learn the univers'z ways! and im sure you know what i am talking about!

think about it

If waheguru made u worry about him, then im sure he will help u. Talkin to your friend is not the only way...jus look within your self for ways u can help since other things an't getting through to him.

Guru sahib has the answer and he is theonly one who can guide us

bhul chuk muaff karni

Akal Sahai!

[Haych Singh]

how can u change a thinknig of a person who thinks falsehood is true????

[KFI]

First of all, from your post it seems as you care about him too much. Too much to a extent you even may like him. I won't go on about that point as you did call him a "brother" in your title. Tell him you have to talk to him and its important, if he goes i dont have time, or says i will meet, but never gets time, then thats it, you stop going after him, and let him do what he wants. If he listens, then tell him what he should be doing, if he agrees, but doesn't follow then again, leave him and let him do what he wants. You have to control yourself too, in terms of being attached to him even taking him as a brother, you have to stay detached, and not feel sad or down when he does these bad things. Waheguru guides people this way, and he himself changes their direction whenever he pleases. Try to guide him, but only "try", if it doesn't work, don't force anything or do anything just go your own way, look after yourself. What makes you think you can do something and you have it in your hands?

If it is hard to forget about him and he worries you too much and from the post i see you worry alot since you said "what if he does this, what if he gets in trouble with the police, etc etc" well, then you have a problem of yourself of moh and a possible problem of "Liking" him in a different way, try to solve yourself first, before providing help to others.

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa

Vaheguru ji ke fateh

Khalistan Zindabad

[Khalsa_Girl_1]

He even started going out with a lovely Sikh girl from University, who really did make sure he kept out of trouble.

.... He broke up with his girlfriend & started seeing other girls one after the other.

.... His ex-girlfriend still cares for him so much & even she wants to get back together with him.

Most of his friends were muslim & he felt really comfortable with them, but I was never so sure.

how is she a lovely "SIKH" girl if shes dating??? :wub:

more so; how is she a lovely "SIKH" if she wants to get back together with him if he is what he is???

and if he's more comfortable with his MUSLIM friends...then let him be.

I spoke to him one day about it, he told me to get lost & mind my own business. It was almost as tho I was a complete stranger to him, it really hurt me that after all this time he could say something like that. He even stopped going home at the weekends to see his mum.

if it hurt YOU to be rejected by him when you tried to talk about it his probs, how do you think his MOTHER feels for him not meeting her on the weekends???

you also said before:

...he only has his mum, who he does love so much.

seeing that he didnt go to meet her, do you really think he loves/loved her very much??

I really didnt know what to do beacause I couldnt turn my back on him after all this time.

why cant you turn your back on him if he turned his back on you? :wub:

you said:

I spoke to him one day about it, he told me to get lost & mind my own business. It was almost as tho I was a complete stranger to him, it really hurt me that after all this time he could say something like that.

it may be hard to accept, but yes...people do change

I confronted his friends one day as I saw them all together & asked them to leave Mandeep alone, but they clearly didnt care, instead they insulted me & said they would look out for him from now on.

ok, first of all, why would you go to them? did you really think that they would 'leave him alone' if you asked them to?? :D

and of course they wouldnt care about what YOU said.

do you really expect his FRIENDS to be kind to you, if he HIMSELF isnt kind to you/rejects you??? :D @

We have both graduated now & I'm sure he will do well, but I still worry about him so much... what if he does something really stupid & gets into trouble with the police or something.

if youre sure that hes doin well, then why on Earth do you worry about him so much??? :umm: @

Ive spoken to him a few times over the phone during the summer but he seems to have changed completely.

sorry to hear that penji...

people change a lot...what can you really do about it?

its Sangat i guess...

i know i still have to get a better Sangat as well...

but really...i dont think you can change his sangat....

anywho...

from what i have read, i think you like him...

im not sayin that you do...but thats what it sounds like.

now this may hurt your feelings jio...but im only sayin it cuz i feel the need to try and help you. i dont know if ima end up helpin you or not...but ima try anyway.

if he ignores you, then he obviously doesnt care about you or what you have to say.

you said that he loved his mother very much.

i mean...he doesnt even go to see his mother, knowing that she dont have a husband!

what more can you expect from a guy like that???

you also said that he gets in trouble with the police...

so what do you think you can do to help??

i see that you've been a good friend to him...but i also see that that was the past...

and this is now...

and i suggest you to forget about him.

you tried a lot of times to get him on the right track, and he didnt listen..he ignored you.

you have better things to think about.

you dont deserve to worry off about someone who has rejected you so many times after being good friends with you...

i really do highly suggest you to just go off without worryin about him.

yeah, it hurts i know...

ive been through/go through it...with family AND friends

but slowly im learning to deal with it...

it really takes a lot off your shoulders...

i didnt mean to disrespect you or offend you in any way...

if i have, then im sorry.

take care penji.

peace...

GurFateh.

[Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz]

everything is in guru jis hands, just do ardaas for him, if he doesnt respect u then why wud u kill urself over him? i can see u wud want to help him as u see him as a sikh......but one thing ima hafta disagree with is the fact that u calling the girl goin out with him a good sikh girl...if shes going out in tha first place she aint a good sikh, im sorry but its tru...and if she was a sikh, she wudnt bring herself down so much and even begin to think about hookin up with a guy like that, let alone hookin up altogether.......continue to take care of urself and do ardaas, thas my suggestion..